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15 Aug 2021, 20:32
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Please evaluate my essay
Q: Prompt: “In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
Essay Format
The author debates that people are becoming less concerned of the health as compared to a decade ago in respect of intake of red meat, fat and cheese. This is attributed to the examples presented by the author that veggies shop also includes sale of butter and fat. The author has also tried to corroborate his standpoint by comparing that meat shop owners are rich as compared to the old vegetable shop across streets. The fact presented by the author is really naive as it is a cursory view in this regard. Presented in such a way, the author has failed to acknowledge various points which if analysed would have call in question for the validity of the argument.
First, the author is in the belief that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating the intake of meat and cheese. This is totally wrong. According to the all leading magazines and as Harvard Medical school data, today’s generation is far more health conscious as ever compared. They have cited that we are very cautious of the intake of calorie, quality as well as quantity wise. People have decreased consumption of meat, cheese, butter, fats, starch foods, synthetic foods, white flours etc which can have a negative impact on health. Stated in such a way, the argument is devoid of the fact and the author have presented a wrong assumption to its readers.
Second, the author has strengthened his position by suggesting that the organic store Heart’s Delight is also selling butter and cheese. Here the author has again failed to recognise that people have lessened their consumption but not stopped it holistically. Still there are many people who have a far better health and metabolic system which help them to digest the same. Also children like these foods which can really enhance their taste buds. So consumption is one side, while the other part is that people exercise more than they used to do earlier. So this consumption can be melted out subsequently by burning calories of body, which is vital for muscle development. Again the way that author has tried to distort the fact is really childish approach and needs to present better facts.
Third, the author has also tried to convince readers by comparing the modest life of a local vegetable shop owner to rich life of a beef shop owner across street. This is again an illogical comparison. According to the recent survey conducted by Mayo Clinic people are turning towards vegetarian and vegan diets. People are giving higher preference to life than to flavour. Also meat is third most source of producing global warming which people are recognising worldwide and taking step in this regard. So presented in such a way, is really a question to the wits of the author.
In conclusion, the argument remains flawed for the reasons cited above. The author needed to assimilate the facts and derive proper conclusion instead of jumping on judgement. Unless the matter would have been presented in a more judicious manner, any decision would be naive and the topic remains open for debate.
Q: Prompt: “In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
Essay Format
The author debates that people are becoming less concerned of the health as compared to a decade ago in respect of intake of red meat, fat and cheese. This is attributed to the examples presented by the author that veggies shop also includes sale of butter and fat. The author has also tried to corroborate his standpoint by comparing that meat shop owners are rich as compared to the old vegetable shop across streets. The fact presented by the author is really naive as it is a cursory view in this regard. Presented in such a way, the author has failed to acknowledge various points which if analysed would have call in question for the validity of the argument.
First, the author is in the belief that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating the intake of meat and cheese. This is totally wrong. According to the all leading magazines and as Harvard Medical school data, today’s generation is far more health conscious as ever compared. They have cited that we are very cautious of the intake of calorie, quality as well as quantity wise. People have decreased consumption of meat, cheese, butter, fats, starch foods, synthetic foods, white flours etc which can have a negative impact on health. Stated in such a way, the argument is devoid of the fact and the author have presented a wrong assumption to its readers.
Second, the author has strengthened his position by suggesting that the organic store Heart’s Delight is also selling butter and cheese. Here the author has again failed to recognise that people have lessened their consumption but not stopped it holistically. Still there are many people who have a far better health and metabolic system which help them to digest the same. Also children like these foods which can really enhance their taste buds. So consumption is one side, while the other part is that people exercise more than they used to do earlier. So this consumption can be melted out subsequently by burning calories of body, which is vital for muscle development. Again the way that author has tried to distort the fact is really childish approach and needs to present better facts.
Third, the author has also tried to convince readers by comparing the modest life of a local vegetable shop owner to rich life of a beef shop owner across street. This is again an illogical comparison. According to the recent survey conducted by Mayo Clinic people are turning towards vegetarian and vegan diets. People are giving higher preference to life than to flavour. Also meat is third most source of producing global warming which people are recognising worldwide and taking step in this regard. So presented in such a way, is really a question to the wits of the author.
In conclusion, the argument remains flawed for the reasons cited above. The author needed to assimilate the facts and derive proper conclusion instead of jumping on judgement. Unless the matter would have been presented in a more judicious manner, any decision would be naive and the topic remains open for debate.
