Please take some time and let me know how my essay looks for AWA section of the GMAT. Please be open to point out my mistakes and any suggestions/tips are welcome.
Thanks in advance.
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:
“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The argument presents a case where the viewership of the TV programs about visual arts has increased over the duration of 5 years. Parallel to this, there is an increase in the visitor count to the art museums as well. While stating these 2, the argument establishes a non-evident relationship between viewers of visual arts programs on TV and the visitors of the art museums which could be 2 very distinct audiences. It also suggests redirecting some of the funds to support public television. The relationship that the argument tries to establish is weak on the grounds that these 2 arts while seeming similar have very different audiences also the factor that caused the increase in viewers and visitors over 5 years is not mentioned hence making the argument week.
The first line of the argument states that there was an increase of 15% in viewership of programs about visual arts, while nowhere in the argument it mentioned the cause of the increase. Which is why only capital investment cannot be the reason for the popularity, there could be a new show that might have attracted enough popularity making the genre famous. While cost-cutting could lead to a decrease in the viewership but, it could be also a step to optimize the capital investment and balancing the price per view ratio to increase profits. If this stood true then the viewership is less likely to go anywhere.
The argument tries to establish a relation between the increased popularity of T.V. shows about visual arts and visitors of art museums. Art being the common element in both does not stress enough that people who are watching something on T.V. would also spend time physically going for a similar experience. For example, people who watch cricket matches on T.V. don't necessarily like going to the stadiums and that could also be due to the higher prices of food or tickets at the stadium. Making the relationship weak to lay grounds for redirecting funds.
The idea to reallocate funds to support public television does not specify the genre of shows to invest, this could mean investing in shows that are about everything but visual arts making the entire conclusion of the argument very much out of focus.
The argument tries to establish a relationship between the 2 kinds of art enthusiasts and makes a case to invest in T.V. shows it fails on the points mentioned above, making the argument weak and proves that the argument lacks facts to prove what it states.