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12 Aug 2023, 09:46
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Question:
The following appeared in corporate newsletter:
A lot has been written around the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working conditions in our manufacturing facilities. The rumor is based on the protests by the labor union workers in the last three months. Those writing passionately on the issue may want to know that a paltry 20% of the workers have participated in these protests. Further, in our internal survey, an overwhelming 70% of the participating workers gave positive feedback for the working conditions. Last year, the management spent more money on improving the working conditions than what it did collectively in the three preceding years. Clearly, the notion is uncalled for and there is no significant scope for improvement in the working conditions in our manufacturing facilities.
Response:
The newsletter states that a lot has been written around the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working conditions in the manufacturing facilities. This rumor is based on the protests by the labor union in the last three months. The articles argues that people writing about this should know that only 20% of the workers have participated in these protests and in the internal survey of the corporate , 70% of the participating workers gave the positive feedback. Stated in this way the argument manupilates and conveys the distorted view of the situationand fails to mention several key factorrs on the basis of which it could be evaluated.The corporate's conclusion that this notion is uncalled is based on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that since only 20% of the workers have taken participated in the protests, the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working condition are not true. This statement is a strech because there can be the possibility that other 80% are also dissatisfied with the working environment but are unable to take part in the protest. For example, some of the workers are sick or out of town or some are terrified that they will loose their job and hence they are unable to be the part of the protest. The argument could have been much clear if it clearly stated that other 80% are satisfied with the working conditions of the manufacturing facilities.
Second, the argument claims that the management spent more money on improving the working conditions than what it did in last three years. This is again a very weak claim as there is no information about the past working conditions, it could be the case that past conditions were so bad that even after spending more this year; working conditions are not upto the mark.To strengthen the argument they should provide comparison between the previous conditions and how much better are today's working conditions.
Finally, the conclusion that the notion is uncalled for and there is no significant scope of improvement can be justified only if we have answers to following questions. First, what is the view of the rest 80% who did not take part in the protest and how much is exactly 20% of the population? Second, what were the previous conditions?Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing, it could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentions all the required facts,
The following appeared in corporate newsletter:
A lot has been written around the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working conditions in our manufacturing facilities. The rumor is based on the protests by the labor union workers in the last three months. Those writing passionately on the issue may want to know that a paltry 20% of the workers have participated in these protests. Further, in our internal survey, an overwhelming 70% of the participating workers gave positive feedback for the working conditions. Last year, the management spent more money on improving the working conditions than what it did collectively in the three preceding years. Clearly, the notion is uncalled for and there is no significant scope for improvement in the working conditions in our manufacturing facilities.
Response:
The newsletter states that a lot has been written around the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working conditions in the manufacturing facilities. This rumor is based on the protests by the labor union in the last three months. The articles argues that people writing about this should know that only 20% of the workers have participated in these protests and in the internal survey of the corporate , 70% of the participating workers gave the positive feedback. Stated in this way the argument manupilates and conveys the distorted view of the situationand fails to mention several key factorrs on the basis of which it could be evaluated.The corporate's conclusion that this notion is uncalled is based on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that since only 20% of the workers have taken participated in the protests, the notion that workers are dissatisfied with the working condition are not true. This statement is a strech because there can be the possibility that other 80% are also dissatisfied with the working environment but are unable to take part in the protest. For example, some of the workers are sick or out of town or some are terrified that they will loose their job and hence they are unable to be the part of the protest. The argument could have been much clear if it clearly stated that other 80% are satisfied with the working conditions of the manufacturing facilities.
Second, the argument claims that the management spent more money on improving the working conditions than what it did in last three years. This is again a very weak claim as there is no information about the past working conditions, it could be the case that past conditions were so bad that even after spending more this year; working conditions are not upto the mark.To strengthen the argument they should provide comparison between the previous conditions and how much better are today's working conditions.
Finally, the conclusion that the notion is uncalled for and there is no significant scope of improvement can be justified only if we have answers to following questions. First, what is the view of the rest 80% who did not take part in the protest and how much is exactly 20% of the population? Second, what were the previous conditions?Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing, it could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentions all the required facts,
12 Aug 2023, 11:52
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AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure and connectivity between ideas. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences are mostly smooth, aiding in the overall flow of the essay. However, there are a few instances where the connections could be strengthened for even smoother transitions.
Word Structure: 5
The word structure is generally good, with a variety of sentence lengths and structures used to convey the points effectively. Some sentences could be further refined for clarity and precision.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5
The essay follows a typical paragraph structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific point. The introduction and conclusion adequately frame the discussion, while body paragraphs contain well-organized points. However, a few paragraphs could benefit from more concise and focused development of ideas.
Language and Grammar: 5.5
The language and grammar are generally strong, allowing the essay to convey its points clearly. There are a few instances of minor grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and missing articles that could be corrected to enhance readability.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5
The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and effective for the most part. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance expression and precision.
Overall, the essay provides a well-structured response that addresses the argument's flaws and weaknesses. With some minor improvements in coherence, grammar, and vocabulary, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness. Therefore, the essay is rated at a score of 5.5 out of 6.
Coherence and Connectivity: 5.5
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure and connectivity between ideas. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences are mostly smooth, aiding in the overall flow of the essay. However, there are a few instances where the connections could be strengthened for even smoother transitions.
Word Structure: 5
The word structure is generally good, with a variety of sentence lengths and structures used to convey the points effectively. Some sentences could be further refined for clarity and precision.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5
The essay follows a typical paragraph structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific point. The introduction and conclusion adequately frame the discussion, while body paragraphs contain well-organized points. However, a few paragraphs could benefit from more concise and focused development of ideas.
Language and Grammar: 5.5
The language and grammar are generally strong, allowing the essay to convey its points clearly. There are a few instances of minor grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and missing articles that could be corrected to enhance readability.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 5
The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and effective for the most part. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance expression and precision.
Overall, the essay provides a well-structured response that addresses the argument's flaws and weaknesses. With some minor improvements in coherence, grammar, and vocabulary, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness. Therefore, the essay is rated at a score of 5.5 out of 6.
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