16 Aug 2021, 07:44
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AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Follow the AWA forum rules: https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Good Luck
pkbiet
21 Oct 2023, 22:44
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The article states that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. The author arrives at this conclusion based on different parameters from a store and couple of restaurants in the same street - Heart's Delight, Good Earth Cafe and House of Beef. Author states that Heart's Delight also sells fatty cheeses nowadays and the owners of Good Earth Cafe are making a modest living while owners of recently opened House of Beef have become millionares. The author's line of reasoning is faulty and the discrete facts need not necessarily point to the conclusion the author is trying to make.
Firstly, he has taken specific examples in order to come up with a generalization about the society's people as a whole. There is a possibility that this one street is an exception to that society. There is no evidence or strong data points to comment on the average trends of the place we are speaking about. Further, the examples we are talking about are varied - one is about a store while the rest 2 are about restaurants. People go to these places for different purposes. People go to a store to pick up groceries so as to cook at home, which is an everyday event whereas going to restaurants is a luxury and not as regular as the former.
Secondly, the author assumes that only those who consume vegetarian meals are concerned about their health. Author fails to recognize and explore what does red meat and fatty cheeses offer that vegetarian meals can not. Instead he is critical of those who don't monitor their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. There is no supporting evidence to state that consuming these foods detoriates health and thus people should be concerned and therefore monitor their intake of these foods. Further, the author wrongly infers that Heart's Delight selling wide selection of cheeses is indicative that people are not concerned about their health. The Heart's Delight did not step selling organic fruits and vegetables - from where the store started. It has just expanded its product catalogue over the years to include cheeses ALSO as stated in the passage.
Finally, the author terribly correlates way of living with the prosperity of a person. The fact that owners of Good Earth Cafe are living in a modest way does not necessarily imply that they are not making good money. It is an old vegetarian restaurant, meaning its been around since a long time thus probably a legacy one. Further, the author gives some sense of ballpark figure as "millionaires" when talking about House of Beef but fails to mention such numbers for their counterparts - vegetarian restaurants. In such a scenario, it does not make much sense to draw comparisons using just a few descriptive words.
While we have discussed above on how a particular street's description is not enough to state that people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses, in order to make a generalization of the people of the city/state/country, author has to include more appropriate data points and fill the gaps in the reasoning. Therefore, this argument lacks deep introspection and wrongly generalizes people based on specific examples.
----------------END OF ESSAY
hey Sajjad1994 ! please evaluate this if you get time. TIA!
Firstly, he has taken specific examples in order to come up with a generalization about the society's people as a whole. There is a possibility that this one street is an exception to that society. There is no evidence or strong data points to comment on the average trends of the place we are speaking about. Further, the examples we are talking about are varied - one is about a store while the rest 2 are about restaurants. People go to these places for different purposes. People go to a store to pick up groceries so as to cook at home, which is an everyday event whereas going to restaurants is a luxury and not as regular as the former.
Secondly, the author assumes that only those who consume vegetarian meals are concerned about their health. Author fails to recognize and explore what does red meat and fatty cheeses offer that vegetarian meals can not. Instead he is critical of those who don't monitor their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. There is no supporting evidence to state that consuming these foods detoriates health and thus people should be concerned and therefore monitor their intake of these foods. Further, the author wrongly infers that Heart's Delight selling wide selection of cheeses is indicative that people are not concerned about their health. The Heart's Delight did not step selling organic fruits and vegetables - from where the store started. It has just expanded its product catalogue over the years to include cheeses ALSO as stated in the passage.
Finally, the author terribly correlates way of living with the prosperity of a person. The fact that owners of Good Earth Cafe are living in a modest way does not necessarily imply that they are not making good money. It is an old vegetarian restaurant, meaning its been around since a long time thus probably a legacy one. Further, the author gives some sense of ballpark figure as "millionaires" when talking about House of Beef but fails to mention such numbers for their counterparts - vegetarian restaurants. In such a scenario, it does not make much sense to draw comparisons using just a few descriptive words.
While we have discussed above on how a particular street's description is not enough to state that people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses, in order to make a generalization of the people of the city/state/country, author has to include more appropriate data points and fill the gaps in the reasoning. Therefore, this argument lacks deep introspection and wrongly generalizes people based on specific examples.
----------------END OF ESSAY
hey Sajjad1994 ! please evaluate this if you get time. TIA!
