Can someone please review my AWA letters ?
[#permalink]
16 Sep 2021, 11:55
Hey, I am planning to take GMAT in a couple of weeks. Is this article good enough to get a >4 score ?
Argument
On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
The above argument states that retail sales in department stores are expected to increase significantly in the next decade owing to a dramatic rise in the number of middle-aged people. To increase sales further, the author suggests that the stores should focus on the middle-aged segment by replacing some products intended for younger consumers with products intended for middle-aged consumers. The argument, in its current state, is weak, lacks evidence for certain statements, and comprises unjustified assumptions.
Firstly, the argument does not discuss the absolute size of population in the middle and young age segment. While it is true that a larger majority of middle-age consumers prefer department stores than that of young consumers, the author should also explore the total revenue generated by each age segment. Since, no information is presented in the argument about total population or total revenue , it is not safe to assume that the middle-age consumers are driving retail sales.
Secondly, the author does not provide any justification for the dramatic increase in the population of middle-aged consumers in the next decade. The claim seems unbelievable so the author should properly cite the origins of this prediction. Even if the claim is true, it does not imply that the hike in new middle-age consumers will result in a similar hike in retail sales. As no information is provided about the new users, their buying behavior can be anything, maybe a complete opposite to that of past middle age consumers.
Thirdly, the author assumes that it is possible to correctly identify and segregate products that are intended for a middle-aged consumer. In reality, the middle-aged user may exhibit buying patterns very similar to the younger audience since most adults in the household purchase items for every member of the family. So, replacing products intended for young consumers is perhaps not a very good idea without the proper research and analysis of buying patterns.
The author must compare the population of the two groups to decide the age group that contributes more to retail sales. This will help understand why, if true, middle-aged consumers should be the focus of retail shops. The author should also clarify the logic for a rise in middle-aged population and indicate the buying behavior of these new consumers in the argument. To justify his suggestion of replacing products to increase sales, the author should provide instances of such an experiment that had attained the desired results. The argument, in its current form, is very weak and unconvincing. The author should investigate and add the above points to improve the credibility of the argument.