The “Space Race” of the 1960’s between the USA and Russia was very exp

Question

Hey Everyone, First post. I'm looking for some help with this essay, let me know what you think.

Thanks in advance.

Essay Question:

The following appeared in a science magazine:

“The “Space Race” of the 1960’s between the USA and Russia was very expensive but it yielded a tremendous number of technological advances. These advances have provided many economic and humanitarian benefits. The benefits have more than paid for the effort and money spent during the Space Race and therefore the government should make allowances within the budget to pay for a manned Mars landing by 2020.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
Your Response:

The argument claims that the "Space Race" between the Unites States and Russia generated tremendous technological advances which have more than paid for the spending. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that the space race is the only reason for a large number of the economic and humanitarian advancements during the time period. This statement is a stretch as it fails to account for the fact that the Cold War was also occurring at the same time, during which the United States was competing with Russia in every aspect. For example, the United States was working on designing superior military technology than the Russians, which included nuclear weapons, aircrafts, and other vehicles. Clearly, these advancements, specifically in vehicles and aircrafts have translated over to the private sector and now influence the way that these things are manufactured. This is completely separate from the space race, but it has been neglected. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated that the Space Race was instrumental in advancements in computer technology, coding, and software rather than the vague blanket statement which was made.
Second, the argument claims that the advancements provided by the space race have provided many economic and humanitarian benefits. This is again a vary weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between the supposed advancements and the space race. To illustrate, the author does not provide any any examples of such benefits, leading the reader to believe that the space race is responsible for a majority of them. This argument does not consider the circumstances at the time, during the Cold War, when tensions were high and the people were concerned every day that they may be attacked. The Space Race provided no remedy for this, instead making matters worse by competing with Russia at the time. While it could be argued that the technological advancements that were necessary to send aircrafts to space could have spilled over into the public sector and influenced technological advancements at the time, providing economic growth, this does not address the humanitarian aspect. In fact, it is not at all clear how the space race provided any humanitarian impact. If the argument had cited examples of the humanitarian impact of the space race, then the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, there is no evidence that the benefits have outweighed the costs. The author does not list the benefits of the space race, they do not inform the readers of the costs of the space race, and they do not inform the readers of the economic gain from the space race. Without convincing answers to some of these concerns, one is left with the impression that the claim is more wishful thinking that substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts regarding the space race, the benefits, and the costs involved. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. In this particular case, the author simply says there were benefits, but does not provide on information regarding these vague benefits. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

CAMANISHPARMAR · Answer

I am not an expert hence will not be able to grade your AWA. Just my personal opinion after going through your essay contains the essential ingredients, i.e. no. of paras, structural words etc to take you over the line.

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anirudh91 · Answer

Would make a good critique and pretty good information.

svelaga · Answer

Please rate my essay

This prompt makes the case that since the Space Race of the 1960s provided significant benefits on economic and humanaitarioan grounds, it more than paid of for the effort and money spent during this period. Therefore, government should be making allowances within its budget for a manned Mars landing by 2020. While this argument looks compelling at the face value, but a deeper investigation cites several flaws making this argument faulty.
Firstly the author assumes that the technological advances benefiting the economic and humantarian grounds during the period of 1960s, is diectly correlated with the technological development which resulted out of the Space Race between USA and Russia in the 1960s. To determine if these events are correlated, it is necessary to address the following questions: How did the advances in space technology provide economic and humanitarian benefits? Was the technology for eonomic and humanitarian help being developed and implemented independently ? Was economic and humanitarian progress important for the Space Race? However, even though these events of Space Race and advances in technology for economic and humatarain benefit were simultaneous, the author fails to draw a direct correlation between them without providing the answers to the questions.
Moving forward with a faulty assumption, the author assumes that since there had been tremendous benefits despite the huge expenses during the Space race, making allowances within the budget for a manned Mars landing by 2020 is justified as the benefits following it would be manifold. This assumption is flawed as an effect to a cause which occurred years back in 1960s might not produce the same results in 2020s. The expected effect can fail due to a variety of reasons such as changed economy, changes in technology needs and requirements of the citizens, difference in the technological requirements of manned Mars landing and so on. Had the first assumption been true and the society been unchanged since 1960s, there had been a higher probablity of the effect to happen as expected.
Therefore, the given prompt possess several logical fallacies and is unconvincing because of the above mentioned reasons. The argument can be strengthened further if the author provides the required information.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 4 out of 6

Coherence and Connectivity: 4
The essay exhibits moderate coherence and connectivity. It starts with a clear introduction and follows a structured format, discussing the flaws in the argument's logic. However, there is room for improvement in the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.

