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Jonnyochoa
Joined: 03 Jun 2019
Last visit: 27 Aug 2019
Posts: 1
Given Kudos: 2
Location: United States (CA)
Schools: UC Davis PT '21
GPA: 3.2
WE:General Management (Hospitality and Tourism)
10 Jun 2019, 17:19
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Just started studying and have a very basic understanding of AWA. I have read a few chapters but nothing crazy. Similar to taking my Verbal and Quant at the beginning to get a feel for my starting point, I was hoping to receive some feedback for my AWA. This was timed, in 30 minutes and there are many grammatical errors and typos but I wanted to get a raw score from this forum.. Thanks!!!
“In a recent city wide pole, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual art programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television”
In the memorandum issued by a large city’s council, they requested that some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television. This argument is substantially flawed. The argument presents inconclusive numerical data, an incorrect correlation and from this draws an unreasonably far-reaching conclusion.
A case study was brought up stating “15% more residents said they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted 5 years ago.” Without specific numbers to back up the increase, 15% of 100 people over 5 years would only be a 15 person increase which is not a high enough jump to warrant more funds being allocated. Also the memorandum states that most pf the visual arts programs appear on television. Agaian without a numerical value associated with with, there could be 51 visual arts programs on television and 50 visual arts programs at the local museum. If the memorandum would have stated and 80% difference between television and in person visual art programs that would have been sufficient for it s claim.
The memorandum also claims that if television funding was to be cut, then attendance at local art museums will start to decrease. This is assuming that visual arts programs on Television and in person at museums have a direct correlation. If one decrease the other will decrease as well. Without any information to support this claim, it is inssifficent and cannot be justified in this argument. Lastly, the memorandum does not giove specifics on how much of a budget cut would affect the public television. If the budget cuts are only 3% of a mere $3000 then a $90 cut by corporate funding should not make a significant impact on the programs. The memoradium also does not address what would happen if more funds would be allocated to in person visual arts programs that could increase museum attendance.
Because the argument leaves out several key values and information, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the key points discussed above in more detail, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
“In a recent city wide pole, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual art programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television”
In the memorandum issued by a large city’s council, they requested that some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television. This argument is substantially flawed. The argument presents inconclusive numerical data, an incorrect correlation and from this draws an unreasonably far-reaching conclusion.
A case study was brought up stating “15% more residents said they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted 5 years ago.” Without specific numbers to back up the increase, 15% of 100 people over 5 years would only be a 15 person increase which is not a high enough jump to warrant more funds being allocated. Also the memorandum states that most pf the visual arts programs appear on television. Agaian without a numerical value associated with with, there could be 51 visual arts programs on television and 50 visual arts programs at the local museum. If the memorandum would have stated and 80% difference between television and in person visual art programs that would have been sufficient for it s claim.
The memorandum also claims that if television funding was to be cut, then attendance at local art museums will start to decrease. This is assuming that visual arts programs on Television and in person at museums have a direct correlation. If one decrease the other will decrease as well. Without any information to support this claim, it is inssifficent and cannot be justified in this argument. Lastly, the memorandum does not giove specifics on how much of a budget cut would affect the public television. If the budget cuts are only 3% of a mere $3000 then a $90 cut by corporate funding should not make a significant impact on the programs. The memoradium also does not address what would happen if more funds would be allocated to in person visual arts programs that could increase museum attendance.
Because the argument leaves out several key values and information, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the key points discussed above in more detail, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
12 Jun 2019, 12:02
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I do not want to sound difficult but you need to work on the AWA section. As written, the essay has several errors. Please make sure to copyedit your essay for a minimum of 2 min, to avoid a few grammar errors AWA section is the easiest; do not sweat it out. All the best.
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Please visit this gold standard post:https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html
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