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Tourbillion
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Last visit: 16 Jul 2017
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Updated on: 22 Apr 2017, 20:45
Originally posted by Tourbillion on 22 Apr 2017, 16:49.
Last edited by Tourbillion on 22 Apr 2017, 20:45, edited 1 time in total.
Last edited by Tourbillion on 22 Apr 2017, 20:45, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi, I was just hoping if anyone could take a look at my AWA essay and give me a quick critique. Although English is my second language, I consider myself to be at the native level, so I feel I should get a 6. I know it's not the most important part of the exam, but it is something I feel like I should be able to do well at, and also allow me to start the exam off on a good note.
My understanding of AWA thus far is that it pretty much resembles a typical 5 paragraph essay in structure. The most economical way is to briefly communicate my interpretation of the argument, and break it down into three points in which I can best expose the most severe weaknesses of the argument.
Here's the essay. It's just the AWA pulled off OG2017, pg805.
The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane’s warning system can receive signals from another’s transponder-a radio set that signals a plane’s course- in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action.
The argument is that the warning system will eliminate midair plane collisions by simply transponding the plane’s respective trajectories to other aircrafts, does not address the many variables that contribute to a collision. It also does not explain how the functions of the transponder specifically interacts in influencing the actions of the pilots. This does not constitute as a logical argument, as there is no mention of the factors that contributes to a collision, and no explanation of how the transponder works to eliminate those factors.
First, without identifying the most significant contributing factors of a midair plane collision, it’s difficult to measure the efficacy that the installation would have. If the purpose of the warning system is to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of a collision, it must address the most those factors. There is no evidence presented that suggests the pilot’s lack of knowledge of the airplane’s respective courses is the sole cause in the event of a collision. Second, the exact functions of the warning system must be scrutinized to ensure it can interact coherently with the pilots, in a timely and user friendly manner. Although the warning system does transpond signals through a radio set, it does not suggest that such a system would be effective in assisting the pilot to prevent a collision. It also does not mention how the system interacts with the pilots, in a method that must adhere to the needs of the pilot. Finally, such a system must be installed on every aircraft that operates within the same airspace to deem it viable. Should different airlines opt to install warning systems that are not compatible the warning systems used by other airlines, the efficacy of this system would not eliminate all probably of collisions.
Please be critical, as that will be most beneficial for me and any other readers.
Thanks guys.
My understanding of AWA thus far is that it pretty much resembles a typical 5 paragraph essay in structure. The most economical way is to briefly communicate my interpretation of the argument, and break it down into three points in which I can best expose the most severe weaknesses of the argument.
Here's the essay. It's just the AWA pulled off OG2017, pg805.
The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane’s warning system can receive signals from another’s transponder-a radio set that signals a plane’s course- in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action.
The argument is that the warning system will eliminate midair plane collisions by simply transponding the plane’s respective trajectories to other aircrafts, does not address the many variables that contribute to a collision. It also does not explain how the functions of the transponder specifically interacts in influencing the actions of the pilots. This does not constitute as a logical argument, as there is no mention of the factors that contributes to a collision, and no explanation of how the transponder works to eliminate those factors.
First, without identifying the most significant contributing factors of a midair plane collision, it’s difficult to measure the efficacy that the installation would have. If the purpose of the warning system is to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of a collision, it must address the most those factors. There is no evidence presented that suggests the pilot’s lack of knowledge of the airplane’s respective courses is the sole cause in the event of a collision. Second, the exact functions of the warning system must be scrutinized to ensure it can interact coherently with the pilots, in a timely and user friendly manner. Although the warning system does transpond signals through a radio set, it does not suggest that such a system would be effective in assisting the pilot to prevent a collision. It also does not mention how the system interacts with the pilots, in a method that must adhere to the needs of the pilot. Finally, such a system must be installed on every aircraft that operates within the same airspace to deem it viable. Should different airlines opt to install warning systems that are not compatible the warning systems used by other airlines, the efficacy of this system would not eliminate all probably of collisions.
Please be critical, as that will be most beneficial for me and any other readers.
Thanks guys.
Tourbillion
Joined: 07 Dec 2016
Last visit: 16 Jul 2017
Posts: 5
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Given Kudos: 4
Location: Canada
Schools: Cambridge Judge
22 Apr 2017, 20:38
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Here's another one. I've tried keeping the writing process to 30 minutes. Admittedly, I've been underestimating how mentally taxing writing an essay is right before the exam since I've only been doing the Quant/Verbal sections. Good thing I haven't booked my exam yet.
