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06 Aug 2023, 14:15
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Hi! can someone give me feedback on my AWA response below from Gmat Write:
Prompt:
“Last year, the city contracted with Flower Power to plant a variety of flowers in big decorative pots on Main Street and to water them each week. By midsummer many of the plants were wilted. This year the city should either contract for two waterings a week or save money by planting artificial flowers in the pots. According to Flower Power, the initial cost for artificial flowers would be twice as much as for real plants, but after two years, we would save money. Public reaction certainly supports this position: in a recent survey, over 1,200 Gazette readers said that the city wastes money and should find ways to reduce spending.”
My response:
The first main issue with the argument relates to the argument's claim that many of the plants were wilted by midsummer. The author does not mention exactly how many plants were wilted, but instead states that "many" were wilted. In addition, the author does not mention how many total flowers were planted in the first place. Therefore, the readers do not know how serious the issue truly is, since it could be the case that the city planted hundreds of flowers and only five or six were wilted. The author could have significantly strengthened the argument by giving a percentage of plants that were wilted. For example, if the author stated that 95% of the plants were wilted, this would carry a lot more weight than simply stating that "many" of the plants were wilted. Another issue with this piece of evidence is that it is not clear why exactly the plants became wilted. The author makes the assumption that they became wilted because they were not watered enough, but the plants could have become wilted because they did not experience enough sunlight. Therefore, the argument could have been strengthened if there was clear evidence indicating that the cause of the wilted plants was a lack of water.
Another main issue with the argument relates to the evidence cited from the survey. To support his conclusion, the argument cites a survey in which respondents indicated that the city wastes money and should find ways to reduce spending. However, the argument does not indicate how many respondents were surveyed. Therefore, it could be the case that 100,000 individuals were surveyed and only 1,200 of those respondents claimed that the government should reduce spending. The argument could have been strengthened if the author stated the percentage of individuals who claimed that the government needs to reduce spending. In addition, another issue with this piece of evidence is that the respondents do not directly claim that they would support the author's conclusion; they merely indicate that the government wastes a lot of money and should reduce its spending. Therefore, the respondents may or may not agree with the author's conclusion of contracting for two waterings a week or planting artificial flowers in the pots. The argument would have been far stronger if it offered evidence of a majority of individuals in a survey indicating that they would support the author's plan.
In addition, the author's conclusion for solving the issue of wilted flowers is vague and the author does not make it clear how the conclusion would solve the issue being discussed. In regards to the first option of the plan, in which the government should contract for two waterings a week, the argument does not give any reasoning as to why this plan would be successful. The author does not make a persuasive argument as to why two waterings a week, as opposed to one, would prevent the plants from becoming wilted. Furthermore, the author uses weak evidence to support the second option for his conclusion, in which the government could purchase artificial flowers. Rather than giving strong evidence as to how exactly this would be a good idea for the city, the author claims that it would actually be more expensive initially, but that after two years, they would save money. This evidence is very unclear; he does not give specific data on how much money would be saved. Therefore, the city could save $1 or $10,000. The argument would be strengthened if the author used specific numbers to provide evidence for how money would be saved.
Overall, the argument makes unsubstantiated claims and uses weak evidence that do not support the conclusion. If the author used more clear, relevant evidence and made it more clear how his solution would address the issue, then the argument would be far more persuasive.
Prompt:
“Last year, the city contracted with Flower Power to plant a variety of flowers in big decorative pots on Main Street and to water them each week. By midsummer many of the plants were wilted. This year the city should either contract for two waterings a week or save money by planting artificial flowers in the pots. According to Flower Power, the initial cost for artificial flowers would be twice as much as for real plants, but after two years, we would save money. Public reaction certainly supports this position: in a recent survey, over 1,200 Gazette readers said that the city wastes money and should find ways to reduce spending.”
My response:
The first main issue with the argument relates to the argument's claim that many of the plants were wilted by midsummer. The author does not mention exactly how many plants were wilted, but instead states that "many" were wilted. In addition, the author does not mention how many total flowers were planted in the first place. Therefore, the readers do not know how serious the issue truly is, since it could be the case that the city planted hundreds of flowers and only five or six were wilted. The author could have significantly strengthened the argument by giving a percentage of plants that were wilted. For example, if the author stated that 95% of the plants were wilted, this would carry a lot more weight than simply stating that "many" of the plants were wilted. Another issue with this piece of evidence is that it is not clear why exactly the plants became wilted. The author makes the assumption that they became wilted because they were not watered enough, but the plants could have become wilted because they did not experience enough sunlight. Therefore, the argument could have been strengthened if there was clear evidence indicating that the cause of the wilted plants was a lack of water.
