Significant others & b-school

Question

I wanted to get some insight for those who are doing the long distance thing with their significant other and how that has affected your relationship. My BF is in his first year of b-school now and I don't hear from him as often I was wondering if I should take it personal or is b-school just that hectic?

Any other experiences you guys have? Did anyone have a scenario where you were both in school in different cities (as may be the case for us next year)? What did you do about recruiting? Did you both decide on a city beforehand and look for jobs there?

This b-school stuff is crazy on all fronts

Rubashov1 · Answer

The regular communication bit is tough and is something that both parties need to understand. In terms of recruiting, we did choose a city (the one I left to attend school). I'll be honest - it makes recruiting more difficult in that there are fewer opportunities available. Looking for local jobs is probably always best (assuming you're in one of the big cities), followed by New York and San Francisco. I'm looking for another big East Coast city and there are significantly fewer positions listed. It has been frustrating seeing all these cool opportunities in other cities.

3underscore · Answer

I would consider myself in the minority in that my relationship survived business school while dating someone not attending school (we were in the same city, which has its benefits and downsides). So many people I know broke up, and we were close at times.

You need to compromise, communicate and be self aware about how school impacts things. As it is, we are getting married this weekend, so it can clearly work out fine if you work at it (rhyme and mini-rhyme's appearance is another positive example, and a few weddings in the summer break).

nink · Answer

My fiancee is a 1st yr MBA student at a school in CA, and I am a 1st yr in New Haven. We are both so busy with our respective lives that in a way, we have yet to feel any negative effect of long distance relationship. (I traveled constantly for my job when I was working before bschool anyway...)

We call each other couple of times a day, and we are always communicating via email, text messages, Facebook, etc. We decided to pursue summer internship opportunities in NYC or SF only, so we can spend some time together during the summer.

If you have a significant other in bschool and you feel somewhat neglected, give him or her little break. You will find out soon enough but this bschool life has been exhausting and I feel like I need to clone myself few times in order to find some "me" time that I desperately need.

School work is definitely challenging, but at the same time rewarding. Interaction with recruiters, alumni, fellow students, professors, bartenders, nice homeless people of New Haven, crazy kids at Yale Law School, and others made me realize that people sure ARE DIFFERENT outside my hometown of NYC.....(so much nicer......)

But the main point is.....next year when you are in our shoes, you are gonna wish that YOUR significant other leaves you alone for awhile because there's too much happening around you and you need to fully immerse yourself into your bschool life because by choosing to go back to school, you have invested too much already...you need to do everything you can to get a return that's beyond your expectations...

So....please give your significant other (currently in bschool) some break....and send him or her some beer money.....it's VERY IMPORTANT...(beer is like currency in bschool)

2012dreams · Answer

This made me laugh and feel a lot better. I know he's busy and I am too with these applications driving me crazy, but us girls always still tend to wonder... :oops:

Thanks for the input

3underscore · Answer

You certainly don't go to business school to meet hot girls.

nink · Answer

Indeed…it's probably the excessive amount of alcohol in my system (I swear, we drink more than the law students…they just get the recognition because they binge whiskey and etc, not beer)…but so far, I have not noticed the "HOT" girls on Yale campus… So far, to me, the "hot" girls are the girls in my study group or in class who were able to: 1) Build that fancy regression model in our statistics/econometrics class (with correlation of .866813) that was able to predict the price fluctuation in price of rubber 2) Write 32 page analysis on how the consolidation in the paper mill industry in Canada jacked up printing/manufacturing expense in US steadily since 2005 3) Notice the efficiency of my VBA codes (I almost had tears in my eyes) in the Excel macro model I built for our group in the management class that analyzed the success of various NFL stadiums in US in terms of revenue etc versus the effectiveness of various quantitative location analysis methods including Center of Gravity etc etc 4) Raised her hand to answer tough questions in class when the professor was looking my way and I was preoccupied with other activities (i.e. - passing notes throughout the room, texting, replying to a post in GMATClub forum etc) and saved my ass as a result... 5) Remember at bars that I only drink Heineken or Corona…nothing else 6) Study non-stop for 7 hours straight in the law library next to me to make me feel like a slacker, and as a result, I was able to stop procrastination…. So...yeah....Hot girls in bschools are not the same as they were in uhh...college :wink:

PBateman · Answer

I think you should be looking to the undergrad student body (intended) still.

I distinctly recall female friends of mine (during their undergrad years) being very preoccupied finding out more about MBA guys whose paths they crossed.

refurb · Answer

Yeah, but you get a LOT of interaction in b-school. It's kinda like relationships that start at work. When you spend 16 hours a day hanging out with the same people, you tend to make connections pretty easily.

