First AWA Essay - Feedback Appreciated
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05 Jul 2018, 10:14
Hi all! I've just started to study for the GMAT AWA section, taking the test next week. Could you please provide some feedback and an estimated score? I left the essay as it was when the 30 minutes ran out.
Prompt: “Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track.”
The author of the article argues that it is not due to the loud noise made by motorcycle that prevents the foreign company with a similar product from attracting motorcycle X customers. The claim certainly has its merits: Motorcycle X, as mentioned by the author, has indeed been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years and may have become a symbol of American-ness, a status unrivaled by the foreign company that copied the motorcycle. However, the author's claim is subject to a few flaws. Namely, it wrongly assumes that the comparison between the noise levels in foreign cars and American-made cars can apply to motorcycles, and that customers do not care about the noise simply because television advertisements do not highlight it.
The author claims that foreign cars sell at least as well as their American counterparts despite The author of the article argues that it is not due to the loud noise made by motorcycle that prevents the foreign company with a similar product from attracting motorcycle X customers. The claim certainly has its merits: Motorcycle X, as mentioned by the author, has indeed been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years and may have become a symbol of American-ness, a status unrivaled by the foreign company that copied the motorcycle. However, the author's claim is subject to a few flaws. Namely, it wrongly assumes that the comparison between the noise levels in foreign cars and American-made cars can apply to motorcycles, and that customers do not care about the noise simply because television advertisements do not highlight it.
The author also contends that customers of Motorcycle X do not care about the noise because television advertisements do not highlight it. This could also be subject to a few counterarguments. For instance, the noisiness of Motorcycle X might have become so symbolic of the brand that the company no longer sees a need to advertise it; instead, it might want to highlight a few other distinct features that some current and potential buyers of the Motorcycle X might overlook. The voice-overs and rock music, then, might have become synonymous of the brand identity: whenever the customers hear a rock song, they might think of the Motorcycle X.
The best way to examine the author's claim is to consider a foreign-made motorcycle model with a noise level similar to the Motorcycle X, or to convince the said foreign company to add the noisiness to its model. If the sales of the foreign model do not improve, the author could be correct in claiming that the noise level was not an important factor for the difference between the foreign model and the Motorcycle A. If, however, the sales increase significantly, the author's claim would be significantly weakened. It could also be insightful to conduct a survey of buyers of the two models about their reasons for buying their motorcycles, as well as their thoughts on the difference in sales between the Motorcycle A and the foreign brand.