Hello everyone! I want to get some feedback on my writing, please!
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08 Dec 2018, 12:07
The following appeared in the letters-to-the-editor section of a local newspaper:
Muscle Monthly a fitness magazine that regularly features of bodybuilders using state-of-the-art exercise machines, frequently sells out, according to the owner of Skyview Newsstand. To help maximize fitness levels in our town's residents, we should, therefore, equip our new community fitness center with such machines.
In this argument, author of a local newspaper states that in order to maximize the fitness level of residents, it is a good idea to buy and equip local community fitness center with state-of-the-art exercise machines because Muscle Monthly, a fitness magazine, which sells out regularly, usually features pictures of bodybuilders who are using state-of-the-art exercise machines. However, the author is drawing a strong conclusion based on weak evidence. Also, this conclusion is relied on some unsubstantiated assumptions and has several flaws.
First, bodybuilders’ pictures on Muscle Monthly that features they are using machines, is not a strong evidence that they maximized their fitness levels and built a strong body by only using that exercise machines. It might be an advertisement picture to persuade people to buy this exercise machines. Also, there is not enough information about how bodybuilders built strong muscles of their bodies. To build body muscle, bodybuilders eat healthy high in protein and fiber foods, use supplements, drink more water and exercise, which means state-ff-the-art exercise machines cannot itself help them to build a strong body. Therefore, in this argument we can see that there is missing information about state-of the-are exercise machines, answers to below questions are still missing: how that exercise machines works, what features does it have, and who can use this exercise machines, or is it only for bodybuilders or is it more suitable for local residents.
Second, there is a lack of information about a fitness magazine, Muscle Monthly. The author did not provide the readers with information about the number of residents in that town, and number sales of that magazine. Even though it was said that this magazine frequently sells out, how many magazines are sold out of the number of magazines that are published is still unexplained. For example, the population of that town is about one hundred thousand people, but the number of published Muscle Monthly is about ten thousand a week, which means it is only one-tenth of the local population. 10% of people are interested in exercise and fitness does not mean that the whole community needs those exercise machines in their local fitness center. Also, there is no evidence that local residents are in lack of state-of-the-art exercise machines.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for several reasons as previously mentioned and still remains unconvincing. If there were more evidence about bodybuilders routine or techniques that helped them to build muscle and features of exercise machines or the number of interested people to use that machines in the local fitness center, the argument would be more strengthened and convincing. We cannot conclude that local residents need state-of-the-art exercise machines in the fitness center due to weak evidence and missing information.