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02 Mar 2021, 04:53
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Looking for advice/critique of my essay! Thank you!
The following appeared in a newspaper editorial: “As violence in movies increases, so do crime rates in our cities. To combat this problem we must establish a board to censor certain movies, or we must limit admission to persons over 21 years of age. Apparently our legislators are not concerned about this issue since a bill calling for such actions recently failed to receive a majority vote.” Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
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This clip from the newspaper editorial claims that violence in movies is leading to increased crime rates in the cities and action should be taken to censor and limit admission to movies. This argument is poorly reasoned as it incorrectly implements correlation as causation, provides no reasoning for the course of action, and makes wrongful assumptions.
For starters, this passage takes a noticeable correlation and implies causation. The article infers that the rising crime rates in the cities are due to the increase of violence in movies. However, the movies are not necessarily the cause of the violent crimes. There can be so many other factors that influence crime rates that were not mentioned in the article. For example, if violent video games are quickly increasing in popularity, this could be causing the increased crime rates more directly than the increase of violence in movies. As such, to improve this argument, the author should include more reasoning as to why the violent movies are the sole cause of the increased crime rates in the cities.
Next, the argument does not explain why the course of action listed is the best one. While these steps to censor movies and limit admission may be helpful, they could also be entirely unnecessary depending on the situation. For example, if adults over the age of 21 are largely contributing to the increase in crime rates, limiting movie admission to those over 21 would not resolve the issue and may even worsen it. To strengthen the argument, it is essential that the author provides more context around what is causing the violence and why these steps will directly mitigate it.
Finally, this argument makes wrongful assumptions. The excerpt assumes that since the actions proposed did not receive a majority vote, that the legislators do not care. However, there could be many other reasons why the actions did not get voted in. For one, if the legislators learned that something else was causing the crimes besides violent movies, they would find that these steps are unnecessary and there is no reason to vote them in. Additionally, the argument makes it seem like since the actions did not get a majority vote that there are a lot of legislators who voted strongly against it. Just because the actions did not receive a majority vote doesn’t mean they still did not receive a lot of votes, it could be that some voters were still undecided and could not vote it in at this time. Therefore, these assumptions make the argument entirely misleading and more context and information would allow us to better understand it’s validity.
In conclusion, this newspaper excerpt is unreasonable as it incorrectly implements correlation as causation, provides no reasoning for the course of action, and makes wrongful assumptions. With more definitive information on the cause of the increased crime rate, rationale for the proposed course of action, and reasoning for the actions not getting a majority vote, this argument could be greatly enhanced.
The following appeared in a newspaper editorial: “As violence in movies increases, so do crime rates in our cities. To combat this problem we must establish a board to censor certain movies, or we must limit admission to persons over 21 years of age. Apparently our legislators are not concerned about this issue since a bill calling for such actions recently failed to receive a majority vote.” Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
---
This clip from the newspaper editorial claims that violence in movies is leading to increased crime rates in the cities and action should be taken to censor and limit admission to movies. This argument is poorly reasoned as it incorrectly implements correlation as causation, provides no reasoning for the course of action, and makes wrongful assumptions.
For starters, this passage takes a noticeable correlation and implies causation. The article infers that the rising crime rates in the cities are due to the increase of violence in movies. However, the movies are not necessarily the cause of the violent crimes. There can be so many other factors that influence crime rates that were not mentioned in the article. For example, if violent video games are quickly increasing in popularity, this could be causing the increased crime rates more directly than the increase of violence in movies. As such, to improve this argument, the author should include more reasoning as to why the violent movies are the sole cause of the increased crime rates in the cities.
Next, the argument does not explain why the course of action listed is the best one. While these steps to censor movies and limit admission may be helpful, they could also be entirely unnecessary depending on the situation. For example, if adults over the age of 21 are largely contributing to the increase in crime rates, limiting movie admission to those over 21 would not resolve the issue and may even worsen it. To strengthen the argument, it is essential that the author provides more context around what is causing the violence and why these steps will directly mitigate it.
Finally, this argument makes wrongful assumptions. The excerpt assumes that since the actions proposed did not receive a majority vote, that the legislators do not care. However, there could be many other reasons why the actions did not get voted in. For one, if the legislators learned that something else was causing the crimes besides violent movies, they would find that these steps are unnecessary and there is no reason to vote them in. Additionally, the argument makes it seem like since the actions did not get a majority vote that there are a lot of legislators who voted strongly against it. Just because the actions did not receive a majority vote doesn’t mean they still did not receive a lot of votes, it could be that some voters were still undecided and could not vote it in at this time. Therefore, these assumptions make the argument entirely misleading and more context and information would allow us to better understand it’s validity.
In conclusion, this newspaper excerpt is unreasonable as it incorrectly implements correlation as causation, provides no reasoning for the course of action, and makes wrongful assumptions. With more definitive information on the cause of the increased crime rate, rationale for the proposed course of action, and reasoning for the actions not getting a majority vote, this argument could be greatly enhanced.
02 Mar 2021, 13:43
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Moderator Edit:
AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay and it scored it at 5 out of 6![/b]
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay and it scored it at 5 out of 6![/b]
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Moderator:
