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05 Nov 2022, 06:36
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Hi. Could someone kindly evaluate my essay?
Prompt:
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:
“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay:
The argument claims that the plan to cut the funding that supports the public television will potentially decrease the number of attendance in city’s art museums. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premise that the increase in the number of people visiting city’s art museums is positively correlated with the increase in the number of residents that watch television programs about the visual arts. However, this conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, readily assumes that the increase in the art museum visitor is contributed to the television programs about the visual arts. However, it fails to mention other factors which might affect the increase in the museum visitors. For instance, over the five 5 years, it could be that the museum have increased its attendance capacity. The author fails to mention the museum’s capacity now compared to that of five years ago. Hence, the argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly state such a fact.
Second, the argument also fails to mention whether those residents who contributed in the poll for which the argument conclude that there is a 15% increase in the views of television program about visual arts, actually attend the museum. For example, it could have been that those people who participated in the poll have never attend the poll at all during the five years. On the other hand, it could be also that the people who attend the museum might not watch the television program about visual arts at all. Clearly, if these were actually the fact, the severe cuts will not affect the number of museum visitors. Thus, the argument could have been much better if it mentions whether the residents who participate in the poll actually visit the museum during the past five years. The argument could also mention whether the museum’s attendance in the past five regularly watch the visual art programs.
Third, the argument did not mention the significance of effect of the cut on the visual art programs. If, for example, the television programs about the visual arts actually contribute to the increase in museum’s attendance and if the programs stopped or reduced, the museum visitors will also adversely affected, it is better for the argument to mention whether the cuts will actually affect the visual art programs. For example, it could have been, even with the severe cuts, the visual arts programs airing and contents will remain the same, because of the advancing technology compared to five years ago. Therefore, it would have been better, if the argument mentions about how significant the severe cuts will affect the television program, before the argument come to the conclusion regarding the museum visitors.
In summary, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.
Prompt:
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:
“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay:
The argument claims that the plan to cut the funding that supports the public television will potentially decrease the number of attendance in city’s art museums. The conclusion of the argument is based on the premise that the increase in the number of people visiting city’s art museums is positively correlated with the increase in the number of residents that watch television programs about the visual arts. However, this conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, readily assumes that the increase in the art museum visitor is contributed to the television programs about the visual arts. However, it fails to mention other factors which might affect the increase in the museum visitors. For instance, over the five 5 years, it could be that the museum have increased its attendance capacity. The author fails to mention the museum’s capacity now compared to that of five years ago. Hence, the argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly state such a fact.
Second, the argument also fails to mention whether those residents who contributed in the poll for which the argument conclude that there is a 15% increase in the views of television program about visual arts, actually attend the museum. For example, it could have been that those people who participated in the poll have never attend the poll at all during the five years. On the other hand, it could be also that the people who attend the museum might not watch the television program about visual arts at all. Clearly, if these were actually the fact, the severe cuts will not affect the number of museum visitors. Thus, the argument could have been much better if it mentions whether the residents who participate in the poll actually visit the museum during the past five years. The argument could also mention whether the museum’s attendance in the past five regularly watch the visual art programs.
Third, the argument did not mention the significance of effect of the cut on the visual art programs. If, for example, the television programs about the visual arts actually contribute to the increase in museum’s attendance and if the programs stopped or reduced, the museum visitors will also adversely affected, it is better for the argument to mention whether the cuts will actually affect the visual art programs. For example, it could have been, even with the severe cuts, the visual arts programs airing and contents will remain the same, because of the advancing technology compared to five years ago. Therefore, it would have been better, if the argument mentions about how significant the severe cuts will affect the television program, before the argument come to the conclusion regarding the museum visitors.
In summary, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.
05 Nov 2022, 11:08
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 3/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 3/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
rnrir9
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