Forced obsolescence is a strategy that manufacturers use to limit the

Question

Hey guys, I need some tips on may AWA, its source is Barron's GMAT 15th edition
This is the first topic I found where I have to pick a side rather than disapproving the author

Forced obsolescence is a strategy that manufacturers use to limit the useful life of some consumer
products in order to increase sales. Some commentators complain that this practice results in a waste
of resources. What they do not understand is that by shortening the life cycle of products, manufacturers
are able to both improve them and lower the cost to the consumer.

Which do you find more convincing: that forced obsolescence wastes resources or that it benefits
consumers? State your position using relevant reasons from your own experience, observation,
or reading.
____________________________________________________________________________
 In this argument, the author critisizes the complaints against forced obsolescence being a waste of resources. In his conclusion he approves shortening the lifecycle of products in exchange for cheaper and improved products. While this argument seems somewhat convincing, it fails to mention several key concerns, on the basis of which it could be evalualted. The conclusion is a mere unsupported biased interpretation lacking decisive evidences and contains several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that generating employement justifies forced obsolescence stratergies at the cost of the enivronnement. This statement is a stretch as jobs can be created while reducing waste. In fact, if we throw away less, we would have to repair more, thus generating more local jobs. In France for example, ever since planned obsolescence became illegal, thousands of unemployed people found jobs in local firms, imports reduced by 10% and toxic waste was reduced by over 50 million tons.

Moreover, the claim that consumers will favor a product for its price rather than longevity is a dilemma. To illustrate the optimal budget plan for consumers, a comparaison has to be made between the price and the lifespan while taking into consideration the maintenance costs and utility for for each retailed product.

In conclusion, while at first it may seem to make some financial sense for both the consumer and the manufacturer to favorize forced obsolescence, I am more persuaded by the commentators point of view. The argument would to be strengthen if the authord considers stating relevant factors beyond the reduce price and generating employement before concluding that forced obsolescence needs should remain for good as well as providence evidence that this policy would benefit the economy and remain relatively viable over the next decades.

bb · Answer

Thanks for your post and thanks for using the proper subject line!

Using the unofficial AWA grader GMATAWA, here is what I have:

AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay. I think some of your long introduction has confused the essay grader since your "Firstly appeared only in the third paragraph". I tried deleting your first 2 paragraphs and that bumped the score up to 4.5 though it bumped the cohesion score down to 3.5. In any case, it proves that MORE is not always BETTER

Coherence and connectivity: 2.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template!
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html

Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template! https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html

Forced obsolescence is a strategy that manufacturers use to limit the

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