Re: Please rate my Argument essey. Thank you.
[#permalink]
27 Jul 2012, 12:38
Hi Stiv,
This essay is, unfortunately, weak, and it gets a 3.
It's well written and well organized, but the logic falls flat. Your second paragraph in particular is completely out of scope--the author's argument does not involve members of non-scientific careers, either directly or tangentially. He therefore does not assume that "only" scientists need this care! Your third paragraph is more on the mark, but it's very, very vague. You need to explore alternatives here, to explain how scientists can advance their careers without flexible requirements, or alternately, why it's acceptable for scientists with children to not advance careers.
Here's a few flaws in this stem, to help you out!
1) The author assumes that scientists working 60-80 hours a week aren't earning enough to afford child-care on their own.
2) The author singles out pre-school age children without justification, failing to explain why newborns and first-graders shouldnt' also spend time with parents
3) The author fails to establish that it is problematic for scientists with children to advance their careers
4) The author fails to establish that it's useful to have children spend a "significant portion" of each day with a parent.
5) The author fails to consider the proportion of scientists who have a stay-at-home spouse.