AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Lucksarveshghoriwala wrote:
Hello!
I recently attempted the AWA section from the official practice exam. Would be really grateful if you can have a look and let me know where I can improve and how you would rate me.
Also, I noticed numerous spelling and grammatical errors after I had submitted it. So I have not made any changes.
Thanks!
Question:
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles.
"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
My essay:
The arguement has various flaws in the reasoning.
It bases the conclusion on a very small sample of evidence. Only 3 particular examples have been taken to support a conculsion, it is possible that these cases are outliers and it is not a general trend.
The example about Heart's Delight does not provide explain the concern of people. It rather just comments on the variety of products available. It might be the case that although such cheeses are available, they are less preferred. This would weaken the arguement.
Similarly, when comparing the Good Earth Cafe and the House of Beef, other factors such as the service quality, ambience, quality of food, and management may effect the profits instead of the concern of people about their intake of meat.
Morever, the arguement simply says that the owners of House of Beef are millionares, it is not necessary that they became millionares because of opening the red meet restaurant. Any such evidence would weaken the conclusion.
If there is evidence that this trend of restaurants selling red meet outperform other restaurant due to consumer preferences or if proportion of fatty cheese sales has increased in stores over the last decades, then the arguement would be strengthened