Essay Choice

Question

I need someone to tell me what to do. I have lost all reasoning skills. Lead me, my GMATClub friends.

I am wrapping up my Yale application. The first essay asks about my career path and why I want an MBA. The second one, as most of you may know, is entirely up to me.

I have two options:

1) A poignant tale about growing up in a trailer court with a single mom who was working too hard to put food on the table to pay much attention to me. I rise above challenges, am personal and funny, and it's a well-written story. (this assessment from other readers.)

2) Another tale with less poignancy that is either about overcoming a challenge at work or about my greatest professional achievement, depending how I spin it. Tells the story of taking over my first program, which had been run into the ground the year before. Less funny and personal, but it shows my passion for my work, my determination to succeed, and leadership skills.

What's your choice?

Inspiring tale of childhood redemption?

OR

Bad-a$$, hard-core, get-it-done girl?

thanks, gang.
aaudetat

********************

Profile:

I have an econ development background in a community development credit union. 3.94 gpa, Phi Beta Kappa, small private liberal arts school in the midwest. 5 years work experience, much of which is national-level stuff. Kickin' community experience, lots of leadership in the office and out. International experience - 4 languages. Long-term goal of staying in economic development and taking the credit union field by storm. Short-term: CRA for Block or Citigroup. oh, yeah - 710 gmat, tilted toward verbal (shocking, i know)

pelihu · Answer

You should go with #1. I think that Yale loves the sappy story (no offense).

jaynayak · Answer

My thoughts exactly

rhyme · Answer

Well it really really depends on what else you hit on in the other essays - remember the application is a book, the essays are chapters, but... lacking that information, i voted 1.

braindancer · Answer

If you were the only applicant, and the question would be go/no-go, I'd vote for 2, as it sounds more solid. However, when you're in the crowd of gazillion bad-a$$ girls and boys, the first story looks more appealing - it makes you stand out, which is good.

EconGirl · Answer

I would go with number 1. I think that plenty of people have a similar story as your #2

Ozmba · Answer

If i were you, I will choose option 1, It's an important aspect of your personality and worth mentioning....

cheers

braindancer · Answer

The funny thing is that no one who voted for option 2 has supported his position anyhow.

rhyme · Answer

Indeed. <img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" />

zargo79 · Answer

same situation as you. got a good personal history essay but had hard time tying it to the school or marketing it as a complete package with rest of my application. Since yale requires so little information about you, I had to strategize on an essay. I ended up using my extracurricular essay since it shows some of the passion/leadership side to me. I only wish their optional essay was more accomodating to adding another short essay.

Based on the two choices you listed, I would still go for the first one.

lepium · Answer

I voted #2.
I think that #1 is too far behind to be relevant. After all you have already overcome your childhood by graduating from university! After that, there's not much more influence your childhood had on your chances, right?

Just for the record: I have no idea what Yale may like and am not applying there.

Cheers. L.

buckkitty · Answer

I vote for #1. The essay is intended to find out more about you and I suspect that you have conveyed the bad a$$ girl in the other aspects of your app (I hope, anyway). Take this as an opportunity to set yourself apart. It brings out an aspect of diversity in you. Caveat: Tell a good story. And it sounds like you have done that, as you mentioned you've gotten some good feedback. Good luck Girl!

Can I ask, what is CRA?

aaudetat · Answer

Community Reinvestment Act -

Sounds like this:

Uncle Sam Says: "You banks! Quit scewing over poor people and actually put some investments in those communities you've illegally redlined all those years."

It's largely box-checking, especially when compared to the size of these banks' other activities, but these divisions do have some money and clout and can have an impact.

neo276 · Answer

I am not familiar with the details of aaudetat's circumstances and other parts of her application so my comments below are my personal views and may not be applicable to her or others.

There is an element of risk involved when using stories related to difficult personal circumstances. If one's application does not project image of a candidate who is very accomplished and successful, then mentioning personal circumstances *might* be seen as whining or an attempt to win sympathy or an attempt to use it as a differentiating factor.

It also depends on which school you are talking about. If a childhood difficult circumstance has significantly shaped "what matters most to you and why?" then sure go ahead and use it, but you should also have some positive element in the story, something you did later on due to your experiences.

My 2 cents.

aaudetat · Answer

Ok, it's done.

NUMBER ONE HAS WON!

I decided that the other required Yale essay - career path - shows how much i've accomplished and touches on leadership, dedication, passion, and get-er-done-ness.

My kick-a$$ essay seemed a detailed subset of the career path essay - what I do, why I do it, and a long story about how I get it done. I demonstrate in this essay that my accomplishments only came after overcoming obstacles - that's something that isn't in the career path essay.

However, I overcome obstacles and offer insight into who I am, what my values are, and how i am likely different from many other applicants in the childhood story. And it definitely has a positive tone, etc. I had several people read it to be sure it didn't fall into the traps that neo mentions. This essay reads much more along the lines of "what matters" or "defining moment."

Thanks, guys, for your help.

cheerio
amy

Essay Choice

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