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avlachos99
Joined: 03 Feb 2022
Last visit: 11 Jun 2022
Posts: 10
Given Kudos: 12
Location: Greece
Schools: Other Schools
GPA: 3.67
10 May 2022, 05:21
Kudos
Bookmarks
Could you please evaluate my essay from Princeton Review practice test 9? What puzzles me is that Princeton reviewer's grade was 3.5 and I have been receiving grades of 1-2 grade units lower from Princeton than I have from other platforms / essay graders, making it more difficult to gauge my actual AWA level.
Prompt:
"The term 'couch potato' may seem harmless, but television watching has been shown to shift mental activity from higher brain regions to lower ones. That is because TV is a one-way medium, reducing one's tendency to engage and interact. Using a computer, on the other hand, is a two-way activity that encourages interaction. Since many television watchers report feeling sluggish and even sleepy after several hours' viewing, it is clear that switching off the TV and switching on the computer will result in increased energy, brain activity, and mental sharpness."
Answer:
The author of the argument claims that using a computer instead of watching television will result to increased energy, brain activity and mental sharpness. In order to support this claim, the author mentions that television watching shifts mental activity to lower brain regions, that computers encourage more interaction than televisions do and that TV watchers report feelings of sluggishness and sleepiness after several hours of viewing. The argument, as it stands, is unsubstantiated, as it relies on assumptions which are not clearly supported by the evidence and whose truth is necessary in order to reach to that particular conclusion.
First of all, the author cites that television shifts mental activity from higher brain regions to lower ones. For one thing, he does not provide any study or evidence to validiate this claim. Most importantly, he does not cite any link between the location of the mental activity within the brain and the resulting levels of energy, mental sharpness or brain activity. On the contrary, he merely assummes that shifting mental activity in lower areas of the brain causes lower energy levels, mental sharpness and brain functioning, and vice versa. In order to better evaluate the usefulness of this evidence for the argument's conclusion, one would require a scientific correlation between the brain region of mental activity and the individuals' energy and brain activity levels in general.
Furthermore, just because the computer is a two-way medium, its users do not necessarily interact with it any more than they do with television. In particular, if the purpose of the individual is to watch a movie or a series, switching to a computer will result in minimal differences in the individual's level of engagement and, according to the author's line of reasoning, to the level of mental sharpness and activity.
Lastly, the author clearly implies that the level of engagement is crucial when it comes to energy and brain activity levels. While this thought might have some merit, extensive use of either a computer of a television can be almost equally exhausting mentally. Even if many television users feel sluggish or sleepy after several hours of viewing, that might aswell be the case for computer users. In order to strengthen his line of reasoning, the author should articulate the consequences of excessive hour of computer usage on the subsequent levels of energy, brain activity etc.
To summarize, the argument omits the aforementioned key several factors, on the basis of which it could better be evaluated. An established link between the region of mental activity and activity levels and the effects of excessive computer usage on the same levels comprise necessary information that the author should provide and the absence of which renders the argument unconvincing.
Prompt:
"The term 'couch potato' may seem harmless, but television watching has been shown to shift mental activity from higher brain regions to lower ones. That is because TV is a one-way medium, reducing one's tendency to engage and interact. Using a computer, on the other hand, is a two-way activity that encourages interaction. Since many television watchers report feeling sluggish and even sleepy after several hours' viewing, it is clear that switching off the TV and switching on the computer will result in increased energy, brain activity, and mental sharpness."
Answer:
The author of the argument claims that using a computer instead of watching television will result to increased energy, brain activity and mental sharpness. In order to support this claim, the author mentions that television watching shifts mental activity to lower brain regions, that computers encourage more interaction than televisions do and that TV watchers report feelings of sluggishness and sleepiness after several hours of viewing. The argument, as it stands, is unsubstantiated, as it relies on assumptions which are not clearly supported by the evidence and whose truth is necessary in order to reach to that particular conclusion.
First of all, the author cites that television shifts mental activity from higher brain regions to lower ones. For one thing, he does not provide any study or evidence to validiate this claim. Most importantly, he does not cite any link between the location of the mental activity within the brain and the resulting levels of energy, mental sharpness or brain activity. On the contrary, he merely assummes that shifting mental activity in lower areas of the brain causes lower energy levels, mental sharpness and brain functioning, and vice versa. In order to better evaluate the usefulness of this evidence for the argument's conclusion, one would require a scientific correlation between the brain region of mental activity and the individuals' energy and brain activity levels in general.
Furthermore, just because the computer is a two-way medium, its users do not necessarily interact with it any more than they do with television. In particular, if the purpose of the individual is to watch a movie or a series, switching to a computer will result in minimal differences in the individual's level of engagement and, according to the author's line of reasoning, to the level of mental sharpness and activity.
