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02 Nov 2022, 07:55
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Hi. Can someone please evaluate my essay.
Prompt:
The following appeared in a speech delivered by a member of the city council:
“Twenty years ago, only half of the students who graduated from Einstein High School went on to attend a college or university. Today, two–thirds of the students who graduate from Einstein do so. Clearly, Einstein has improved its educational effectiveness over the past two decades. This improvement has occurred despite the fact that the school’s funding, when adjusted for inflation, is about the same as it was 20 years ago. Therefore, we do not need to make any substantial increase in the school’s funding at this time.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay:
The argument states that the city council need not make a substantial increase in the funding for Einstein High school presently. The argument is based on the premise that for the past twenty years, despite little or no increase in the school’s funding when adjusted for inflation, the overall educational effectiveness of the school had improved. The improvement has been attributed to an increase in the percentage of high school graduates who go on to attend college or a university. Stated this way, the argument overlooks several key considerations and is susceptible to three main criticisms.
Firstly, the argument does not provide any comparison between the actual number of students who graduated twenty years ago and the number of students who graduated recently. The intermediate conclusion of the argument that the overall educational effectiveness of the institute increased in the past twenty years only holds true only if the number of students who graduated recently in comparison to the number of students who graduated twenty years ago increased or remained constant. However, it is plausible that the number of students who graduated Einstein High School decreased significantly in the past twenty years. As such, an increase in the percentage of students who graduated from Einstein High School does not necessarily indicate an increase in the educational effectiveness of the institution.
Secondly, a substantial investment by the council may be necessary to move over from traditional methods of teaching to new and innovative methods of teaching in classrooms. For example, an introduction of digital classrooms would entail a substantial increase in expenditure by the school that would require additional funding. In view of the above, the argument’s conclusion is questionable at best.
Thirdly, the argument does not consider the expectations of teachers employed by the school. It is possible that the teachers would expect an increase in financial benefits for their exemplary service to the school. Additionally, the teachers who taught in the school might get better financial opportunities elsewhere. Without the support of additional funding from the city council, the school would lose the teachers and would struggle to meet the high standards that have been set during the past twenty years.
In conclusion, it is fair to say that the argument relies on certain unstated assumptions which makes it weak and unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of an argument, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. The argument would have been much better had the city council member considered other key aspects as highlighted above while making a case for keeping the funding of Einstein High School constant.
Prompt:
The following appeared in a speech delivered by a member of the city council:
“Twenty years ago, only half of the students who graduated from Einstein High School went on to attend a college or university. Today, two–thirds of the students who graduate from Einstein do so. Clearly, Einstein has improved its educational effectiveness over the past two decades. This improvement has occurred despite the fact that the school’s funding, when adjusted for inflation, is about the same as it was 20 years ago. Therefore, we do not need to make any substantial increase in the school’s funding at this time.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay:
The argument states that the city council need not make a substantial increase in the funding for Einstein High school presently. The argument is based on the premise that for the past twenty years, despite little or no increase in the school’s funding when adjusted for inflation, the overall educational effectiveness of the school had improved. The improvement has been attributed to an increase in the percentage of high school graduates who go on to attend college or a university. Stated this way, the argument overlooks several key considerations and is susceptible to three main criticisms.
Firstly, the argument does not provide any comparison between the actual number of students who graduated twenty years ago and the number of students who graduated recently. The intermediate conclusion of the argument that the overall educational effectiveness of the institute increased in the past twenty years only holds true only if the number of students who graduated recently in comparison to the number of students who graduated twenty years ago increased or remained constant. However, it is plausible that the number of students who graduated Einstein High School decreased significantly in the past twenty years. As such, an increase in the percentage of students who graduated from Einstein High School does not necessarily indicate an increase in the educational effectiveness of the institution.
Secondly, a substantial investment by the council may be necessary to move over from traditional methods of teaching to new and innovative methods of teaching in classrooms. For example, an introduction of digital classrooms would entail a substantial increase in expenditure by the school that would require additional funding. In view of the above, the argument’s conclusion is questionable at best.
Thirdly, the argument does not consider the expectations of teachers employed by the school. It is possible that the teachers would expect an increase in financial benefits for their exemplary service to the school. Additionally, the teachers who taught in the school might get better financial opportunities elsewhere. Without the support of additional funding from the city council, the school would lose the teachers and would struggle to meet the high standards that have been set during the past twenty years.
In conclusion, it is fair to say that the argument relies on certain unstated assumptions which makes it weak and unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of an argument, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. The argument would have been much better had the city council member considered other key aspects as highlighted above while making a case for keeping the funding of Einstein High School constant.
03 Nov 2022, 00:46
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 5 - 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
apoorvsharma45
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