Hi all,
I am taking the GMAT exam tomorrow and I would like to have some help in evaluating my last AWA essay. I have used the GMAT-write tool and got a 6

However, I feel that with the human evaluator, the grade will be much lower and would appreciate if someone can rate it or give me specific feedback.
Thanks!!!
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The following appeared in a report to shareholders of Watchweek, a popular news magazine:
Over the last few years, Watchweek has had trouble retaining employees, and few employees are being promoted to higher management positions from within the company. To improve employee retention and advancement, the board of directors recently hired a new Managing Editor, Norman Wyman. For the past few years, Wyman has been the Creative Editor at Pattycake Publishing, a leading publisher of children’s books. Mr. Wyman plans to employ a new management philosophy that he developed while at Pattycake Publishing: he gets employees actively involved in their work through an increased use of interactive computer technologies and collaborative group projects. This approach encouraged creativity and resourcefulness in Pattycake Publishing's employees, and it will surely convince more of Watchweek'semployees to stay and advance within the company.
Discuss ...
----------------MY RESPONSE---------------
The argument assumes that Watchweek will be able to improve employee retaining thanks to the incorporation of Norman Wyman, a new Managing Editor. Mr Wyman plans get the employees actively involved in their work by using interactive computer technologies and colaborative group projects. The company is convinced that this approach will lead employees to stay and advance within the company. Stated in this way the argument fails to consider several key points, on the basis of which it could be evaluated properly. The conclusion relies on unsubstantied conclusions, for which no clear evidence is given. Hence, the argument is weak, unsubstantiated and has several flaws
First, the argument readily assumes that employees will stay in the company if creativity and resourcefulness are encouraged. Clearly, this could be a reason. However, many other possibilities should be explored. It could be the reason that one of the competitors is targeting Watchweek's employees by giving them a substantial salary increase together with better health benefits and flexibility. If that were the case, this change in management would not be sufficient to make them stay and their salaries and working conditions should be revised.
The argument could have been much clearer if explicitly stated which are the reasons why employees are leaving.
Second, the argument never mentions why few employees are being promoted to higher management positions. On the one hand, the author could be right in assuming that they are not promoting because they leave the company. On the other hand, it could be the case that employees are not advancing because there are not any open positions available for them. This would raise a new possibility for the reasons why employees are leaving: lack of future in the company. Furthermore, the author is not giving any solution for this advancement issue. If the argument had stated the reasons why employees are not being promoted and proposed specific solutions, it would have been a lot more convincing
Finally, the author assumes that Watchweek has the capacity to implement computer technologies. Again, this is a very weak and unsupported statement as the current company capabilities are not identified. Moreover, we know nothing about the capabilities of current employees. With digital transformation, it is common to need some re-skilling programs for the employees to be able to adapt to the new trends. Without the company and employee capabilities stated, one is left with the impression that this new technology approach is more of a wishful thinking than a supported methodology.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore inconclusive. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a specific solution, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing facts. In this particular case the author should have clearly stated why employees are leaving, why they are not promoted and why this new manager proposal will be useful for the company. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate