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# B-school and relationships...

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Current Student
Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 1062

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14 Feb 2008, 12:18
Thanks nc!!!

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GMAT Club Legend
Status: Um... what do you want to know?
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 5464
Location: SF, CA, USA
Schools: UC Berkeley Haas School of Business MBA 2010
WE 1: Social Gaming

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15 Feb 2008, 14:33
good thread to dig up... I will add this to the Knowledge vault.

If one has a strong relationship, or if both people are "open minded" (I don't give any more details ), then it should work just as well as if you're single. My 2 cents.
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GMAT Club Legend
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 4318
Location: Back in Chicago, IL
Schools: Kellogg Alum: Class of 2010

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17 Feb 2008, 23:15
I think that picking the right school can be a big help. Some schools are much more significant other friendly. This weekend at Kellogg admitted students weekend it was clear from talking with other married couples the different. There were wives who were absolutely against their husbands going to some schools because of their experiences with the school. Now if those guys decide to go there and force their wife to move there then thats going to cause problems. Also you need to consider location and career prospects, your significant other is going to be giving up a lot if they are following you where ever you go. It would be very selfish to force them to give up their careers for two years...note doesnt apply to internationals since visa issues make everyplace tough.

Its going to be tough where ever you are because of time demands but there are schools that completely embrace significant others. Some schools have groups but they dont allow significant others many benefits of the schools, while others treat them just like students basically. I know at Tuck and Kellogg significant others can sit in classes, join clubs, use career services. Basically they get all the great parts of the b-school experience without all the tough things like recruiting and finals.

My wife was completely blown away by the Kellogg JV group and met a ton of admitted students wives/gfs that she really clicked with. I think that this is probably one of their more effective recruiting tools since I think every single significant other decided that Kellogg was their top choice for the student since it was where they wanted to be. Until this weekend my wife was unsure how this would be for her, now she is probably even more excited about it than I am.
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Kellogg Class of 2010...still active and willing to help. However, I do not do profile reviews, don't offer predictions on chances and am far to busy to review essays, so save the energy of writing me a PM seeking help for these. If I don't respond to a PM that is not one of the previously mentioned trash can destined messages, please don't take it personally I get so many messages I have a hard to responding to most. The more interesting, compelling, or humorous you message the more likely I am to respond.
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Kudos [?]: 756 [0], given: 5

GMAT Club Legend
Status: Um... what do you want to know?
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 5464
Location: SF, CA, USA
Schools: UC Berkeley Haas School of Business MBA 2010
WE 1: Social Gaming

Kudos [?]: 403 [0], given: 14

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18 Feb 2008, 01:32
nice! All I know right now is that Haas lets partners join all the student clubs (including the partner's club, of course ) and use the career services center only during the summer. I emailed the partner's club presidents to check if there are other perks like auditing classes, attending study trips, and anything else.

But Kellogg and Tuck definitely sounds pretty amazing in terms of what they offer to partners.
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Director
Joined: 14 Feb 2005
Posts: 999
Location: New York

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19 Feb 2008, 09:11
Quote:
note doesnt apply to internationals since visa issues make everyplace tough.

Not that bad, if partner has a H1b( u can apply for h1b even from outside ) -then he/she can definitely work for 6 years -One can always pursue further education if interested - as getting F1 once you are in USA is easy..

Kudos [?]: 20 [0], given: 0

GMAT Club Legend
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 4318
Location: Back in Chicago, IL
Schools: Kellogg Alum: Class of 2010

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19 Feb 2008, 12:48
Ozmba wrote:
Quote:
note doesnt apply to internationals since visa issues make everyplace tough.

Not that bad, if partner has a H1b( u can apply for h1b even from outside ) -then he/she can definitely work for 6 years -One can always pursue further education if interested - as getting F1 once you are in USA is easy..

I have met a few students whose wives couldnt get visa's...the US immigration laws arent exactly the easiest thing to navigate. It definitely seems common for both to go for advanced degrees at the sametime. The wife of an alum I talked to from GSB went to northwestern for law, and a student at Tucks wife was in med school there. I think work definitely depends on the job though, we met a few people at Kellogg this weekend whose wives were lawyers in other countries but couldnt practice law in the US so that is tough.
_________________

Kellogg Class of 2010...still active and willing to help. However, I do not do profile reviews, don't offer predictions on chances and am far to busy to review essays, so save the energy of writing me a PM seeking help for these. If I don't respond to a PM that is not one of the previously mentioned trash can destined messages, please don't take it personally I get so many messages I have a hard to responding to most. The more interesting, compelling, or humorous you message the more likely I am to respond.
GMAT Club Premium Membership - big benefits and savings

Kudos [?]: 756 [0], given: 5

Manager
Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 176
Schools: HBS 2012

Kudos [?]: 17 [0], given: 7

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04 Dec 2009, 00:01
Anyone on here going to be facing these issues once decision-making time comes soon? I could use some sage advice if anyone has it...

