3underscore wrote:
It was just an off the cuff remark made in Jest, refurb.
I am well aware of how things work out, with two friends having broken up with significant others during first year now dating other friends from school (and from the same core group as well, which fits your rule well).
I do think that if the relationship is a good one, it will last fine. I have had friends with wives in other states do well, while people living with their partners have fallen apart. It is also true that the first semester is the toughest - I am sure my wife will agree, and the girlfriends of most my friends that were not part of the MBA program.
There is no insecurity - maybe you misunderstood but I have been through the whole two years of school maintaining a relationship with an outsider. Sometimes being in the same city is more a stress as it poses a difficulty to work closely with the school schedule, sometimes it offers security that it isn't out of sight, out of mind.
I suppose in part that I don’t feel it is too different from many MBA jobs – consultants are away a lot, Investment Bankers married to their job time-wise. If you are in a solid relationship it will survive this, if not it will likely fail and probably should because if not then, it likely will later.
I don’t agree at all about making excuses as to why the relationships end in the way that you allude, which seems to be making stronger bonds elsewhere or jealousy. Sure, I know a lot (if not the majority) of break-ups end with the person dating another in the program. There are tens of MBA weddings from each school every year, because the bonds are strong and time spent is extensive. A person can avoid this being an issue should the relationship matter enough, in my opinion. Maybe it involves walking away from situations when drinking (it probably does), but it is just a case of exercising choice and discretion.
Not sure I agree with you regarding BS vs work. In work hours are long, and yes you build relationships with co-workers, but there is nothing that incites you to interact socially, except Christmas and summer drinks (a London tradition, dunno if the NYC offices do it as much). In BS on the other hand, everything incites you to interact socially with your co-students, including the parties, the drinking, the dinners, the treks, the trips, etc. BS students have too much time on their hands for their own good, which tests relationships to the max. Plus work isn't always fun either, unlike BS. Relationships have a much harder time surviving all these elements than during work.
There is also the issue that BS really stretches the limits of what is considered normal - regarding spending money, going out, etc - and "outsiders" (I mean this in a completely non-pejorative way) have a hard time grasping this - which is completely understandable because a lot of things going on in BS are not normal.
I truly admire the fact that you kept a solid relationship during BS, well done. It takes a lot of judgement and discipline to do that. I smiled when you talked about walking away from potentially dangerous drinking situations; if everybody did that there would be a lot less broken couples
However,unfortunately you are one of the (very) few who has managed to do that, because of the reasons I mentioned above.
I do agree with you that the first semester is the most crucial - if you survive that relatively unscathed, there's a chance that you'll be fine.
As a more general remark, I don't want to be the negative guy here, but couples should never underestimate the strain that BS puts on a relationship. It is impossible to understand unless you have been through it. If you think your couple will survive the 2 years easy peasy, think again, because so did 95% of the couples who broke up after 3 months of BS. I only know one couple that survived the long distance relationship while being physically apart and not married (those 2 elements are from my experience a game changer), and that's because one is at Wharton while the other is at Harvard, so they understand what it takes.
Sorry for the negative post, but I just wanted to be sure that people realize how tough it is.