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25 Jan 2021, 06:28
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi all,
It would be great to have someone grade + comment on any issues to improve on my AWA practice essays. I don't wanna just keep practice writing them without any external comments.
Also, I keep running overtime on AWA essays for like 5-10 mins (so I usually spend 35-40 mins in total). Any tips for more efficient time use?
Thank you!
Here's the prompt (from Official guide 2019)
The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newspaper:
“The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane’s warning system can receive signals from another’s transponder -- a radio set that signals a plane’s course -- in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action.”
My essay below:
The argument above concludes that the new on-board warning system that will be installed in aircrafts of commercial airliners will actually help remedy the midair plane collision problem. The author draws such conclusion from the fact that the warning system can receive signals from another plane’s transpondor to estimate the probability of a collision and suggest an evasive plan. The author, however, bases his conclusion on several implicit assumptions that lack sufficient evidence to support, failing to make the argument convincing.
Firstly, the author assumes that, by ackowledging the likelihood of a collision and the new system’s recommended evasive action, pilots and cabin crews can actually use the information from the system to save the plane from crashing midair. It could be that, despite available information regarding the possible crashes, planes cannot avoid the bound collision because the information provided by the system is too limited. If that is the case, then the warning system will not actually solve the plane collision problem as the author claims. Further evidence on how effective this provided information is in actually solving plane crashes shold be mentioned so that this assumption is proved valid.
Additionally, the author relies on an assumption that all of the aircrafts of commercial airlines will be required to install the warning system. If, however, only newly manufactured aircrafts are required to install the system, or the system is not at all required by laws or airline standards to be equipped in airplanes, then the system will not be installed in that many airplanes and will not help much in reducing the collisions of airplanes as the author states. More information regarding whether the system would be required to be installed on commercial airline’s airplanes could help in evaluating this assumption.
In conclusion, the above argument relies on a few assumptions that require further information for itself to be convincing. First, the author assumes that the information provided by the new system would be effective in help save the planes from collision. He could provide further information that knowing the chances of collision and recommended evasive action is proved to save the planes from crashing. Such information will help stengthen the argument. Also, the author assumes that most of the commercial airlines’ planes will actually be equppied with the new system. If the author provides some evidence that new laws are issued and require such system to be installed on both new and existing aircrafts, the argument will be more persuasive.
It would be great to have someone grade + comment on any issues to improve on my AWA practice essays. I don't wanna just keep practice writing them without any external comments.
Also, I keep running overtime on AWA essays for like 5-10 mins (so I usually spend 35-40 mins in total). Any tips for more efficient time use?
Thank you!
Here's the prompt (from Official guide 2019)
The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newspaper:
“The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane’s warning system can receive signals from another’s transponder -- a radio set that signals a plane’s course -- in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action.”
My essay below:
The argument above concludes that the new on-board warning system that will be installed in aircrafts of commercial airliners will actually help remedy the midair plane collision problem. The author draws such conclusion from the fact that the warning system can receive signals from another plane’s transpondor to estimate the probability of a collision and suggest an evasive plan. The author, however, bases his conclusion on several implicit assumptions that lack sufficient evidence to support, failing to make the argument convincing.
Firstly, the author assumes that, by ackowledging the likelihood of a collision and the new system’s recommended evasive action, pilots and cabin crews can actually use the information from the system to save the plane from crashing midair. It could be that, despite available information regarding the possible crashes, planes cannot avoid the bound collision because the information provided by the system is too limited. If that is the case, then the warning system will not actually solve the plane collision problem as the author claims. Further evidence on how effective this provided information is in actually solving plane crashes shold be mentioned so that this assumption is proved valid.
Additionally, the author relies on an assumption that all of the aircrafts of commercial airlines will be required to install the warning system. If, however, only newly manufactured aircrafts are required to install the system, or the system is not at all required by laws or airline standards to be equipped in airplanes, then the system will not be installed in that many airplanes and will not help much in reducing the collisions of airplanes as the author states. More information regarding whether the system would be required to be installed on commercial airline’s airplanes could help in evaluating this assumption.
In conclusion, the above argument relies on a few assumptions that require further information for itself to be convincing. First, the author assumes that the information provided by the new system would be effective in help save the planes from collision. He could provide further information that knowing the chances of collision and recommended evasive action is proved to save the planes from crashing. Such information will help stengthen the argument. Also, the author assumes that most of the commercial airlines’ planes will actually be equppied with the new system. If the author provides some evidence that new laws are issued and require such system to be installed on both new and existing aircrafts, the argument will be more persuasive.
26 Feb 2021, 16:32
Kudos
Bookmarks
Moderator Edit:
AWA Score: 6 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay and it scored it at 5.9 out of 6!
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
AWA Score: 6 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay and it scored it at 5.9 out of 6!
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
jorrjan
Moderator:
