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17 Aug 2023, 11:05
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Sajjad1994
May I request to evaluate the Essay on the undermentioned prompt :-
QUESTION
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:
"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
ESSAY
The argument under reference, an extract from the proposal for a high school's forthcoming annual fundraising event, predicts a higher revenue this year as compared to that in the last year, and is based on envisaged higher footfalls driven by more thrilling rides, more expensive prizes, and a larger variety of dishes. Primarily, the author assumes larger attendance during the event to provide such a rosy prediction. At an initial glance, the argument seems logically convincing; however, on a deeper analysis, it comes to the fore that the argument suffers from adherence to doubtful assumptions, as also lacks adequate supporting evidence. Besides the aforementioned limitations, the argument has several critical flaws, which have been enumerated in the succeeding paragraphs.
Firstly, the author has assumed increased attendance at this year's fundraising event vis-a-vis that during the the last year's event. However, the related factors, to include the ride costs and the fees for participation in games this year as compared to those last year have not been analyzed. There is a high probability that the increased costs, if planned, may not elicit higher attendance.
Secondly, the author has also not provided evidence pertaining to the new additions in rides and games. If there have not been planned significant additions in terms of variety, the argument's reasoning may suffer considerably.
Thirdly, the author has not provided the proposed dates and duration planned in respect of the forthcoming event. It needs to be deliberated by the author that the planned dates do not coincide with other children-focused events in the city. Other events, if planned in a similar time frame, may significantly affect the attendance during the event.
Lastly, the author has argued that earning will rise due to higher entrance fee and higher commissions from vendors. In this regard, the author needs to support this aspect of the argument through population surveys as well as acceptance by the vendors regarding such rise in fees or commissions.
Towards improving the logical soundness of the argument, the author needs to supplement his argument through adequate supporting evidence in the form of population surveys, appropriateness of the event dates and the variety or novelty in the planned rides and games for the attendees.
In essence, the argument, in its existing state, is logically inconsistent, in that it is based on weak assumption of higher attendance, coupled with lack of supporting evidence pertaining to deliberations regarding measures taken to ensure higher attendance. If the author includes relevant supporting evidence in the form of analyses, surveys and proactive plans to include greater variety in rides, prizes and games, it will be much easier to justify the prediction of increased revenues.
May I request to evaluate the Essay on the undermentioned prompt :-
QUESTION
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:
"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
ESSAY
The argument under reference, an extract from the proposal for a high school's forthcoming annual fundraising event, predicts a higher revenue this year as compared to that in the last year, and is based on envisaged higher footfalls driven by more thrilling rides, more expensive prizes, and a larger variety of dishes. Primarily, the author assumes larger attendance during the event to provide such a rosy prediction. At an initial glance, the argument seems logically convincing; however, on a deeper analysis, it comes to the fore that the argument suffers from adherence to doubtful assumptions, as also lacks adequate supporting evidence. Besides the aforementioned limitations, the argument has several critical flaws, which have been enumerated in the succeeding paragraphs.
Firstly, the author has assumed increased attendance at this year's fundraising event vis-a-vis that during the the last year's event. However, the related factors, to include the ride costs and the fees for participation in games this year as compared to those last year have not been analyzed. There is a high probability that the increased costs, if planned, may not elicit higher attendance.
Secondly, the author has also not provided evidence pertaining to the new additions in rides and games. If there have not been planned significant additions in terms of variety, the argument's reasoning may suffer considerably.
Thirdly, the author has not provided the proposed dates and duration planned in respect of the forthcoming event. It needs to be deliberated by the author that the planned dates do not coincide with other children-focused events in the city. Other events, if planned in a similar time frame, may significantly affect the attendance during the event.
Lastly, the author has argued that earning will rise due to higher entrance fee and higher commissions from vendors. In this regard, the author needs to support this aspect of the argument through population surveys as well as acceptance by the vendors regarding such rise in fees or commissions.
Towards improving the logical soundness of the argument, the author needs to supplement his argument through adequate supporting evidence in the form of population surveys, appropriateness of the event dates and the variety or novelty in the planned rides and games for the attendees.
In essence, the argument, in its existing state, is logically inconsistent, in that it is based on weak assumption of higher attendance, coupled with lack of supporting evidence pertaining to deliberations regarding measures taken to ensure higher attendance. If the author includes relevant supporting evidence in the form of analyses, surveys and proactive plans to include greater variety in rides, prizes and games, it will be much easier to justify the prediction of increased revenues.
17 Aug 2023, 12:17
Kudos
Bookmarks
AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and Connectivity: 5/6
Your essay demonstrates a good flow of ideas and maintains coherence throughout. The connections between sentences and paragraphs are generally well-established, but there are a few instances where transitions could be smoother.
Word Structure: 5/6
Your writing is clear and effectively conveys your points. There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, but they do not significantly hinder comprehension. A more precise choice of words and sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6
Your essay follows a coherent paragraph structure and maintains a logical progression of ideas. Some paragraphs could be more concise, but overall, the formation is effective.
Language and Grammar: 4.5/6
Your language use is generally solid, but there are some noticeable grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing. Proofreading and revision for grammar and syntax would improve the clarity and readability of your writing.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 4.5/6
Your vocabulary usage is appropriate and effective, although there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Strive for more nuanced and precise vocabulary choices to enhance the depth of your expression.
Overall Impression:
Your essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the argument, pointing out its weaknesses and suggesting ways to improve it. The ideas are well-organized and logically presented. With better attention to grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary, your essay could be even more persuasive.
Coherence and Connectivity: 5/6
Your essay demonstrates a good flow of ideas and maintains coherence throughout. The connections between sentences and paragraphs are generally well-established, but there are a few instances where transitions could be smoother.
Word Structure: 5/6
Your writing is clear and effectively conveys your points. There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, but they do not significantly hinder comprehension. A more precise choice of words and sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
Paragraph Structure and Formation: 5/6
Your essay follows a coherent paragraph structure and maintains a logical progression of ideas. Some paragraphs could be more concise, but overall, the formation is effective.
Language and Grammar: 4.5/6
Your language use is generally solid, but there are some noticeable grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing. Proofreading and revision for grammar and syntax would improve the clarity and readability of your writing.
Vocabulary and Word Expression: 4.5/6
Your vocabulary usage is appropriate and effective, although there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Strive for more nuanced and precise vocabulary choices to enhance the depth of your expression.
Overall Impression:
Your essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the argument, pointing out its weaknesses and suggesting ways to improve it. The ideas are well-organized and logically presented. With better attention to grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary, your essay could be even more persuasive.
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