RF

RF

shadow · Answer

re: significant others in b-school, i think it would be worth it to buy your sig. other a webcam (and one for yourself obviously) so you can chat face to face daily. that might help prevent any major disconnects while at school

DrSatisfaction · Answer

simple solution for me...no matter where i go my gf's coming with me lol...

3underscore · Answer

I wish your future partner well when you get an assistant.

refurb · Answer

I'm going to give you a pass on that comment because I assume you let your insecurities get the better of you.

I can only tell you what's going on around me. I already know of a few people who have broken up with their significant others since starting school and have started dating other people in their class.

It all depends on the relationship. Imagine going from talking to and seeing each other everyday to being lucky to get 5 min on the phone to talk to your significant other? There are people here who brought their partners with them and THEY are having trouble keeping them happy. It's no joke. Your lifestyle will take a 180 turn and not every relationship is strong enough survive it.

RF

3underscore · Answer

It was just an off the cuff remark made in Jest, refurb.

I am well aware of how things work out, with two friends having broken up with significant others during first year now dating other friends from school (and from the same core group as well, which fits your rule well).

I do think that if the relationship is a good one, it will last fine. I have had friends with wives in other states do well, while people living with their partners have fallen apart. It is also true that the first semester is the toughest - I am sure my wife will agree, and the girlfriends of most my friends that were not part of the MBA program.

There is no insecurity - maybe you misunderstood but I have been through the whole two years of school maintaining a relationship with an outsider. Sometimes being in the same city is more a stress as it poses a difficulty to work closely with the school schedule, sometimes it offers security that it isn't out of sight, out of mind.

I suppose in part that I don’t feel it is too different from many MBA jobs – consultants are away a lot, Investment Bankers married to their job time-wise. If you are in a solid relationship it will survive this, if not it will likely fail and probably should because if not then, it likely will later.

I don’t agree at all about making excuses as to why the relationships end in the way that you allude, which seems to be making stronger bonds elsewhere or jealousy. Sure, I know a lot (if not the majority) of break-ups end with the person dating another in the program. There are tens of MBA weddings from each school every year, because the bonds are strong and time spent is extensive. A person can avoid this being an issue should the relationship matter enough, in my opinion. Maybe it involves walking away from situations when drinking (it probably does), but it is just a case of exercising choice and discretion.

Audio · Answer

Not sure I agree with you regarding BS vs work. In work hours are long, and yes you build relationships with co-workers, but there is nothing that incites you to interact socially, except Christmas and summer drinks (a London tradition, dunno if the NYC offices do it as much). In BS on the other hand, everything incites you to interact socially with your co-students, including the parties, the drinking, the dinners, the treks, the trips, etc. BS students have too much time on their hands for their own good, which tests relationships to the max. Plus work isn't always fun either, unlike BS. Relationships have a much harder time surviving all these elements than during work. There is also the issue that BS really stretches the limits of what is considered normal - regarding spending money, going out, etc - and "outsiders" (I mean this in a completely non-pejorative way) have a hard time grasping this - which is completely understandable because a lot of things going on in BS are not normal. I truly admire the fact that you kept a solid relationship during BS, well done. It takes a lot of judgement and discipline to do that. I smiled when you talked about walking away from potentially dangerous drinking situations; if everybody did that there would be a lot less broken couples :-)

However,unfortunately you are one of the (very) few who has managed to do that, because of the reasons I mentioned above. I do agree with you that the first semester is the most crucial - if you survive that relatively unscathed, there's a chance that you'll be fine. As a more general remark, I don't want to be the negative guy here, but couples should never underestimate the strain that BS puts on a relationship. It is impossible to understand unless you have been through it. If you think your couple will survive the 2 years easy peasy, think again, because so did 95% of the couples who broke up after 3 months of BS. I only know one couple that survived the long distance relationship while being physically apart and not married (those 2 elements are from my experience a game changer), and that's because one is at Wharton while the other is at Harvard, so they understand what it takes. Sorry for the negative post, but I just wanted to be sure that people realize how tough it is.

2012dreams · Answer

well, i think my relationship bit the dust :cry:

...we still need to talk about a few things, but i guess i will be free to mingle uninhibited next year :banana

Av · Answer

Congrats. It'll work out better for you this way anyhow. New beginnings

GoBruin · Answer

freedom isn't a bad thing in bschool. Plus I'm sure wharton is a great fishing spot.

mmphf · Answer

Um, I thought the only reason to go to grad school was to find a significant other? Oh wait, yeah, there's that learning and career thing too.

Sorry for your loss, but sounds like it's just in time for you. Free to mingle is a good thing.

FN · Answer

wharton is no fishing spot..we lack some serious talent!

Significant others & b-school

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