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20 Dec 2020, 01:09
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Attached is my essay. Also, drop your email if you're looking for an AWA study buddy to grade-exchange 5-6 essays with.
Prompt
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial: “Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
(From official AWA doc, page 4, prompt 1
Essay
The prompt introduces the use of Interactive Computer Interaction (referred to as ICI throughout the rest of this essay) as a newly introduced method of instruction at Nova High School that has supposedly elevated the outcomes and quality of education experienced by graduating students. Despite the presented arguments, however, the argument is severely flawed due to its lack of attention on how the ICI was actually implemented at the school, ignorance of other preconditions that may have contributed to graduating students’ success and conclusion that the in funding and usage of the ICI would greatly benefit future graduating students.
First, the premise from which the argument is launched upon is the usage of ICI at the school, which was briefly described in the argument’s first sentence as having spanned 2 years and across 3 subjects. Beyond that, the reader is left to speculate about the number of students that actually had access to these systems, and the quality of said access the students actually had. For example, do most students, even if they were enrolled in the school the past two years and had also been enrolled in all three courses within the same period of time, get at least an hour or two of ICI a week? Or do most students end up sharing ICI devices between themselves, leading to an average usage of 30 minutes at most, every two weeks? Realizing that this method of instruction is relatively new, it is not hard to imagine the latter being the case. Moreoever, did the students most prone to have dropped out otherwise, or who are now successful in college, even get significant access to the ICI systems while enrolled at the school? These questions would’ve been answered had the author included some statistics with regards to the actual penetration and usage of ICI systems at the school, and even bette if these statistics were directly linked to the subjects of the example referred to in the following lines.
Secondly, the author fails to also discuss other preconditions of the students that may have led students to be less inclined to drop out of the school, or succeed upon entering college. For the former, it is easy to imagine how a combination of a better economy, better teachers at the school and a burgeouning study group community could have also easily contributed to students being better equipped to become more engaged in school, and thus less likely to drop out. For the latted, factors such as better college prep tutoring, greater availability of extracurricular activities and a less competitive selection of colleges could have also contributed to the success of the students in their pursuit for higher education. Thus, drawing from the aforementioned argument regarding these students’ actual usage of ICI, and the other preconditions described here, there is definitely a plethora of reasons as to why these students might not be the prime example of how ICI could better student outcomes.
Finally, the author’s conclusion to increase funding in hopes of generating the same outcomes moving forward, not just at Nova High School, but throughout the entire district as well, is also a tenuous at best, as the author assumes that the same type of engagement with ICI could be replicated across time, and across different districts. There is nothing guaranteeing that adoption could be sustained in quantity and quality moving forward, and there is certainly no telling if the implementation of ICI is even scalable to the extent that the author suggests. Furthermore, the author suggests that the funding should go towards just “buy more computers.” Taking this as the intention of wanting to buy more computers for Nova High School, the author leaves out the fact that the ICI is itself a software, which probably also needs to be purchased for an additional amount of money. And thus it’s can’t be ignored when thinking about the investment fee of scaling up the ICI program in the future.
All in all, the author’s failure to delve into the quality of ICI utilization, other factors surrounding the school’s academically successful students and details of how funding for a broader implementation of ICI would be carried out all render the author’s argument weak.
Prompt
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial: “Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
(From official AWA doc, page 4, prompt 1
Essay
The prompt introduces the use of Interactive Computer Interaction (referred to as ICI throughout the rest of this essay) as a newly introduced method of instruction at Nova High School that has supposedly elevated the outcomes and quality of education experienced by graduating students. Despite the presented arguments, however, the argument is severely flawed due to its lack of attention on how the ICI was actually implemented at the school, ignorance of other preconditions that may have contributed to graduating students’ success and conclusion that the in funding and usage of the ICI would greatly benefit future graduating students.
First, the premise from which the argument is launched upon is the usage of ICI at the school, which was briefly described in the argument’s first sentence as having spanned 2 years and across 3 subjects. Beyond that, the reader is left to speculate about the number of students that actually had access to these systems, and the quality of said access the students actually had. For example, do most students, even if they were enrolled in the school the past two years and had also been enrolled in all three courses within the same period of time, get at least an hour or two of ICI a week? Or do most students end up sharing ICI devices between themselves, leading to an average usage of 30 minutes at most, every two weeks? Realizing that this method of instruction is relatively new, it is not hard to imagine the latter being the case. Moreoever, did the students most prone to have dropped out otherwise, or who are now successful in college, even get significant access to the ICI systems while enrolled at the school? These questions would’ve been answered had the author included some statistics with regards to the actual penetration and usage of ICI systems at the school, and even bette if these statistics were directly linked to the subjects of the example referred to in the following lines.
Secondly, the author fails to also discuss other preconditions of the students that may have led students to be less inclined to drop out of the school, or succeed upon entering college. For the former, it is easy to imagine how a combination of a better economy, better teachers at the school and a burgeouning study group community could have also easily contributed to students being better equipped to become more engaged in school, and thus less likely to drop out. For the latted, factors such as better college prep tutoring, greater availability of extracurricular activities and a less competitive selection of colleges could have also contributed to the success of the students in their pursuit for higher education. Thus, drawing from the aforementioned argument regarding these students’ actual usage of ICI, and the other preconditions described here, there is definitely a plethora of reasons as to why these students might not be the prime example of how ICI could better student outcomes.
Finally, the author’s conclusion to increase funding in hopes of generating the same outcomes moving forward, not just at Nova High School, but throughout the entire district as well, is also a tenuous at best, as the author assumes that the same type of engagement with ICI could be replicated across time, and across different districts. There is nothing guaranteeing that adoption could be sustained in quantity and quality moving forward, and there is certainly no telling if the implementation of ICI is even scalable to the extent that the author suggests. Furthermore, the author suggests that the funding should go towards just “buy more computers.” Taking this as the intention of wanting to buy more computers for Nova High School, the author leaves out the fact that the ICI is itself a software, which probably also needs to be purchased for an additional amount of money. And thus it’s can’t be ignored when thinking about the investment fee of scaling up the ICI program in the future.
All in all, the author’s failure to delve into the quality of ICI utilization, other factors surrounding the school’s academically successful students and details of how funding for a broader implementation of ICI would be carried out all render the author’s argument weak.
23 Dec 2020, 18:46
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nsumarta1229 - Your AWA attempt is quite good, and such an essay will fetch you a score above 5 on the real-GMAT. Please focus on proofreading your work for a good 2-3 minutes so that you can refine your writing by eliminating the obvious grammar errors. I personally love both the structure and size of the passage; please make sure you have enough time to write such a long passage in less than 30 min. All the best.
