AWA Score: 5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 2.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
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Hi! If anyone could provide any quick feedback for the gmat essay I wrote, that would be much appreciated. Thank you!
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles.
"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
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The aforementioned argument that people in general are not concerned as they were about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses on first glance appears to be fairly convincing. However, on further scrutiny of the argument and it's logical structure, a number of flaws become evident. Among the most pivotal of the shortcomings of the argument are its inability to address the assumptions and lack of information to substantiate its claims.
First of all, the argument fails to mention if Heart's delight had starting selling only organic fruits and vegetables in the 1960's due to concerns of well-being of people or simply due to the lack of resources of cheese. It is also possible that the store did not have enough funds to procure cheese. The argument also mentions that the cheeses have high butterfat content. The implication of a cause and effect relation of cheese and concern for people can not be considered unless we know additional information. Let us consider high butterfat content. Since a percentage is not mentioned, the number could have varied meanings. 10 gram butterfat out of 20 gram cheese? 10 grams butterfat out of 1 kilogram of cheese? The argument also does not state if Heart's delight is actually selling cheese which has a lower fat content than earlier? If that is the case, then it can not be concluded that people are not concerned about regulating their intake of fatty cheese
Second, we do not know how much cheese Heart's delight actually sells. What is the cheese actually make up for only 1% of the total sales? We also do not know if people are buying the cheeses for their personal consumption. What if people are buying fatty cheeses for their pets? The argument then again would be called into question.
Further, the argument mentions Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant with declining sales. What if healthy eating was not a major factor for the decline in sales? What if the primary reason was bad food, poor advertising or stiff competition from other newer vegetarian restaurants? The article's reasoning suffers from a sampling bias.
Moreover, the article mentions the owners of House of Beef to be millionaires. We don not know if the owners were already millionaires before they opened the restaurant. The article also fails to mention if House of Beef actually serves red meat dishes or it's only the name of the restaurant and it actually serves vegetarian dishes or protein-rich meat dishes.
Thus, without the consideration of the aforementioned points, the argument provides an incomplete picture which is not sufficient enough to substantiate its claims. Unless the claims have been backed up by the reasons mentioned above, it must be regarded as a biased opinion rather than a legitimate claim.
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