Shalu, you have some grammar issues in the essay that need attention. Here is a review of your first paragraph:
Whether
idea that the achievements of a person, who excelled in
a field, should be considered more important than his/her personal faults is a controversial one. On the one
hand some people believe that personal achievements eclipse faults, on the other
side there are people who believe that personal faults outshine any achievements that
an individual
has made. In this argument I shall present my views against the issue, that personal achievements are more important than the personal faults.
In the second sentence on the one hand... on the other side? Which is it hands or sides?
You consistently misspell achievements. Which should be presented in the question so you have an example of the correct spelling.
The last sentence does not advance your essay. You need a stronger sentence to support your argument. Don't tell me what your going to do... do it. for example:
While there are many reasons that one might consider faults of primary importance, history has shown that we are remembered more for our success than our failures.
Then you would present some historical figures that exemplify your point in paragraphs 2 & 3. Then you might present a third personal point in Paragraph 4. In paragraph 5 you conclude. The conclusions follows the following formula:
Sentence 1: Its a controversy...
Sentence 2: Historical example 1 proves my point because...
Sentence 3: Historical example 2 reinforces my point...
Sentence 4: My personal experience parallels history...
Sentence 5: In conclusion it is clear that...