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10 Jan 2024, 15:47
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Please review the following AWA essay - the word count is 399 words.
Essay Topic:
“Reelect Adams, and you will be voting for proven leadership in improving the state’s economy. Over the past year alone, 70 percent of the state’s workers have had increases in their wages, 5,000 new jobs have been created, and six corporations have located their headquarters here. Most of the respondents in a recent poll said they believed that the economy is likely to continue to improve if Adams is reelected. Adams’s opponent, Zebulon, would lead our state in the wrong direction, because Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams’s economic policies.”
The argument states that re-electing Adam would mean proven leadership in improving the state’s economy. The conclusion drawn is based on the premise that the state has experienced growth in terms of wages and employment and has few corporations set up their headquarters in the state. In the establishment of the argument few factors have been vaguely assumed without clear evidence. Consequently, the argument has several flaws which make it unconvincing.
Firstly, the facts presented stating that 70% of the state’s workers have had increases in wages, creation of 5000 new jobs and new corporations setting up headquarters in the state are put across in a way to suggest this growth has been through Adam’s leadership. However, there has been no clear evidence stating the association of Adam’s leadership and the growth. It is possible that this growth had already occurred in previous years. If the argument clearly stated the correct timeline and association between Adam’s leadership and the growth, it could be strengthened.
Secondly, the argument, on the basis of results from a poll, states that the respondents believe the economy will continue to grow if Adam is re-elected. However, it is not clearly stated who represents this poll, the demographics and the number of people participating in the poll. Additionally, it does not even state how and on what basis does this group of people represent the beliefs of all people in the state. If these issues are addressed, the argument could be strengthened.
Lastly, the argument also states Adam’s opponent, Zeublon’s disagreement with Adam’s economic policies and how that could lead the state in the wrong direction. All political leaders could have different views or same views and different methods of execution. If Zeublon disagrees with Adam, it does not mean that Adam’s view is incorrect or that Zeublon’s view in correct. There is also a possibility that Zeublon’s economic policies result in far more benefits for the state overall.
In conclusion the argument is not convincing because of the the above mentioned flaws. If the argument presented clear evidence regarding the timeline of Adam’s leadership and the benefits to the state, the validity of the group of respondents in the poll and also suggested with proof about how the outcomes of one leader are of greater benefits to the state, it could be strengthened. Hence, in its current state, the argument is weak and unsound.
Essay Topic:
“Reelect Adams, and you will be voting for proven leadership in improving the state’s economy. Over the past year alone, 70 percent of the state’s workers have had increases in their wages, 5,000 new jobs have been created, and six corporations have located their headquarters here. Most of the respondents in a recent poll said they believed that the economy is likely to continue to improve if Adams is reelected. Adams’s opponent, Zebulon, would lead our state in the wrong direction, because Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams’s economic policies.”
The argument states that re-electing Adam would mean proven leadership in improving the state’s economy. The conclusion drawn is based on the premise that the state has experienced growth in terms of wages and employment and has few corporations set up their headquarters in the state. In the establishment of the argument few factors have been vaguely assumed without clear evidence. Consequently, the argument has several flaws which make it unconvincing.
Firstly, the facts presented stating that 70% of the state’s workers have had increases in wages, creation of 5000 new jobs and new corporations setting up headquarters in the state are put across in a way to suggest this growth has been through Adam’s leadership. However, there has been no clear evidence stating the association of Adam’s leadership and the growth. It is possible that this growth had already occurred in previous years. If the argument clearly stated the correct timeline and association between Adam’s leadership and the growth, it could be strengthened.
Secondly, the argument, on the basis of results from a poll, states that the respondents believe the economy will continue to grow if Adam is re-elected. However, it is not clearly stated who represents this poll, the demographics and the number of people participating in the poll. Additionally, it does not even state how and on what basis does this group of people represent the beliefs of all people in the state. If these issues are addressed, the argument could be strengthened.
Lastly, the argument also states Adam’s opponent, Zeublon’s disagreement with Adam’s economic policies and how that could lead the state in the wrong direction. All political leaders could have different views or same views and different methods of execution. If Zeublon disagrees with Adam, it does not mean that Adam’s view is incorrect or that Zeublon’s view in correct. There is also a possibility that Zeublon’s economic policies result in far more benefits for the state overall.
In conclusion the argument is not convincing because of the the above mentioned flaws. If the argument presented clear evidence regarding the timeline of Adam’s leadership and the benefits to the state, the validity of the group of respondents in the poll and also suggested with proof about how the outcomes of one leader are of greater benefits to the state, it could be strengthened. Hence, in its current state, the argument is weak and unsound.
12 Jan 2024, 11:38
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AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and connectivity. Each paragraph follows logically from the previous one, and the ideas flow smoothly. The writer uses effective transitions to connect different points, creating a well-organized and cohesive essay.
Word Structure: 5/6
The word structure is generally strong, with varied sentence lengths and structures. The writer effectively uses vocabulary to convey their ideas. However, there are a few instances where sentences could be more concise, leading to a more impactful presentation of ideas.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6
The essay exhibits a sound paragraph structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the analysis, while each subsequent paragraph delves into different flaws in the argument. However, there's room for improvement in the conclusion, which could summarize key points more explicitly.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language used is generally precise and sophisticated. Grammar is sound, with only a few minor issues such as missing articles or prepositions. The essay effectively conveys its message without distracting language errors.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5.5/6
The writer employs a rich vocabulary and expresses ideas with clarity. There's a good balance between simple and complex words, contributing to the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay. Occasionally, a slight overuse of certain terms might be addressed to enhance variety.
Overall: 5/6
The essay is well-structured, coherent, and effectively analyzes the flaws in the given argument. Minor improvements in sentence structure, concise expression, and varied vocabulary could elevate the overall quality of the response.
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6
The essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and connectivity. Each paragraph follows logically from the previous one, and the ideas flow smoothly. The writer uses effective transitions to connect different points, creating a well-organized and cohesive essay.
Word Structure: 5/6
The word structure is generally strong, with varied sentence lengths and structures. The writer effectively uses vocabulary to convey their ideas. However, there are a few instances where sentences could be more concise, leading to a more impactful presentation of ideas.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6
The essay exhibits a sound paragraph structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the analysis, while each subsequent paragraph delves into different flaws in the argument. However, there's room for improvement in the conclusion, which could summarize key points more explicitly.
Language and Grammar: 5/6
The language used is generally precise and sophisticated. Grammar is sound, with only a few minor issues such as missing articles or prepositions. The essay effectively conveys its message without distracting language errors.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5.5/6
The writer employs a rich vocabulary and expresses ideas with clarity. There's a good balance between simple and complex words, contributing to the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay. Occasionally, a slight overuse of certain terms might be addressed to enhance variety.
Overall: 5/6
The essay is well-structured, coherent, and effectively analyzes the flaws in the given argument. Minor improvements in sentence structure, concise expression, and varied vocabulary could elevate the overall quality of the response.
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