Hello - if anyone is willing to briefly assess my first AWA practice attempt, it would be greatly appreciated
ResponseThe argument provided to convince corporations to consider Helios as a place to do future business or expand into, is inadequate in several ways. Firstly, the premises given to sell organizations on the prospect are concerningly vague with no supporting statistical evidence. Secondly, the argument is missing critical information that corporations would need to make a significant decision such as whether to expand into a new city. Finally, the argument provides a course of action – expanding its economic base – without any information as to how this will be achieved. These three concerns will be elaborated on and then some recommendations will be provided that would help strengthen the argument for Helios and allow corporations to make this type of commitment.
For prospective corporations weighing the utility of expanding business into Helios, knowing information about the city such as unemployment rates is relevant. However, the argument fails to contextualize the unemployment rates of both Helios and the region, in general. What if the regional rates are extremely high compared to other regions, and the rate of Helios is only slightly lower? If so, this offers little value. Oppositely, if the regional unemployment rate is lower than other regions, then a much better argument can be made for Helios. Context is critical when discussing statistical evidence.
The second issue with the argument pertains to missing information. While the unemployment rate discussed, despite lacking specific details, would be useful for a company deciding whether to expand into Helios, the argument failed to provide any other relevant economic justification. Depending on the economic situation in Helios, providing details such as cost of living, wages, or city tax credits and incentives for new businesses would be valuable. The decision to move to a new city must make financial sense for corporations, and additional details would allow for these corporations to better evaluate the opportunity.
The final issue with the argument is the premise that the city is looking to attract research and development (R&D) firms to the region in order to expand its economic base. Though wise to mention, more information is necessary. The argument leaves out any plan of action in place to achieve this goal. Even a brief outline of what conditions exist that could ensure these firms would be successful, would help. For example, does Helios have a talent pool available that could staff these R&D organizations, or is Helios predominantly a blue-collar city? As the argument states that Helios is a manufacturing hub, the individuals with the specialized backgrounds needed to work at R&D organizations may tend to leave the city to seek employment opportunities elsewhere. This creates a major barrier to achieving this objective.
Overall, though Helios may be a suitable location for corporations looking to expand, the argument does not do a sufficient job of convincing the reader. A few approaches could be utilized to fix this problem. Regarding the first two issues discussed, specific evidence about the economic benefits of doing business in Helios is needed, rather than vague statements. If organizations can reduce expenses and increase profits, this information must be featured. Regarding the R&D expansion attempt of Helios, a feasibility analysis would be beneficial. The analysis could be used to effectively relay why these efforts are likely to succeed, rather than simply stating that an attempt is being made. Too much is at stake for corporations looking to make decisions about expansion; statements of intent will not suffice. These efforts outline should make the argument for Helios as a potential destination more appealing.
As discussed, the argument provided is insufficient as it stands. Despite some important considerations being introduced, minimal assurance was provided. The undefined “lower” unemployment rate exemplified this issue. Any corporations contemplating such a business opportunity would need more relevant evidence and details to commit to such a significant decision. Therefore, any short or long-term financial benefits of doing business in Helios should be provided, along with the proposed feasibility analysis. Demonstrating these for prospective businesses would strengthen the argument for Helios and allow organizations to better assess the opportunity.
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