My situation: I'm 24, gf is 30. Dating for a year, overall going very well. But...

- We both are people who want anywhere from 3-5 kids. See respective ages above. And take into account I could be in school next 2-4 years (possible JDMBA).

- She is extremely close with her family who all live within proximity now. They're great people, but I cannot guarantee that I will take a job in Chicago post-MBA, especially if I go to school out East. She has been very cold to the notion of ever starting a family away from them.

- If I go to school out East, the only way it could work is if she follows me. She would need to sell/rent her place, and have her employer transfer offices. Both are doable, but tedious. Also, to do so, she'd pretty much need a ring on her finger (understandable), but I'm not ready for that at the moment, yet may be 6 mos...but by then it's probably too late to get everything ready to follow me out there...

Now, some of these factors could easily be eliminated if I'm dinged at H/W, but definitely still could be stressful.

Am I just in way over my head here?

Kudos [?]: 17 [0], given: 7

Intern
Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Posts: 32
Schools: Kellogg, Ross, MIT

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04 Dec 2009, 09:24
Very interesting discussion. My approach so far is to limit my applications to places where my husband is excited to go (he has a life too, crazy huh). We will face the social stuff when it happens but it will definitely be an adjustment- we met at work, have worked together ever since. I doubt I'll be on spring break, etc. trips.

As for Kellogg, I have a secret Kellogg obsession, my husband is not too interested because he thinks Evanston is too far from Chicago and there's no clear opportunities for him in Chicago anyway... any concept of whether this whole 'partners' appeal works on the men too?

PBateman... I am certainly no relationship expert but I'll put it out here-- you know your GF wants to start a family in Chicago and I'm guessing it's about that time to start a family- yet you're applying to schools outside Chicago and not planning on returning... just a suggestion but maybe this should tell you both something. No shame in not being ready for marriage or knowing your path and going for it.
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Kudos [?]: 11 [0], given: 13

Manager
Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 176
Schools: HBS 2012

Kudos [?]: 17 [0], given: 7

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04 Dec 2009, 09:44
eekthecat wrote:
Very interesting discussion. My approach so far is to limit my applications to places where my husband is excited to go (he has a life too, crazy huh). We will face the social stuff when it happens but it will definitely be an adjustment- we met at work, have worked together ever since. I doubt I'll be on spring break, etc. trips.

As for Kellogg, I have a secret Kellogg obsession, my husband is not too interested because he thinks Evanston is too far from Chicago and there's no clear opportunities for him in Chicago anyway... any concept of whether this whole 'partners' appeal works on the men too?

PBateman... I am certainly no relationship expert but I'll put it out here-- you know your GF wants to start a family in Chicago and I'm guessing it's about that time to start a family- yet you're applying to schools outside Chicago and not planning on returning... just a suggestion but maybe this should tell you both something. No shame in not being ready for marriage or knowing your path and going for it.

I never felt Evanston was too far from the city, and I lived there for a bit and thought it was really nice. You can hop on the purple line 'el' there and take it down to the city, or take it to the red a little south of there and transfer to go into the city. Maybe 45 min trip. Driving would take 20-25 min along lake. The alternative would be to live in the city and you take the train up there for class...

Kudos [?]: 17 [0], given: 7

Senior Manager
Joined: 04 Dec 2009
Posts: 376
WE: Consulting (Consulting)

Kudos [?]: 75 [0], given: 4

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06 Dec 2009, 09:07
PBateman wrote:
Anyone on here going to be facing these issues once decision-making time comes soon? I could use some sage advice if anyone has it...

My situation: I'm 24, gf is 30. Dating for a year, overall going very well. But...

- We both are people who want anywhere from 3-5 kids. See respective ages above. And take into account I could be in school next 2-4 years (possible JDMBA).

- She is extremely close with her family who all live within proximity now. They're great people, but I cannot guarantee that I will take a job in Chicago post-MBA, especially if I go to school out East. She has been very cold to the notion of ever starting a family away from them.

- If I go to school out East, the only way it could work is if she follows me. She would need to sell/rent her place, and have her employer transfer offices. Both are doable, but tedious. Also, to do so, she'd pretty much need a ring on her finger (understandable), but I'm not ready for that at the moment, yet may be 6 mos...but by then it's probably too late to get everything ready to follow me out there...

Now, some of these factors could easily be eliminated if I'm dinged at H/W, but definitely still could be stressful.

Am I just in way over my head here?

Hi, my situation is similar.

It sounds like you two would be sacrificing too much for each other.

