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sudhanshu_arora
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Swagatalakshmi
1. Your thesis sentence is very weak. It says: "Businesses only supporting local vendors promote monopoly and create an environment that would negatively effect (should be affect) local community." -- Issue suggests that local businesses should buy from local vendors "whenever possible". There is no compulsion that they must have to buy from local vendors; therefore, monopoly is out of question. Moreover, there could be several local businesses competing with each other. In that case "monopoly" is out of question as well.

2. "By supporting local vendors only, Local community looses (should be loses) the extra benefit they receive from innovation and creativity from non local vendors." -- This also doesn't address the "whenever possible" condition. When local vendors are not providing sufficient advantage, businesses may not use them at all. Moreover, big global corporations such as Ford or GM are not really "local vendors". The example is very weak. It doesn't suggest how just a better warranty can be a good reason to buy a foreign made car. Please note that a warranty is just a promise. It doesn't have any tangible value. It doesn't ensure superior performance of a car.

3. " Secondly, this approach will likely cause inflation to the products" -- If local vendors start charging more, by law of economics and free market, their product will be replaced by cheaper out of station products. Please note again that promoting local vendors is just an option and not a law. Causing "inflation" is little too much to believe. Please do not use these economic terms loosely.

4. Your last para is more convincing than your previous paras. However, please do not use too informal sentences such as "Tourism industry is hot in Hawaii". Replace it by something more formal such as "Tourism industry is booming in Hawaii".


I must admit SwagatLakshmi you've got some exceptional knack for spotting errors. That was by far one of the best critiques I have ever seen coming from anyone. And I am obviously not referring to critiques of such variety on the club because none has come forth so far. I am generally referring to critiques we read in newspapers et al.

On my last GmAT I had scored 5 and 6 on the two essays and I had used pretty much the same strategies as Swagat has pointed out.

Be cautious when using subject-specific words (Note how subject and specific have been hyphenated). Paying obeisance to appropriate word-usage is not just a chore but integral to the very essence of what writing is all about.

And remember that a careless omission can easily be distinguished from an error arising from a perceived lack of understanding. So I might miss a comma here and there or weave in a few typos and yet wouldn't hurt my prospects of getting a good score. But conceptual faux pas, stretching too far, speculating a tad too much, using language appropriate only in informal settings would certainly ruin my chances irrepairably.

Good luck to all.

There's one thing however I'd like to ask this forum - What do you all think about the AWA and the importance of getting a good score on it? I mean since it is not a part of our chase for the 800 - is AWA really evaluated/considered/scored by B-schools?



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