Hey - I am probably too late to respond, but I'm guessing more people in future will have this issue - so posting my response to the same essay topic which was rated as 6 across all the criteria:
Total Score 6
Analyzes the issue 6
Supports ideas 6
Organizes a coherent idea 6
Language control 6
* One caveat - I got bored while writing the essay, and knew that in the real exam I would do a thorough job, but you'll see I repeated a sentence at the end + some of my paragraphs are actually not fully thought out. I still got a 6 in all which supports my original assumption that one basically has to 1) Write as well as you can, 2) Use words the GMAT software is looking for like 'flaw', 'strengthen', etc
Lastly, notice I had a spelling error at the end (wrote "never quit", I meant "never quite"). A human examiner would have caught that.
OK here's the essay response:
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The Excelsior Company (henceforth, "Excelsior") is planning to introduce a new brand of coffee based on the strategy employed by another company, Superior, which entered the market through a temporary sales promotion. Excelsior's plan to enter the coffee market is simplistic at best, and relies upon a number of questionable, unmerited assumptions. As a result of these questionable assumptions, Excelsior's plan appears to be fundamentally flawed. This essay will seek to analyze the areas where the argument appears flawed, and suggest measures to strengthen the overall market entry assessment and plan.
Firstly, we're unsure that this strategy worked for Superior. It is unclear whether this was analyzed as it simply states that these were the actions of Excelsior rather than go into its success or failure. Further, even if it achieved a degree of success, there may be some initiatives that were less fruitful - e.g. perhaps free samples worked, but discount coupons did not and ended up eroding sales while not promoting any sort of brand loyalty.
Secondly, the strategy outlined is too simplistic. It is based upon a successful strategy that has previously worked but it does not take into account areas like market dynamics, the product itself, or the target market. The overall pictures must be considered before setting on a strategy. For instance, the market could not very well be satured with no space for an additional low price player to form a profitable business - the business at best may be a loss-leader with the intention of increasing the Excelsior brand name.
Thirdly, there is no business case discussion. Prior to market entry in any given industry or even product line, companies must ideally undergo a full business case assessment to determine whether this business is ultimately viable and worth entering into. While the initial focus may not be on it, profitability must also play a key role in determining the merits of this decision. It appears, however, that Excelsior has not done any sort of business case analysis and is relying entirely upon the actions of a competitor - actions which, as discussed, have not even been fully reasoned as to whether they led to success for the company.
To bolster and buttress the argument, the author must be fully cognizant of the market size, taste preferences, consumer types, etc. It appears, however, that Excelsior has not done any sort of business case analysis and is relying entirely upon the actions of a competitor - actions which, as discussed, have not even been fully reasoned as to whether they led to success for the company.
In conclusion, the argument is currently too simplistic to ensure success for Excelsior. In fact, it is more likely to lead to a failure as a thorough analysis has as yet not been conducted and the operations are being planned essentially on a 'leap of faith' - never quit the modus operandi of a successful, thriving business.