A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North Amer
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29 Jul 2020, 11:02
Hello!
Looking for people to critique my essays to make them stronger, as well as any guides or sources to help with the sentence correction portion of the exam. Thank you!
Prompt:
A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called Isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease-preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.
Essay:
The author argues that people living in North American suffer from depression and fatigue at higher rates than people living in Asia on the basis of their soy intake. The author’s rhetoric presumptuously concludes that increasing soy intake amongst those living in North America will lessen the likelihood of suffering from chronic fatigue and depression without considering any external factors, including the fact that the people suffering from these conditions live on two different continents. The flaws in this argument assume that the two continents are equal with the exception of their soy intake.
First, the argument readily assumes that those living in North America suffer from chronic fatigue and depression because of their lack of soy intake. The author fails to mention any external factors, such as differences in the continent’s labor structures or other issues that are common in North America compared to Asia. The author’s argument would be stronger if they posed similar examples of external factors that affect both of the continents.
Second, the argument claims that soy contains isoflavones, which possess disease-preventing properties. By increasing isoflavone intake, the severity of fatigue and depression can be greatly reduced. However, by making this claim that isoflavones can reduce chronic issues, the author is also poising the question of whether or not western medicine is just as, if not more, effective in treating these similar issues. Additionally, the author assumes that soy is the only food product that contains isoflavones; however, isoflavones can be found in other food products regularly consumed by North Americans, such as legumes and tofu. The author fails to consider all other products that contain the ingredient responsible for lessening chronic symptoms, thus weakening their argument. The author’s argument would be further substantiated if the author mentioned the impact of medicine coupled with increased intake of isoflavone, as well as other sources of food with isoflavones; however, their lack of doing so creates a flawed perspective on the effects of soy consumption.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. The author’s argument would be stronger if they mentioned particular similarities between the two continents, as well as other sources of isoflavones that can reduce the rate of North Americans suffering from chronic fatigue and depression.