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Senior Manager
Joined: 04 Dec 2009
Posts: 376
WE: Consulting (Consulting)

Kudos [?]: 75 [0], given: 4

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06 Dec 2009, 09:11
rhyme wrote:
johnnyx9 wrote:

Interesting that there are four people already w/ greater than 3 hour relationship commutes. I may end up in a situation like that and if I do I'm not looking forward to making choices like, "Do I go on a spring break w/ my girlfriend and pass up a spring break w/ classmates?" Seems like there will be a lot of decisions where I'll have to balance quality time w/ girlfriend, and seriously getting to know my classmates and really developing a network.

Yea, I'm in that boat too - there is no question that Grad school + marriage is going to be an interesting and rather incompatible mix. We've already had some tension over random walk - "Why do you need to go?"... "It's a networking opportunity" ... "You'll meet peopel in class...." etc. I've pretty much accepted that I wont be able to do everything I want to do, and I'll have to engage in some form of triage. I'll be a part of TNDCs every week I'm sure, but I probably wont get to do the ski trip or the spring break trips.

On the other hand, if other couples there want to do them too, it seems feasible that we all go as a group. It's funny this comes up though as a few days ago I was talking to a GSB student and when I mentioned I was getting married she suddenly changed : "Oh, well then we wont eb hanging otu much. IT's going to be hard for you." I ask her "How do you mean?" and she replies: "Well, grad school is set up for singles... you are going to miss out on a lot." (By now I was getting angry - I already hate the feeling of maybe missing out on anything - and here is this girl telling me that my grad school experience is basically goign to suck compared to everyone else) ... it went on like that ... "Well, just be careful. Most people cheat on ttheir SO's" bah.

Wow, this is really old, but with the advantage of a retrospective view, do you think she is insinuating herself?

Kudos [?]: 75 [0], given: 4

Intern
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 14
Location: Chicago

Kudos [?]: 4 [0], given: 2

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19 Jan 2010, 10:19
PBateman wrote:
Anyone on here going to be facing these issues once decision-making time comes soon? I could use some sage advice if anyone has it...

My situation: I'm 24, gf is 30. Dating for a year, overall going very well. But...

- We both are people who want anywhere from 3-5 kids. See respective ages above. And take into account I could be in school next 2-4 years (possible JDMBA).

- She is extremely close with her family who all live within proximity now. They're great people, but I cannot guarantee that I will take a job in Chicago post-MBA, especially if I go to school out East. She has been very cold to the notion of ever starting a family away from them.

- If I go to school out East, the only way it could work is if she follows me. She would need to sell/rent her place, and have her employer transfer offices. Both are doable, but tedious. Also, to do so, she'd pretty much need a ring on her finger (understandable), but I'm not ready for that at the moment, yet may be 6 mos...but by then it's probably too late to get everything ready to follow me out there...

Now, some of these factors could easily be eliminated if I'm dinged at H/W, but definitely still could be stressful.

Am I just in way over my head here?

What did you decide, PBateman? We went through/are going through a lot of the same issues (my husband just started at Booth) - you can check out my blog through my profile here...

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Manager
Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 176
Schools: HBS 2012

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19 Jan 2010, 10:44
edark wrote:
What did you decide, PBateman? We went through/are going through a lot of the same issues (my husband just started at Booth) - you can check out my blog through my profile here...

Hey edark, I'm almost surely going to HBS, but we're still sorting through what can work for the two of us. It doesn't look like she's going to move out there, which is understandable because we're not engaged, and she has a lot of things holding her in Chicago (condo, job, family, etc.). What we're thinking of trying is her working remotely out there (or perhaps from her company's Boston office) for a period of time during each semester, so that we're not away from each other for any significant amount of time. By the end of the first year, I believe it should give us a pretty good feel of where we are - we'll have been together 2.5 years by then, assuming it lasts. If it does, then it's probably the point where something becomes official, and maybe she moves out there for the final year.

I think the one move that may end it regardless is if I'm accepted to the law school for the joint program (and do pursue it). Really trying to figure out whether that would be a prudent move from a time/opportunity/\$ standpoint first, then will focus on how it changes any scenarios with us.

I'll be sure to catch up on your blog!

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Intern
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 14
Location: Chicago

Kudos [?]: 4 [0], given: 2

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21 Jan 2010, 11:00
PBateman wrote:

Hey edark, I'm almost surely going to HBS, but we're still sorting through what can work for the two of us. It doesn't look like she's going to move out there, which is understandable because we're not engaged, and she has a lot of things holding her in Chicago (condo, job, family, etc.). What we're thinking of trying is her working remotely out there (or perhaps from her company's Boston office) for a period of time during each semester, so that we're not away from each other for any significant amount of time. By the end of the first year, I believe it should give us a pretty good feel of where we are - we'll have been together 2.5 years by then, assuming it lasts. If it does, then it's probably the point where something becomes official, and maybe she moves out there for the final year.

