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IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Please give me a feedback.

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IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Please give me a feedback. [#permalink]

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New post 04 Oct 2016, 08:59
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Hello everyone, I am preparing the IELTS exam and this is my first attempt to write an essay for the Writing Task 2. I would kindly ask you a revision.
Thank you very much in advance.

Task:
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:
Nowadays the internet is surely a fundamental instrument for our lives, and it helps us in many ways: our work is faster, in fact, we can gather information more quickly and our connections are better, because we can keeping in touch with a friend or a relative in the other part of the world.
The internet is a powerful tool but we need to learn to not abuse of it because it is easy to get addicted; for example, a young person in China has been playing a popular online video game for three days drinking only energy drinks and then died for a heart attack.
By the way, that was an extreme case, and only few people in the world would do a thing like that.
In fact, most people use internet for good purposes, we can think for example to a medic that needs a rapid answer to save a human life or a lawyer that is looking for a particular law article to get out of prison his innocent client: these information could be gathered in short time only with an internet connection.
In my opinion, the internet has changed radically the way we communicate: it has made us more connected but also more isolated.
For example, the young generations are using massively websites like Facebook or Instagram giving more value to a photo “like” than to some word exchanged in person.
Social network abusing is also affecting our relationships: many people, especially young adults, get engaged online and idealize the partner until they met him or her in person, and maybe they are completely different than their online alter egos.
The internet is like any other thing: we have to learn how to use it correctly avoiding getting too much involved in it and remembering that we are real people and not online identities.

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Joined: 06 Sep 2016
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Kudos [?]: 15 [0], given: 56

Location: Italy
GPA: 3.2
WE: General Management (Human Resources)
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Re: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Please give me a feedback. [#permalink]

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New post 07 Oct 2016, 06:44
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Re: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Please give me a feedback. [#permalink]

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New post 08 Nov 2017, 10:53
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Although the government invest a lot money in public services every year, I do not think that is enough for the present day scenario.

Public services include hospitals, schools, roads, transportation etc. The government should concentrate more on these services than the arts. Because
there is a difference between necessity between luxury. Government should concentrate on giving proper education to students with poor background as they can't
spend more money on education. Spending the money on education decreases the illiteracy rate and can reduce poverty in the coming years.

Government should spend more money hospitals because it is a necessity. If the government did not allocate proper budget for the maintanence of the hosptials
there will be lot of problems with the health of the people. Almost 50% of our people from our depend on government hospitals if they fall sick and it is
a very sad truth that there are still villages who don't have proper health facility and they have cover a lot of distance to take treatment.

To travel from one place to another many common people depend on Government vechicles. They should concentrate more on transportation because the people depend
on it everyday. If there is not proper transporation the urban people will suffer because the fruits, vegetables and many essential items comes from village.
And the government should also concentrate on building proper roads because a lot of accidents are happening every year due to the bad conditon of roads.

To conclude, I'm not suggesting the spend that spending money on arts is a waste of money since it is the major entertainment for the people.
Priority should given to public services more than arts.

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Re: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Please give me a feedback.   [#permalink] 08 Nov 2017, 10:53
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