Hello, could you please help me out and grade my AWA essay? I would really appreciate any and all feedback.
The following appeared in an article in a consumer-electronics magazine:
"Company X's latest model of digital camera to be released next month, the TR12, is being promoted as the most portable, user-friendly digital camera available, and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims, because Company X's previous model, the TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
Your Response:
The author of an article in a consumer-electronics magazine makes the argument that a company's new digital camera model, the TR12, will beat any competition in two different aspects. The author supports this claim by stating that the company's previous model, the TR11, was said to have beat the competition in terms of these same aspects last year. Not only does the author argue this, but they also claim that the new model provides a high bang for its buck. It seems plausible that a new model in a product line will continue to build upon its past success, but the author's argument is flawed for many reasons.
First, the author has no evidence about the previous model being successful. It is unclear who described the TR11 as setting the standard in these two areas. Although unlikely, universally could just mean that there were two people from two different countries who said this old model "set the standard" for user-friendliness and portability. Even the author's use of "setting the standard" is very ambiguous. Does this mean that people said the TR11 was the best on the market or were consumer reports less convincing than that? The argument would be strengthened if the author stated a highly reputable global electronics survey that consisted of actual ratings and rankings.
Additionally, the author does not provide any information that proves the TR12's portability or user-friendliness will be the same or better as the TR11's. Will the new model have the same exact features that made these two areas successful in the TR11 or are these attributes being modified? If they are being modified, is it objectively better enhancements or is there a chance people will prefer the TR11 in terms of these aspects? There are many cases in the broad retail industry where consumers prefer an older model over a newer one. Companies can often misinterpret consumer preferences and make advancements in the wrong direction, which could be the case with the TR12. It would be beneficial to know how the TR12 plans on maintaining or improving these two features that are the basis of the argument.
Lastly, there is no mention of Company X's competitive landscape. Since the argument is that the TR12 will be better than its competition, there must be information about other digital camera companies in order to substantiate this claim. Even if the TR11 was the best option on the market last year and the TR12 will be even better, another digital camera could be introduced that will take control of the market. There is a possibility that Company X was the only company to release a digital camera recently, making it easier to be the best in a couple of categories. However, other companies might be able to easily emulate whatever TR11 had in terms of these aspects and copy them or beat them if there is nothing proprietary. Additionally, there could be some brand new technology that another company has come up with and is advertising to release this year. The use of the word bargain is also very ambiguous and would be a lot more useful if it was compared to the rest of the market's prices. Recent surveys and data surrounding the entire digital camera landscape and its customer's preferences would help solidify the author's argument.
Overall, the author does not give nearly enough support for their argument about the success of the TR12. They use ambiguous terms, unsupported claims, and leave out very important information needed to confirm their claim.