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Aurora, a company that sells organic milk (milk produced without the use of chemical additives):
“Sales of organic food products in this country have tripled over the past five years. If Aurora is to profit from this continuing trend, we must diversify and start selling products such as organic orange juice and organic eggs in addition to our regular product line. With the recent increase of articles in health magazines questioning the safety of milk and other food products, customers are even more likely to buy our line of organic products. And to help ensure our successful expansion, we should hire the founder of a chain of health-food stores to serve as our vice-president of marketing.”
Aurora is a company that sells organic food products. They forecasting that the demand for their products will increase as a result of market trends and magazine articles. In order to meet the supposed increase in the demand of Aurora’s food products, the company decided to include additional products to their retail line. The company has also suggested hiring the founder of a health food chain to serve as vice-president of marketing.
My response:
Aurora is a company that sells organic food products. They are forecasting that the demand for their products will increase as a result of market trends and magazine articles. In order to meet the supposed increase in the demand of Aurora’s food products, the company has decided to include additional products to their retail line. The company has also suggested hiring the founder of a health food chain to serve as vice-president of marketing.
The company has opted to make changes to their product line and their executive roster, based on various forecasts. First, this strategy fails to account for the possibility that the trend of increasing demand for health foods may cease, or even reverse. Should this happen, the inclusion of additional products to their retail line may very well prove to be a negative net income investment. There is also no promise that increasing demand for organic food products would correspond to an increase of demand for Aurora’s organic food products. Second, the increase in articles of a magazine would only reach a very limited number of readers. There is no evidence to suggest that consumers will perceive organic foods as safer alternatives, and some consumers may very well forgo purchasing those products altogether. Finally, the hiring of the founder of a chain of health-food store could possibly be a conflict of interest, as he likely has interest in the company he has founded. A chain of health-food stores would deal with many companies within the industry on a constant bases, and could also carry store brands that directly competes for sales against Aurora’s products.
Although the continuing trend for increasing demand of health food should certainly merit an appropriate strategy to ensure that the company maximizes its profits in such favorable market conditions, the proposed strategy is not appropriate given the lack of evidence that the expansion of the product line will yield a positive return on investment, and the adequacy of the proposed candidate for the vice-president of marketing position.
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Aurora, a company that sells organic milk (milk produced without the use of chemical additives):
“Sales of organic food products in this country have tripled over the past five years. If Aurora is to profit from this continuing trend, we must diversify and start selling products such as organic orange juice and organic eggs in addition to our regular product line. With the recent increase of articles in health magazines questioning the safety of milk and other food products, customers are even more likely to buy our line of organic products. And to help ensure our successful expansion, we should hire the founder of a chain of health-food stores to serve as our vice-president of marketing.”
Aurora is a company that sells organic food products. They forecasting that the demand for their products will increase as a result of market trends and magazine articles. In order to meet the supposed increase in the demand of Aurora’s food products, the company decided to include additional products to their retail line. The company has also suggested hiring the founder of a health food chain to serve as vice-president of marketing.
My response:
Aurora is a company that sells organic food products. They are forecasting that the demand for their products will increase as a result of market trends and magazine articles. In order to meet the supposed increase in the demand of Aurora’s food products, the company has decided to include additional products to their retail line. The company has also suggested hiring the founder of a health food chain to serve as vice-president of marketing.
The company has opted to make changes to their product line and their executive roster, based on various forecasts. First, this strategy fails to account for the possibility that the trend of increasing demand for health foods may cease, or even reverse. Should this happen, the inclusion of additional products to their retail line may very well prove to be a negative net income investment. There is also no promise that increasing demand for organic food products would correspond to an increase of demand for Aurora’s organic food products. Second, the increase in articles of a magazine would only reach a very limited number of readers. There is no evidence to suggest that consumers will perceive organic foods as safer alternatives, and some consumers may very well forgo purchasing those products altogether. Finally, the hiring of the founder of a chain of health-food store could possibly be a conflict of interest, as he likely has interest in the company he has founded. A chain of health-food stores would deal with many companies within the industry on a constant bases, and could also carry store brands that directly competes for sales against Aurora’s products.
Although the continuing trend for increasing demand of health food should certainly merit an appropriate strategy to ensure that the company maximizes its profits in such favorable market conditions, the proposed strategy is not appropriate given the lack of evidence that the expansion of the product line will yield a positive return on investment, and the adequacy of the proposed candidate for the vice-president of marketing position.