I think the one move that may end it regardless is if I'm accepted to the law school for the joint program (and do pursue it). Really trying to figure out whether that would be a prudent move from a time/opportunity/\$ standpoint first, then will focus on how it changes any scenarios with us.

I'll be sure to catch up on your blog!

Yeah, I mean, passing up HBS would be REALLY hard. It sounds like you have a good plan. I have to say, that the women who moved here who aren't engaged yet....it does seem a little weird to the rest of us! Not that everyone necessarily has to get or be married or anything, but it's a major commitment without THE major commitment .

Good luck to you guys - the LDR thing can totally work (my husband and I made it all the way through undergrad!), and if it's meant to be, you'll make it work .

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Manager
Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 176
Schools: HBS 2012

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21 Jan 2010, 11:22
edark wrote:
Yeah, I mean, passing up HBS would be REALLY hard. It sounds like you have a good plan. I have to say, that the women who moved here who aren't engaged yet....it does seem a little weird to the rest of us! Not that everyone necessarily has to get or be married or anything, but it's a major commitment without THE major commitment .

Good luck to you guys - the LDR thing can totally work (my husband and I made it all the way through undergrad!), and if it's meant to be, you'll make it work .

I did notice in one of the recent entries that you parenthetically referred to the situation of a girlfriend moving somewhere else for the boyfriend's school, as opposed to a spouse doing the same. I'm waiting for the "more on that later", though I have a good idea of your thoughts on it, and I probably agree.

Really enjoying it so far - keep the entries coming!

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Intern
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 14
Location: Chicago

Kudos [?]: 4 [0], given: 2

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21 Jan 2010, 11:41
PBateman wrote:

I did notice in one of the recent entries that you parenthetically referred to the situation of a girlfriend moving somewhere else for the boyfriend's school, as opposed to a spouse doing the same. I'm waiting for the "more on that later", though I have a good idea of your thoughts on it, and I probably agree.

Really enjoying it so far - keep the entries coming!

Haha - I'm trying not to be too judgmental, but I'm not always all that successful . I'm sure there are times when it makes sense, but I definitely have something to say about the situation!

And thanks!!

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Current Student
Joined: 18 Jan 2010
Posts: 117
Schools: UCLA

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21 Jan 2010, 20:19
1
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[quote="eekthecat"]Very interesting discussion. My approach so far is to limit my applications to places where my husband is excited to go (he has a life too, crazy huh). We will face the social stuff when it happens but it will definitely be an adjustment- we met at work, have worked together ever since. I doubt I'll be on spring break, etc. trips.
quote]

THIS...exactly...my husband + two kids will be coming with me and while I applied to schools that were agreeable to the group I recognize they still may not work out based on where my husband can work. And yea, we dont do spring break trips unless it involves going to the Mouse House in Anaheim. I guess we will be the boring old people and we arent even that old!

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Current Student
Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Posts: 121
Schools: Kellogg, London Business School, Darden, Cornell

Kudos [?]: 10 [0], given: 1

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03 Feb 2010, 17:29
My first post in this forum, and what a thread to enter into

I'll admit, I am a little scared by reading all these posts. My gf and I have been doing the distance thing since we became official last December. She's in NY, and I'm in Toronto. When I go down to Darden, she wont be coming with me.

I've already mentioned to her that things will change in bschool, and I truly believe that we'll be able to make it through. Then again, Im sure that many other couples thought the exact same thing. I think what really matters is being open and honest with your partner, establishing expectations, and communicating as regularly and frequently as possible. I think its all about priorities too; if the relationship is important, then you'll be willing to skip out on that one night out with classmates, or at least duck out early, or give her a call, even if its just for 10 minutes.

I honestly never thought that I'd be going into b-school in this situation, but now that Im here, Im determined to make the best of it.

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Manager
Status: Never give up!
Affiliations: Beta Gamma Sigma, Omicron Delta Epsilon, Toastmasters Intl, HHonors
Joined: 04 Nov 2009
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27 Feb 2010, 11:56
Do any B-schools have special programs etc for people in committed relationships / marriages?
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Intern
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Posts: 14
Location: Chicago

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27 Feb 2010, 12:32
abhattac5 wrote:
Do any B-schools have special programs etc for people in committed relationships / marriages?

Lots of schools have programs for the wives/husbands/partners of the students - I'd say most do, in fact! I'm a part of the one at Booth, and it's very active. I met all of my friends through the group, and we see each other often - with and without our students! It's really important for your significant other to feel comfortable and happy wherever you decide to go....and these groups are made to accomplish those goals!

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Re: B-school and relationships...   [#permalink] 27 Feb 2010, 12:32

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