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16 Aug 2023, 08:01
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Hi all! I was hoping that somebody here would be able to evaluate my first attempt at an AWA based on this prompt:
Prompt:
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Here's my essay:
Prompt:
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Here's my essay:
The writer of this article aims to refute the conception by some that the poor sales of a non-American company's version of motorcycle X among motorcycle X customers is explained by the lack of loud noise in the foreign version and that was otherwise created by motorcycle X. However, the reasoning behind this assertion is flawed because he makes several assumptions about the product that are weak.
Firstly, the writer asserts that the foreign version's poor sales cannot be explained by the lack of noise the original motorcycle X creates because foreign versions of American cars sell just as well as the originals that spawned it, even though they tend to be quieter. However, the writer fails to acknowledge any potential differences between the car market and the motorcycle market. Buyers in the motorcycle market may prioritize an enhanced, louder noise — such as Harley-Davidson buyers that have cited its loud, unique noise as an attractive facet — where car buyers may prioritize a quieter experience — such as Rolls-Royce car buyers who cite the comfort and relaxed nature of the ride as an attractive facet instead. Psychologically, it is possible that car buyers are fundamentally different to motorcycle buyers. The writer, however, takes the example of one automotive market, and transplants it onto a separate, albeit related, automotive market, without consideration of the differences between those markets.
The writer later makes an observation that might refute my previous point, stating that "television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track." If the advertisements try to sell motorcycle X's most important and attractive features, then an absence of commentary on the noise would support the writer's claim. However, this is an assumption in and of itself. It assumes that the majority of those that buy motorcycle X have bought the product because of the power of the advertisements, rather than through word-of-mouth. Also, the writer does not address his very first line in which he asserts that "motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years," which would suggest that potential buyers may already be accustomed to the noise, and that the advertiser is trying to emphasize selling points of the vehicle that may otherwise go unnoticed.
In conclusion, I find the writer's claim to be poorly-reasoned, because it does not do an adequate job of addressing counter-arguments, and makes large assumptions that require data and evidence to back it up, where there are none.
Firstly, the writer asserts that the foreign version's poor sales cannot be explained by the lack of noise the original motorcycle X creates because foreign versions of American cars sell just as well as the originals that spawned it, even though they tend to be quieter. However, the writer fails to acknowledge any potential differences between the car market and the motorcycle market. Buyers in the motorcycle market may prioritize an enhanced, louder noise — such as Harley-Davidson buyers that have cited its loud, unique noise as an attractive facet — where car buyers may prioritize a quieter experience — such as Rolls-Royce car buyers who cite the comfort and relaxed nature of the ride as an attractive facet instead. Psychologically, it is possible that car buyers are fundamentally different to motorcycle buyers. The writer, however, takes the example of one automotive market, and transplants it onto a separate, albeit related, automotive market, without consideration of the differences between those markets.
The writer later makes an observation that might refute my previous point, stating that "television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track." If the advertisements try to sell motorcycle X's most important and attractive features, then an absence of commentary on the noise would support the writer's claim. However, this is an assumption in and of itself. It assumes that the majority of those that buy motorcycle X have bought the product because of the power of the advertisements, rather than through word-of-mouth. Also, the writer does not address his very first line in which he asserts that "motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years," which would suggest that potential buyers may already be accustomed to the noise, and that the advertiser is trying to emphasize selling points of the vehicle that may otherwise go unnoticed.
In conclusion, I find the writer's claim to be poorly-reasoned, because it does not do an adequate job of addressing counter-arguments, and makes large assumptions that require data and evidence to back it up, where there are none.
Archit3110
Major Poster
16 Aug 2023, 08:07
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although your essay is good , but it lacks few key words use below link for key words:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
16 Aug 2023, 08:17
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Archit3110
Thanks for this. How much do you think this would get to begin with, and how much would it get after introducing those key words strategically?
