Hi, it's my first attempt to GMAT essay and I am kindly asking for its evalution. Thank you in advance
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles.
"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."The author of the argument that appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles emphasized that nowadays people are not concerned about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheese. He or she came up with a couple of unwarranted evidences that do not strengthen the argument. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence.
Firstly, the author mentioned Heart’s Delight, a store that in the 1960’ began with selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours. Now, customers can find there a wide selection of cheeses that are made with high butterfat content. Nevertheless, this argument is a stretch, as the fact that there is a broad range of fat cheese products, does not mean people are readily purchasing them. This argument could be strengthened if the author provides some specific data, such as the percentage scale whether the selling of butterfat cheese has dramatically increased over a certain period of time or not.
Secondly, the author portrayed a false correlation between two divergent gastronomy locals. Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, whose owners still lead modest living and the newly opened and adjacent House of Beef, whose owners are millionaires. This is again an utterly weak and unsupported claim as the author fails to take into account that owners of House of Beef may have more than just one business that made them millionaires. They also could be millionaires before opening that restaurant. In fact, it is stated unclearly that the selling of red meat is the main reason for them becoming millionaires and moreover, that the House of Beef is a more popular place than the Good Earth Cafe, Thus, it does not seem to be reasonable evidence that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about their dietary choices.
In conclusion, the author makes several unjustified assumptions and fails to prove evidence to support them. Moreover, there are certain flaws in logical reasoning. Therefore, the argument is poorly sustained and unconvincing.