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29 Mar 2022, 11:24
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi everyone! Could you please help me by giving me your opinion on this essay? (Sorry if this topic had already been posted many times, I understand it´s because it´s part of the Official Practice haha)
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Many thanks in advance!
Mario
Argument:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Essay
The previous argument intends to find an explanation for motorcycle X imitators´ unsuccesful attempt at competing with the original product for its clients, but it makes several logical flaws that end up limiting the text´s potential convincing appeal to the reader.
Firstly, the author fails to provide clear, meaningful evidence for his theories, which in turn seem to be purely speculative. The use of vague language like "sell at least well", provide an obvious example of lack of seriousness in the author´s tone. Because of said subjective and speculative tone, the argument is weakened and loses legitimacy. Have strong, solid evidence been provided and correctly analyzed, the argument would have benefitted enormously.
Also, the comparison drawn between the allegedly sucessful sale of "quiet" foreign cars and the unsuccesful sales numbers presented by "quiet" foreign motorcycles, suffers from a vital flaw: it assumes what is true for the car industry can be applicable to the reality of the motorcycle industry. This further debilitates the argument´s overall credibility.
Because of the aforementioned points, it can be concluded that the argument fails to present a solid case and, thus, also fails at its core objective of convincing the reader.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Many thanks in advance!
Mario
Argument:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Essay
The previous argument intends to find an explanation for motorcycle X imitators´ unsuccesful attempt at competing with the original product for its clients, but it makes several logical flaws that end up limiting the text´s potential convincing appeal to the reader.
Firstly, the author fails to provide clear, meaningful evidence for his theories, which in turn seem to be purely speculative. The use of vague language like "sell at least well", provide an obvious example of lack of seriousness in the author´s tone. Because of said subjective and speculative tone, the argument is weakened and loses legitimacy. Have strong, solid evidence been provided and correctly analyzed, the argument would have benefitted enormously.
Also, the comparison drawn between the allegedly sucessful sale of "quiet" foreign cars and the unsuccesful sales numbers presented by "quiet" foreign motorcycles, suffers from a vital flaw: it assumes what is true for the car industry can be applicable to the reality of the motorcycle industry. This further debilitates the argument´s overall credibility.
Because of the aforementioned points, it can be concluded that the argument fails to present a solid case and, thus, also fails at its core objective of convincing the reader.
30 Mar 2022, 06:22
Kudos
Bookmarks
Mario79
AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
PS: Your essay's word count is less than average (You are supposed to write up more (in quantity) in 30 minutes)
Good Luck
