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Concentration: Technology, General Management
Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations le
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02 Sep 2020, 11:44
Note:
I just wrote my first practice AWA, if anyone sees any issues with the following essay please let me know!
Please be brutally honest, I would like to know how I can improve my AWA score.
Thanks,
--Zucchini
Prompt
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods: “Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.” Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay
The annual report sent to stockholders had various flaws which weakened the authors claim that Olympic Foods will minimize costs and maximize profits. The writer uses ambiguous language and compares unlike variables. These flaws question the strength of the authors claim, and need more information.
First of all, the use of ambiguous language appears throughout the passage. It is stated that “as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient.” The reader can not be certain what things the author is referring to. This could be referring to anything from how to make a sandwich, to the time that the workday should start for employees. There is also uncertainty in the same sentence when it is stated that “the things become more efficient.” There is no magnitude tied to this efficiency, and it weakens the claim trying to be made. There is a vast difference between an increase by one hundred percent versus an increase of one percent.
The second flaw of the passage is the unlikely comparison used. The example provided states that “the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984.” The unlikely comparisons here are between the one-day and five-day service, and between 1970 and 1984. It is inferred that there are minimal differences between the one-day and five-day services but it is not explicitly stated in the passage. There could have been a breakthrough transportation invention between these two time periods that drastically reduced the time and cost of mail delivery. This could explain the cost difference, rather than the claim that the organization itself learned “how to do things better.”
This letter sent out to shareholders could be strengthened in the following ways. Reducing the ambiguity of the passage would be a start. For example, if the author provided some clarity as to how organizations were “better,” and the magnitude of the efficiency claimed at the end of the second sentence. The second flaw of an unlikely comparison could be strengthened by providing more information regarding the example. If the author provided the reasons why the cost of mail delivery saw such a sharp decline and the differences between the delivery systems in 1970 versus 1984, this would undeniably strengthen this example. Without these improvements to the passage, it remains weak and insufficient for an annual report.