hsampath wrote:
Do you think it makes sense for me to talk about my undergrad, being the only girl in class, even though it was in the same culture? I would still acknowledge other events like work culture in another country, but go back and talk about this as the most impacting.
Can culture shock be interpreted this way?
Thanks!
In short, yes I think you could.... but a few words of warning:
I'm not sure its quite "culture shock" -- in that, surely, its not the first time you were around other men.... right? (if it was, then ABSOLUTELY write about it, because thats quite interesting and unique)... So... that said, if the essay is especially explicit about "culture shock" being the core of the essay, you may want to consider things in more detail. However, that doesn't mean not to use your interpretation, just think about it critically - was it really culture shock? Or are you just writing an essay about how "I was the only girl in a class full of men and they didn't think I could do calculus and I got an A" (or some similar cliche?). If its not some blase story like that, you may well have an interesting and unique take on culture shock -- and that makes your essay memorable (which is a good thing imho)
Assuming that your story passes muster... If you dilute the story by introducing alternates about working in a different culture, you risk masking the primary story and wasting valuable space by "hedging". Just be weary of this. Better to have one story with focus than two or three with no focus. I would suggest -- and mind you this is a broad suggestion based only on what youve said so far -- that you pick one story and stick with it unless you can cleanly tie the stories together (that is, they share one underlying theme that is supported by the two stories). More often than not, when people introduce multiple stories in one essay its because they couldn't pick which one to write about and they end up "squeezing" them both in. Often, though not always, the stories really have different points - and rather than reinforce each other, they detract.
So, if you can write about work AND school with the same basic underlying theme (and it has to be something more meaningful than "here's another example of culture shock"), then you will REINFORCE your point and strengthen your essay. If you write about the two with no obvious cohesion, odds are, the essay will be harder to read, less memorable and probably not as good.
Thus, I'd suggest that you either write about ONE story or if you write about two, make sure they have some kind of underlying similarity / common theme / cohesive concept. Make it clear to the reader that you aren't including both stories because you couldn't pick one....