Another main issue with the argument relates to the evidence cited from the survey. To support his conclusion, the argument cites a survey in which respondents indicated that the city wastes money and should find ways to reduce spending. However, the argument does not indicate how many respondents were surveyed. Therefore, it could be the case that 100,000 individuals were surveyed and only 1,200 of those respondents claimed that the government should reduce spending. The argument could have been strengthened if the author stated the percentage of individuals who claimed that the government needs to reduce spending. In addition, another issue with this piece of evidence is that the respondents do not directly claim that they would support the author's conclusion; they merely indicate that the government wastes a lot of money and should reduce its spending. Therefore, the respondents may or may not agree with the author's conclusion of contracting for two waterings a week or planting artificial flowers in the pots. The argument would have been far stronger if it offered evidence of a majority of individuals in a survey indicating that they would support the author's plan.
In addition, the author's conclusion for solving the issue of wilted flowers is vague and the author does not make it clear how the conclusion would solve the issue being discussed. In regards to the first option of the plan, in which the government should contract for two waterings a week, the argument does not give any reasoning as to why this plan would be successful. The author does not make a persuasive argument as to why two waterings a week, as opposed to one, would prevent the plants from becoming wilted. Furthermore, the author uses weak evidence to support the second option for his conclusion, in which the government could purchase artificial flowers. Rather than giving strong evidence as to how exactly this would be a good idea for the city, the author claims that it would actually be more expensive initially, but that after two years, they would save money. This evidence is very unclear; he does not give specific data on how much money would be saved. Therefore, the city could save $1 or $10,000. The argument would be strengthened if the author used specific numbers to provide evidence for how money would be saved.
Overall, the argument makes unsubstantiated claims and uses weak evidence that do not support the conclusion. If the author used more clear, relevant evidence and made it more clear how his solution would address the issue, then the argument would be far more persuasive.
07 Aug 2023, 11:42
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AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay demonstrates good coherence and connectivity. The writer effectively presents a clear line of reasoning and connects the ideas in a logical sequence. The essay's organization is well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on specific issues with the argument. The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth.
Word Structure: 5.5/6
The word structure in the essay is generally strong. The writer effectively conveys their ideas, and the language is clear and concise. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and vocabulary. However, there are a few minor grammatical and structural issues that could be improved for even greater clarity.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5.5/6
The essay is well-structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific flaw in the argument. The writer maintains a clear topic sentence and provides supporting details in each paragraph. However, a few paragraphs could be better developed with additional evidence or examples.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language used in the essay is generally effective and appropriate for the task. The writer demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and some grammatical errors that could be addressed for improved clarity.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5.5/6
The vocabulary used in the essay is suitable and effectively expresses the writer's ideas. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, a few stronger word choices and more varied expressions could further enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Overall, the essay provides a well-reasoned evaluation of the argument's weaknesses. The writer effectively critiques the flawed assumptions and offers insightful counterarguments. The essay is coherent and logically connected, making it a compelling response. With minor improvements in grammar and vocabulary, the essay could become even stronger. The writer's clear organization and logical analysis contribute to the overall persuasiveness of the response. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the argument and effectively evaluates its flaws.
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay demonstrates good coherence and connectivity. The writer effectively presents a clear line of reasoning and connects the ideas in a logical sequence. The essay's organization is well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on specific issues with the argument. The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth.
Word Structure: 5.5/6
The word structure in the essay is generally strong. The writer effectively conveys their ideas, and the language is clear and concise. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and vocabulary. However, there are a few minor grammatical and structural issues that could be improved for even greater clarity.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5.5/6
The essay is well-structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific flaw in the argument. The writer maintains a clear topic sentence and provides supporting details in each paragraph. However, a few paragraphs could be better developed with additional evidence or examples.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language used in the essay is generally effective and appropriate for the task. The writer demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and some grammatical errors that could be addressed for improved clarity.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5.5/6
The vocabulary used in the essay is suitable and effectively expresses the writer's ideas. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, a few stronger word choices and more varied expressions could further enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Overall, the essay provides a well-reasoned evaluation of the argument's weaknesses. The writer effectively critiques the flawed assumptions and offers insightful counterarguments. The essay is coherent and logically connected, making it a compelling response. With minor improvements in grammar and vocabulary, the essay could become even stronger. The writer's clear organization and logical analysis contribute to the overall persuasiveness of the response. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the argument and effectively evaluates its flaws.
marinah1656
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