Word Structure: 4
The essay demonstrates good word structure, with a varied vocabulary and sentences that are generally well-constructed. However, there are some minor issues with sentence structure and word choice that could be refined for greater clarity and precision.

Paragraph Structure and Formation: 3.5
The essay maintains a basic paragraph structure, with each paragraph focused on a single point. However, the organization within paragraphs could be more effective, and some paragraphs are lengthy, making it harder to follow the argument. More concise and focused paragraphs would improve the overall structure.

Language and Grammar: 4
The essay generally uses correct language and grammar, but there are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need attention. Some sentences are overly complex and could benefit from simplification for better clarity.

Vocabulary and Word Expression: 4
The essay employs a reasonably diverse vocabulary and attempts to convey ideas effectively. However, there is room for improvement in word choice to enhance precision and fluency in expression.

Overall, the essay presents a critical analysis of the argument but could benefit from improved coherence, paragraph structure, and language refinement for greater clarity and effectiveness.

oiploiloi · Answer

Could someone rate my AWA please?

According to the argument, because the effort and money spent during the Space Race in the 1960's has yielded a lot of economic and humanitarian benefits, therefore the government should make allowances in the budget to pay for a manned Mars landing by 2020. This argument is flawed and based on a number of flimsy assumptions which can easily be disproved to show that paying for a Mars landing might not be the best use of the government's time or money.

First of all, the argument claims that the benefits of the space race have more than paid for the costs incurred. However, it does not provide any examples of the advancements that were yielded or any evidence or numbers to prove the point that these benefits have covered their costs. It also assumes that the technological advances made during the 1960's could not have been achieved, perhaps at a lower cost, in another way such as diverting more funding to research institutes and universities.

Secondly, the argument assumes that it is currently technologically possible to achieve a manned Mars landing by 2020. The unmanned Mars landings that mankind has achieved so far have taken an unprecedented amount of resources, technology and manpower to accomplish. Landing man on Mars is a significantly more difficult goal to reach. The timeline of 2020 presented in the argument is also so short that it might not actually be possible to send any spacecraft, manned or unmanned to Mars by that deadline, since the planets' orbits will have to sync up in a specific way to make the journey possible.

On another note, the argument also fails to take into account that the Space Race took place under a set of extremely different political circumstances. USA and Russia were very keen to spend a lot of resources to win this race within the context of the cold war that was taking place at the time. The current political climate is very different and both countries are no longer competing in a way that would make such a race feasible. The USA would end up bearing the entire economic brunt of a manned Mars landing, with little guarantee of success.

This argument could benefit from a few improvements to make it more robust and strengthen its conclusion. The author could start off by providing some evidence of the benefits the space race yielded, as well as the costs that were incurred. The author could also provide a more detailed plan of how a manned Mars landing could be achieved by the given timeline while taking current technology and planetary science into account.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5 out of 6

Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5/6

The essay exhibits strong coherence and connectivity overall. The writer effectively establishes a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph builds upon the previous one, and there is a clear progression of thoughts. Transitions between points are generally smooth, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Word Structure: 5/6

The word structure is sound, with varied sentence lengths and structures contributing to the essay's readability. However, there are a few instances where sentences could be more concise for greater clarity. Additionally, there is room for more precise word choices in certain places to enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.

Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6

The paragraph structure is well-formed, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The essay includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. However, there are a few places where the transition between paragraphs could be strengthened to create a more seamless flow.

Language and Grammar: 5/6

The language and grammar used in the essay are strong, with only minor errors. Sentences are grammatically correct, and the vocabulary is appropriate for an analytical essay. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be refined for improved clarity. Additionally, a more varied vocabulary could be employed to enhance the richness of expression.

Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5/6

The essay employs a generally strong vocabulary, and the writer demonstrates a good command of language. However, there is some repetition of words and phrases throughout the essay that could be addressed for greater lexical variety. Introducing a broader range of vocabulary would further enrich the expression of ideas.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively conveys the writer's analysis of the argument. Minor improvements in word choice and sentence structure could enhance its overall coherence and impact.

oiploiloi · Answer

Thank you so much Sajjad1994

The “Space Race” of the 1960’s between the USA and Russia was very exp

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