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Reference/recommendation letter problem

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ksenandrevna
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Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink] New post   21 May 2017, 13:23
As all schools require several recommendation letters and one of them would better be from your latest employer, I found myself in trouble. The story is not simple: after graduating with PhD in Europe, I decided to accept a job offer in NYC. The contract supposed to be for 2 years with a solid chance to prolong. I went without making sure my potential chief is worth such a life change ('cause I was largely dependend on visa and on her). It ended up bad: she accepted a job offer from another institution, promised me till the last moment that I am going to transfer to a new place with her, and then just dropped me half way annulating my visa as her department where I used to work was shut. To add insult to injury that happend right before Hannukah+Christmas season (dead time in NYC) AND while I found out I am pregnant. Needless to say I have to be schizophrenic to ask a reference from her as I simply do not know what to expect. During my work she praised my skills when she needed help or extra (unpaid) hours from me, but after what she did I cannot trust her fully. I understand that there is an essay #3 in every school to explain why I am not asking a reference from my last employer, but how should I access this sensitive topic without looking miserable or as if I am begging for a place?
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Re: Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink] New post   21 May 2017, 15:59
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I would do it but only if she is very eager to help. Any reticence, keep walking. Also, see if she is willing to work openly ie you can work with an editor and send her the final draft. Otherwise no. Consider current peers, past managers or even peers/internal clients and definitely anyone you worked for in a volunteer capacity. Hope this helps.

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[#permalink] New post   21 May 2017, 14:05
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Wow. Quite a situation. I am sorry to hear about the experience. On one hand you are right, seems it was a bad departure. On the other hand, the best way to turn an enemy into a friend is to ask them for help.

Your former boss probably would love closure as well and likely feels terrible. She may go above and beyond the norm for a recommendation but I would chat with her first and make sure she is not harboring any hurt feelings.

Just one thought.

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Re: Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink] New post   22 May 2017, 06:48
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ksenandrevna wrote:
As all schools require several recommendation letters and one of them would better be from your latest employer, I found myself in trouble. The story is not simple: after graduating with PhD in Europe, I decided to accept a job offer in NYC. The contract supposed to be for 2 years with a solid chance to prolong. I went without making sure my potential chief is worth such a life change ('cause I was largely dependend on visa and on her). It ended up bad: she accepted a job offer from another institution, promised me till the last moment that I am going to transfer to a new place with her, and then just dropped me half way annulating my visa as her department where I used to work was shut. To add insult to injury that happend right before Hannukah+Christmas season (dead time in NYC) AND while I found out I am pregnant. Needless to say I have to be schizophrenic to ask a reference from her as I simply do not know what to expect. During my work she praised my skills when she needed help or extra (unpaid) hours from me, but after what she did I cannot trust her fully. I understand that there is an essay #3 in every school to explain why I am not asking a reference from my last employer, but how should I access this sensitive topic without looking miserable or as if I am begging for a place?
First @Ksenadrevna, I'm sorry for all the stressful things in your story at the moment- I'm not even sure I am following it all- but it sounds like a lot is on your plate. So looking at this from the 30,000 ft view- make sure you are in a good place to start your MBA as it is a stressful and fully demanding program. Now, for recommendations- you want to make sure you ask people you trust- and if you do not trust your most recent supervisor- I would look at other options. Was there someone else SENIOR to you that you reported to? Are you involved in some non-profit or community leadership where someone senior to you can speak to your accomplishments? While it goes against conventional wisdom, I had a client last year who thinks he got a better recommendation from his Ph.D. advisor- so don't discount that person. While I generally don't recommend college rec letters- a Ph.D. thesis advisor is someone you work very closely with over 5 yrs- so that person should be able to say a lot about you. In your optional essay explaining why you chose someone else- try to stay out of the drama or saying anything bad about her/him. Just explain that x person (who you chose) has seen you in this situation and think they are a better fit. You can also mention briefly some concern in revealing MBA plans to employer so you are choosing someone else not in direct reporting line (try to have them be senior to you).
The point is- don't get into all the other details about pregnancy and bad blood with boss etc as these things are not relevant to the main message on why you chose a different recommender. Hope this helps- and best of luck in all the situations going on in life for you now. One thing I will say is that business schools are much better now than they were 20 yrs ago about helping to find ways for moms to make business school work so look at the women in business clubs if you are researching which schools have the best resources for parents- would not be the driver of your decision but could be helpful to get some insight about this as you are doing school research.
Best wishes to you!
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Re: Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink] New post   22 May 2017, 08:36
Thanks everyone for the great advice! The point of the question was exactly how I can justify picking up someone else without going into all this drama nd making a "poor thing" impression 'cause it's far from who I am. That just happened, and we all got over it. My former chief would surely promise to write a perfect letter, but she might end up not doing that. So, I wouldn't risk. I am pretty much sure MBA is what I need at this point of my life: I am ready, have enough of experience, and motivated. It is not a huge problem to find other people to give positive recommendations: I have clients (working freelance as a biomed consultant for newspapers and even one project at the TV and as a translator/writer), PhD advisor, advisor of the scholarship program for talented med students, etc. The only thing is that they all are not MOST RECENT. As far as I am concerned that's kind of a stain on the application.
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Re: Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink] New post   02 Dec 2019, 00:42
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Re: Reference/recommendation letter problem [#permalink]
02 Dec 2019, 00:42

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