Lastly, the author clearly implies that the level of engagement is crucial when it comes to energy and brain activity levels. While this thought might have some merit, extensive use of either a computer of a television can be almost equally exhausting mentally. Even if many television users feel sluggish or sleepy after several hours of viewing, that might aswell be the case for computer users. In order to strengthen his line of reasoning, the author should articulate the consequences of excessive hour of computer usage on the subsequent levels of energy, brain activity etc.
To summarize, the argument omits the aforementioned key several factors, on the basis of which it could better be evaluated. An established link between the region of mental activity and activity levels and the effects of excessive computer usage on the same levels comprise necessary information that the author should provide and the absence of which renders the argument unconvincing.
10 May 2022, 09:42
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
avlachos99
11 May 2022, 11:35
Kudos
Bookmarks
Dear GMAT club lectors, I also tried this topic. I appreciate your feedback ! 
The author of the article argues that being a couch potato watching TV is more harmful to the brain activity than spending time on a computer. He argues that the “one-way” medium television especially reduces the activity in the brain regions for interaction and engagement. In order to avoid adverse effects on one’s cognitive abilities, the author suggests to work on a computer instead as this allows, between others, to have more brain activity. As good as this explanation sounds, the argument is flawed and is not well present for the following reasons:
Fristly, the author of the paragraph totally neglects to present any valid medical study to underpin the main argumentation of the claim he was presenting. Without proving that any television content leads to decreased brain activity and therefore to negative effects for the person mental situation, the argument cannot make a statement. For example, if a person watches a quiz show and also personally gets engaged in the questions present, he/she would definitely use higher brain regions by thinking about questions. In addition, the learning part of the brain would also be activated as new information will be processed. The statement does not take this into account and leaves out positives effects of television consume.
On the other hand, the writer of the argument wrongly assumes that any activity conducted on a computer leads to increased brain activity and thus to increased energy and mental sharpness. Let’s assume the respective person just switches from the television to the computer to watch videos on any online video portal. Although he needs to think in the first place what to watch and where to find it, the actual activity while watching a video online does not differ significantly from watching a tv show or movie. The positive effects from switching the devise vanished after a short period of time.
In addition, the argument also does not take into account negative effects of extensive computer activity. Although the two-way interaction on the computer is beneficially for the brain and mental activity in the first place, potential long-term effects of extensive computer consume are not analyzed by the author. It can be that the brain activity is higher computer activity for the first one or two ours, but the brain activity significantly reduces thereafter and again lower regions of the brain take over to coordinate interactions with the machine. As for example searching for new shoes involves repeating steps performed in front of the computer, the brain recognizes the pattern and shifts it to the lower regions of the brain. This will then also lead to reduced mental activity and exhaustion.
Summing these findings up, it can be shown that the author omits essential parts of argument and the paragraph is therefore failing to achieve its intention. The potential positive effects on the brain activity of television consume, missing proof of adverse effects of watching television and potential adverse long-term effects of computer activity show that this claim is poorly presented and flawed in its argumentation
Posted from my mobile device
The author of the article argues that being a couch potato watching TV is more harmful to the brain activity than spending time on a computer. He argues that the “one-way” medium television especially reduces the activity in the brain regions for interaction and engagement. In order to avoid adverse effects on one’s cognitive abilities, the author suggests to work on a computer instead as this allows, between others, to have more brain activity. As good as this explanation sounds, the argument is flawed and is not well present for the following reasons:
Fristly, the author of the paragraph totally neglects to present any valid medical study to underpin the main argumentation of the claim he was presenting. Without proving that any television content leads to decreased brain activity and therefore to negative effects for the person mental situation, the argument cannot make a statement. For example, if a person watches a quiz show and also personally gets engaged in the questions present, he/she would definitely use higher brain regions by thinking about questions. In addition, the learning part of the brain would also be activated as new information will be processed. The statement does not take this into account and leaves out positives effects of television consume.
On the other hand, the writer of the argument wrongly assumes that any activity conducted on a computer leads to increased brain activity and thus to increased energy and mental sharpness. Let’s assume the respective person just switches from the television to the computer to watch videos on any online video portal. Although he needs to think in the first place what to watch and where to find it, the actual activity while watching a video online does not differ significantly from watching a tv show or movie. The positive effects from switching the devise vanished after a short period of time.
In addition, the argument also does not take into account negative effects of extensive computer activity. Although the two-way interaction on the computer is beneficially for the brain and mental activity in the first place, potential long-term effects of extensive computer consume are not analyzed by the author. It can be that the brain activity is higher computer activity for the first one or two ours, but the brain activity significantly reduces thereafter and again lower regions of the brain take over to coordinate interactions with the machine. As for example searching for new shoes involves repeating steps performed in front of the computer, the brain recognizes the pattern and shifts it to the lower regions of the brain. This will then also lead to reduced mental activity and exhaustion.
Summing these findings up, it can be shown that the author omits essential parts of argument and the paragraph is therefore failing to achieve its intention. The potential positive effects on the brain activity of television consume, missing proof of adverse effects of watching television and potential adverse long-term effects of computer activity show that this claim is poorly presented and flawed in its argumentation
Posted from my mobile device
