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# Taking my GMAT THIS WEEK- please review my essay if you can! THANK YOU

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Intern
Joined: 30 Jun 2018
Posts: 1
Taking my GMAT THIS WEEK- please review my essay if you can! THANK YOU  [#permalink]

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30 Jun 2018, 07:15
The following appeared in the editorial section of a West Cambria newspaper:

“A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by a commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. In order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for our town by collecting service fees for ambulance use, we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service.”

The argument purported is flawed for several reasons. The author asserts that the town can generate better patient care and increase revenue by collecting fees for ambulance use. However, the author makes assumptions that undermine the validity of the argument.

One of the first assumptions made is that West Cambria and East Cambria are similar in each area’s respective need for ambulance services, the average number of victims, and nature of the roadways in each part of town. Specifically, the author assumes that West Cambria and East Cambria must respond to a comparable number of victims on average, so that if a commercial ambulance service was put in place of a volunteer service in West Cambria, then that team would be able to respond more efficiently. That argument is flawed because it does not take into consideration that the number of victims in West Cambria may differ from that in East Cambria. It could be the case that West Cambria has a higher crime rate and needs to respond to more trauma cases. In addition, the argument fails to consider that the roadways may vary between East and West Cambria. Perhaps there is a major highway that runs through East Cambria, allowing for more ease in efficiently reaching the hospital via ambulance whereas the highway does not run all the way through West Cambria and so the ambulance must use side roads, reducing its efficiency.

The argument makes further unwarranted assumptions in that better and more efficient patient care is provided by employees of a commercial ambulance. The argument fails to consider the quality of work provided for those individuals working in the commercial ambulance or volunteer ambulance. It is possible that the volunteers working in the volunteer ambulance are more motivated to perform well and are providing more thorough care for each patient in the ambulance which causes slightly increased response time. The argument also makes the assumption that the town of Cambria would be able to employ additional workers in West Cambria for a commercial ambulance, which may be difficult if the majority of those citizens qualified for the job work in the East Cambria ambulance service.

Because of numerous unwarranted assumptions, the argument is flawed. The argument asserts that disbanding the volunteer ambulance and hiring a commercial ambulance service would improve response time, improve patient care, and increase revenue for the town. It is clear that this argument is without basis from the aforementioned assumptions.
Manager
Joined: 03 Apr 2018
Posts: 83
Location: United Arab Emirates
GMAT 1: 700 Q49 V35
GPA: 4
Re: Taking my GMAT THIS WEEK- please review my essay if you can! THANK YOU  [#permalink]

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17 Jul 2018, 04:37
“A recent review of the West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by a commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. In order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for our town by collecting service fees for ambulance use, we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service.”

The argument stating that "we should disband our volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service", is flawed because of some reasons mentioned below:
Firstly, the argument fails to give more reasons for disbanding the volunteer service and hiring a commercial one.
Secondly, we are not sure whether it is economically feasible to get more number of commercial ambulances, compared to the volunteer ambulances.
Moreover, the argument uses certain ambiguous terms such as "longer average response time". It is just comparing the response time of the volunteer ambulance with that of the commercial ambulance. The premise doesn't mention anything about the response time which can be considered safe for the patients to reach the patient care centres and get themselves treated.
We don't know if the " longer than average response time" is long enough for any patient care to be given to the patients or not.
Lastly, the conclusion is too strong. It forms an opinion about disbanding the volunteer service only on one factor. Had there been more factors suggesting poor service of the volunteer ambulance service, they would've supported the conclusion.

The argument can be strengthened if it mentions certain things like the maximum time that can be given to the ambulances to reach the patient care centers.
Some more factors such as comparison of the services offered by commercial and volunteer ambulance services can be thrown light upon, in order to support the conclusion more.
Re: Taking my GMAT THIS WEEK- please review my essay if you can! THANK YOU &nbs [#permalink] 17 Jul 2018, 04:37
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