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GMATPREP SAMPLE ESSAY
Forgot to copy the prompt, but it's covered fairly well in the response.
I'm grateful to anyone who can spare a couple minutes to critique my response.
Please, by all means, tear it up! Thanks in advance!
In the preceding statement, the author argues that people have become less concerned about consuming red meat and fatty cheese over the last decade. The author supports this conclusion with two facts: a traditionally organic health food store is now selling meat and cheese, and a vegetarian restaurant owner is making significantly less profit than the owner of a steak house located across the street. While having its qualities, the argument has a number of serious flaws that serve to weaken its cogency. These include, heavy reliance on unsupported assumptions and a serious lack of relevant information.
First, the argument assumes that the health food store has not been selling meat and cheese since it first opened its doors. This casts doubt on the validity of the author's conclusion because the store's inventory only indicates a change in consumer preference if what the store is selling is actually changing in accordance with said change in preference. The argument would be significantly more convincing if it were shown that the store had only recently began stocking its shelves with unhealthy meats and cheeses or by demonstrating that these comprise an increasing proportion of the store's revenue.
Additionally, the argument relies on the assumption that the vegetarian restaurant has not always made a significantly smaller profit than the neighboring steak house. The change in consumers' level of concern regarding meat and cheese would be much clearer if the author had provided evidence or examples of "healthy" restaurants seeing dramatic losses over the last decade while at the same time steak houses and similar establishments were increasing their own profits.
Finally, how have the contrasts in profit margins and foot traffic changed during the given time period for these businesses? Furthermore, how does this relatively small sample set compare to a much broader range of restaurants and grocery stores? Without addressing these questions, and in doing so providing a proper context for the argument, the author leaves the impression that he or she is simply grasping at straws.
In conclusion, the argument is weak and unconvincing because it fails to support its claims and assumptions with clear examples or evidence. Granted the author does present what may be good indicators of a general trend. However, without addressing the aforementioned questions and providing all the relevant information, the author pushes the reader to make a series of leaps of faith, leaving the argument unsubstantiated and ultimately unconvincing.
Forgot to copy the prompt, but it's covered fairly well in the response.
I'm grateful to anyone who can spare a couple minutes to critique my response.
Please, by all means, tear it up! Thanks in advance!
In the preceding statement, the author argues that people have become less concerned about consuming red meat and fatty cheese over the last decade. The author supports this conclusion with two facts: a traditionally organic health food store is now selling meat and cheese, and a vegetarian restaurant owner is making significantly less profit than the owner of a steak house located across the street. While having its qualities, the argument has a number of serious flaws that serve to weaken its cogency. These include, heavy reliance on unsupported assumptions and a serious lack of relevant information.
First, the argument assumes that the health food store has not been selling meat and cheese since it first opened its doors. This casts doubt on the validity of the author's conclusion because the store's inventory only indicates a change in consumer preference if what the store is selling is actually changing in accordance with said change in preference. The argument would be significantly more convincing if it were shown that the store had only recently began stocking its shelves with unhealthy meats and cheeses or by demonstrating that these comprise an increasing proportion of the store's revenue.
Additionally, the argument relies on the assumption that the vegetarian restaurant has not always made a significantly smaller profit than the neighboring steak house. The change in consumers' level of concern regarding meat and cheese would be much clearer if the author had provided evidence or examples of "healthy" restaurants seeing dramatic losses over the last decade while at the same time steak houses and similar establishments were increasing their own profits.
Finally, how have the contrasts in profit margins and foot traffic changed during the given time period for these businesses? Furthermore, how does this relatively small sample set compare to a much broader range of restaurants and grocery stores? Without addressing these questions, and in doing so providing a proper context for the argument, the author leaves the impression that he or she is simply grasping at straws.
In conclusion, the argument is weak and unconvincing because it fails to support its claims and assumptions with clear examples or evidence. Granted the author does present what may be good indicators of a general trend. However, without addressing the aforementioned questions and providing all the relevant information, the author pushes the reader to make a series of leaps of faith, leaving the argument unsubstantiated and ultimately unconvincing.
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