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16 Jun 2015, 08:17
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Hi,
GMAC just moved up my exam and I'm getting quite nervous. I'd appreciate it if anyone could please provide feedback on this essay - it is my first attempt at AWA. Thanks in advance!
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Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned
-----------------------------
The article reviewing summer camps for children advertises Federville Farms as the best camp experience available. At first glance, Federville Farms seems to have many admirable assets that would be appealing to parents - a first-place survey ranking in camper satisfaction and food quality, a range of outdoor activities, a large employ of Red Cross certified lifeguards, and a marketing-friendly designation of being family owned and operated. However, the conclusion that Federville Farms is the "best camp experience" for children is hampered by the questionable link between its family-owned and operated status and safety and faulty assumption that satisfaction, food quality, outdoor activities, and safety are ingredients for the best camp experience.
To support its conclusion that Federville Farms is the best camp experience for children, the article draws an unclear link between Federville Farms being a family-owned and operated business and its employment of the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards in the state to the safety of camp children. The first piece of evidence, that Federville Farms is a family-owned and operated business, is a standalone observation that has no impact on the safety of children; a family owned and operated business can be negligent in keeping the camp grounds clear of dangerous equipment or cabins up to state and federal living standards. The second piece of evidence, that Federville Farms employs the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state, is likely to affect the safety of children only near water. However, if Federville is ranked second in the variety of outdoor activities, children who attend the camp will very likely be involved in non-water sports and recreational activities. The article's mentioning of only lifeguards as a safety measure and its family owned and operated status does not strongly support its conclusion that parents do not have to worry about the safety of their children at Federville Farms.
Perhaps most importantly, the overall assumption which underlies the conclusion of the article is that the best camp experience of children is determined by a few things - high "overall camper satisfaction" and food quality, variety of outdoor activities, and the safety of the camp. However, aforementioned assumption does not take into consideration the needs of the individual child nor the circumstances which make summer camps a unique experience for each person. A five-year old girl interested in arts and crafts will have very different experiences at the same camp as a thirteen year old boy who enjoys rock-climbing and fishing. Thus, the factors which are mentioned in the article cannot be the only ones that determine the best camp experience as each "best" experience is different for each child.
The survey ratings and claims of safety mentioned by the article may portray Federville Farms in a positive light but should not be the only factors considered when parents evaluate the best camp experience for their children. In addition, the link between a "family owned and operated" business and the number of Red Cross lifeguards to the overall safety of children should be heavily questioned before any camp enrollment decision is made. The article attempts to portray Federville Farms in an exceedingly positive light, but additional evidence and introspection is needed before the article's conclusion can be taken seriously.
GMAC just moved up my exam and I'm getting quite nervous. I'd appreciate it if anyone could please provide feedback on this essay - it is my first attempt at AWA. Thanks in advance!
-----------------------
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned
-----------------------------
The article reviewing summer camps for children advertises Federville Farms as the best camp experience available. At first glance, Federville Farms seems to have many admirable assets that would be appealing to parents - a first-place survey ranking in camper satisfaction and food quality, a range of outdoor activities, a large employ of Red Cross certified lifeguards, and a marketing-friendly designation of being family owned and operated. However, the conclusion that Federville Farms is the "best camp experience" for children is hampered by the questionable link between its family-owned and operated status and safety and faulty assumption that satisfaction, food quality, outdoor activities, and safety are ingredients for the best camp experience.
To support its conclusion that Federville Farms is the best camp experience for children, the article draws an unclear link between Federville Farms being a family-owned and operated business and its employment of the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards in the state to the safety of camp children. The first piece of evidence, that Federville Farms is a family-owned and operated business, is a standalone observation that has no impact on the safety of children; a family owned and operated business can be negligent in keeping the camp grounds clear of dangerous equipment or cabins up to state and federal living standards. The second piece of evidence, that Federville Farms employs the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state, is likely to affect the safety of children only near water. However, if Federville is ranked second in the variety of outdoor activities, children who attend the camp will very likely be involved in non-water sports and recreational activities. The article's mentioning of only lifeguards as a safety measure and its family owned and operated status does not strongly support its conclusion that parents do not have to worry about the safety of their children at Federville Farms.
Perhaps most importantly, the overall assumption which underlies the conclusion of the article is that the best camp experience of children is determined by a few things - high "overall camper satisfaction" and food quality, variety of outdoor activities, and the safety of the camp. However, aforementioned assumption does not take into consideration the needs of the individual child nor the circumstances which make summer camps a unique experience for each person. A five-year old girl interested in arts and crafts will have very different experiences at the same camp as a thirteen year old boy who enjoys rock-climbing and fishing. Thus, the factors which are mentioned in the article cannot be the only ones that determine the best camp experience as each "best" experience is different for each child.
The survey ratings and claims of safety mentioned by the article may portray Federville Farms in a positive light but should not be the only factors considered when parents evaluate the best camp experience for their children. In addition, the link between a "family owned and operated" business and the number of Red Cross lifeguards to the overall safety of children should be heavily questioned before any camp enrollment decision is made. The article attempts to portray Federville Farms in an exceedingly positive light, but additional evidence and introspection is needed before the article's conclusion can be taken seriously.
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