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27 Jan 2022, 10:09
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Folks, this is me writing an AWA essay first time. Please evaluate my AWA essay and don't hold back.
Sample Prompt
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
"People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus, it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
—-
The above argument from the magazine is flawed for multiple reasons. First, while comparing aspartame with sugar, the author states that people are better off consuming sugar than aspartame without producing any direct evidence suggesting that aspartame contributes to weight gain than weight loss. Though it does share its rationale on the part that aspartame plays in depleting the sense of being full, a comparison between the calorie intake for the same proportion of sugar and that of aspartame would have cemented the position of the author on making any claim.
Second, the argument assumes that aspartame-sweetened juices will have the same effect as eating aspartame and that the contents of the juices don't react with one another, producing the same effects as consuming only aspartame will do. Furthermore, the argument claims that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals assuming that weight loss is the only category of goals people aim for.
Overall, the argument could have added more credibility to the premises by weighing the direct caloric effects of consuming aspartame and sugar against the only mentioned effect of depleted sense of being full so as to provide a broader picture.
Sample Prompt
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
"People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus, it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
—-
The above argument from the magazine is flawed for multiple reasons. First, while comparing aspartame with sugar, the author states that people are better off consuming sugar than aspartame without producing any direct evidence suggesting that aspartame contributes to weight gain than weight loss. Though it does share its rationale on the part that aspartame plays in depleting the sense of being full, a comparison between the calorie intake for the same proportion of sugar and that of aspartame would have cemented the position of the author on making any claim.
Second, the argument assumes that aspartame-sweetened juices will have the same effect as eating aspartame and that the contents of the juices don't react with one another, producing the same effects as consuming only aspartame will do. Furthermore, the argument claims that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals assuming that weight loss is the only category of goals people aim for.
Overall, the argument could have added more credibility to the premises by weighing the direct caloric effects of consuming aspartame and sugar against the only mentioned effect of depleted sense of being full so as to provide a broader picture.
27 Jan 2022, 10:18
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Welcome to GMAT Club!
AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
PS: You are supposed to write more in the stipulated 30 minutes; Your word count is less than the standard GMAT essay. Improve your word count.
Good Luck
prateek0708
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