Hello Jorge,
Glad to see that you are practicing AWA! Below I will review your AWA to the best of my ability...
In an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, the author states that because the company will soon celebrate its 25th anniversary, this kind of “experience” in the market will minimize costs and maximize profits by itself. The argument is filled with flaws as there is no hard evidence that can relate one idea to the other.
Here I will suggest to make the introduction a bit more eloquent for the reader, while also quickly summarizing the points below in this first paragraph. It seems to me that this is very short as an introduction to a full fledged writing promptIn order to sustain his argument that costs will soon be minimized at Olympic Foods, the author uses the color film industry processing example in which, between 1970 and 1984, the cost of a 3+5in print went down 30 cents.
I would suggest better words for this transition First of all, it’s hard to directly compare that a cost reduction of a specific product in largely different industry will be any indicator at all of what can happen in the frozen food processing industry
Provide an example here. Second, the example is referring to something that happened more than 20 years ago - a totally different battlefield regarding speed, innovation and competition for companies. Third, the author mentions the company having “long experience” because of its 25th anniversary, but this is subjective because of two reasons: one, 25 years may be a long time but there might not be a direct correlation with experience - maybe another company with 10 years of experience has tested more production methods, or more cost reduction strategies and thus have more experience on this specific field. Two, there may be other companies with 100 years of experience competing with Olympic Foods, and then 25 years might mean they are the youngest company in the market.
Furthermore, the author stated that because there can be an expectation of cost reductions soon, profits will maximize. There’s a lack of evidence for this conclusion as profits depend not only on costs but also on revenues. Even if the company is competent enough to reduce its costs, in order to maximize profits, revenue needs to at least remain constant, and there is no mention of what current or future revenues look like.
There would be ways to strengthen the author's arguments. Regarding the argument that costs would soon decrease for example
provide strengthen alternatives under the same paragraph, this could have been supported more thoroughly if the author presented data on current and past costs, and its relation to gained efficiencies because of the company’s experience with time. The argument that profits would soon maximize could have also been stronger if there was more current and forward looking financial data (i.e. current revenues, projected revenues, current and forward looking gross and net margins and profitability) that could help us better understand what future profits could look like.
By using examples from other industries years back and with no data to support current and future financial trends, the author is lacking strength in the arguments presented in order for the reader to deeply understand Olymplic Food’s future profitability.
In the conclusion make sure to summarize all of your points againFairly good prompt answer imo. I would argue that you need to work on your structure and idea placement more than anything else because there is good information in the prompt that is weirdly structured and organized... also, I would recommend an expansion of your intro and your conclusion by summarizing what you will talk about and what you just talked about.
Tell them what you are going to tell them-----> tell them ----> tell them what you just told them
Keep going! PERSONALLY I would probably give this a 4 but mostly because of errors in grammar, vocabulary, and structure. Especially because of the latter.
Best of luck.