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30 Apr 2018, 15:32
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The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:
“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.
My essay
The author of a recent newspaper editorial on Nova High School concludes that the school board should utilize a big chunk of its available funds to buy more computers in order to increase the use of interactive computer learning. The author also suggests that other schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction in their curriculum. The author’s conclusion is based on two observations: (1) a decline in Nova High School’s dropout rate since the introduction of interactive computer instructions in three academic subjects, and (2) impressive achievements in college by outgoing batch of Nova High School. The author’s observations, while attempting to establish causation between interactive computer learning and decreasing in drop-out rate, ignores crucial factors that seriously weaken his argument.
To begin with, the author fails to establish a causal connection between the adoption of interactive computer-based learning by Nova High School and decline in school’s drop-out rates. The mere fact that a falling drop-out rate coincides with introduction of an alternate learning technique is insufficient to conclude that introduction of computer-based learning in just three subjects caused the decline in overall drop-out rates of the school. Without compelling evidence to support the causal connection between these two events, the author’s recommendations are not worthy of consideration.
Furthermore, the author does not investigate other factors which could be responsible for the school’s alumni impressive performance in college. Perhaps, the classroom training methods employed by the college’s faculty or plethora of excellent learning resources which are available to students in college could be responsible for students’ impressive performance. Or, the strong foundations and capabilities of the alumni may be underestimated by the author. In order to establish a causal relation between these events it would be necessary to evaluate the performance of other students in the college who have not obtained interactive computer based learning in their respective schools. In any case, it is highly questionable whether the correlation provided by the author is sufficient to establish the general claim in question.
Lastly, by stating that the school’s future budgets should be largely used to buy more computers the author discounts the possibility that by diverting large funds to buy computer the school might exhaust funds for other critical expenses such as staff salaries, infrastructure maintenance and power. Also, the author’s oversimplified suggestion that other schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction for their entire curriculum makes little sense unless the author outlines benefits of such an action and provides a link between interactive computer interaction in the three subjects and interactive computer education for entire curriculum.
In conclusion, the author’s recommendation that interactive computer instruction should not only receive large portion of the school’s future budget but also should extend to the entire curriculum looks oversimplified. To strengthen the argument, the author must show evidence which shows that (1) interactive computer interaction in three subjects at Nova High School is the only factor responsible for the decline in school’s drop-out rates and impressive performance of their alumni in college, and (2) adoption of interactive computer instruction for the entire curriculum by every school in the district will be beneficial to students.
“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.
My essay
The author of a recent newspaper editorial on Nova High School concludes that the school board should utilize a big chunk of its available funds to buy more computers in order to increase the use of interactive computer learning. The author also suggests that other schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction in their curriculum. The author’s conclusion is based on two observations: (1) a decline in Nova High School’s dropout rate since the introduction of interactive computer instructions in three academic subjects, and (2) impressive achievements in college by outgoing batch of Nova High School. The author’s observations, while attempting to establish causation between interactive computer learning and decreasing in drop-out rate, ignores crucial factors that seriously weaken his argument.
To begin with, the author fails to establish a causal connection between the adoption of interactive computer-based learning by Nova High School and decline in school’s drop-out rates. The mere fact that a falling drop-out rate coincides with introduction of an alternate learning technique is insufficient to conclude that introduction of computer-based learning in just three subjects caused the decline in overall drop-out rates of the school. Without compelling evidence to support the causal connection between these two events, the author’s recommendations are not worthy of consideration.
Furthermore, the author does not investigate other factors which could be responsible for the school’s alumni impressive performance in college. Perhaps, the classroom training methods employed by the college’s faculty or plethora of excellent learning resources which are available to students in college could be responsible for students’ impressive performance. Or, the strong foundations and capabilities of the alumni may be underestimated by the author. In order to establish a causal relation between these events it would be necessary to evaluate the performance of other students in the college who have not obtained interactive computer based learning in their respective schools. In any case, it is highly questionable whether the correlation provided by the author is sufficient to establish the general claim in question.
Lastly, by stating that the school’s future budgets should be largely used to buy more computers the author discounts the possibility that by diverting large funds to buy computer the school might exhaust funds for other critical expenses such as staff salaries, infrastructure maintenance and power. Also, the author’s oversimplified suggestion that other schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction for their entire curriculum makes little sense unless the author outlines benefits of such an action and provides a link between interactive computer interaction in the three subjects and interactive computer education for entire curriculum.
In conclusion, the author’s recommendation that interactive computer instruction should not only receive large portion of the school’s future budget but also should extend to the entire curriculum looks oversimplified. To strengthen the argument, the author must show evidence which shows that (1) interactive computer interaction in three subjects at Nova High School is the only factor responsible for the decline in school’s drop-out rates and impressive performance of their alumni in college, and (2) adoption of interactive computer instruction for the entire curriculum by every school in the district will be beneficial to students.
09 May 2018, 00:02
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Hey PoetVogon
All in all, this is a very good essay, probably a 5. It's sufficiently long (over 500 words), well structure (opening paragraph, 3 critical paragraphs, summary) and well written. Most importantly, it goes right to the heart of the matter, casting doubt on whether the correlation observed indeed implies causation, as assumed.
Small comments: 1) the first critical paragraph would be bolstered by an alternative explanation or example (as you do well in the next paragraph). You are correct to say that the correlation is insufficient to determine causation, but should back this up by pointing out an alternate reason to explain the correlation: an opposite causation (the computer instruction was introduced because the student cohort was very strong and it was thought they could handle it), a common cause (the computer instruction was introduced as part of a larger educational overhaul of the curriculum, which benefited students), and so on.
2) the first and second criticisms are really quite similar (the distinction between the reason for their declining dropout rates and success in college seems artificial). It would be better to have combined them, keep the third criticism (which is really quite different), and add another criticism, or alternately - devote a paragraph to dealing with counter arguments..
All in all, this is a very good essay, probably a 5. It's sufficiently long (over 500 words), well structure (opening paragraph, 3 critical paragraphs, summary) and well written. Most importantly, it goes right to the heart of the matter, casting doubt on whether the correlation observed indeed implies causation, as assumed.
Small comments: 1) the first critical paragraph would be bolstered by an alternative explanation or example (as you do well in the next paragraph). You are correct to say that the correlation is insufficient to determine causation, but should back this up by pointing out an alternate reason to explain the correlation: an opposite causation (the computer instruction was introduced because the student cohort was very strong and it was thought they could handle it), a common cause (the computer instruction was introduced as part of a larger educational overhaul of the curriculum, which benefited students), and so on.
2) the first and second criticisms are really quite similar (the distinction between the reason for their declining dropout rates and success in college seems artificial). It would be better to have combined them, keep the third criticism (which is really quite different), and add another criticism, or alternately - devote a paragraph to dealing with counter arguments..
