AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luckrajveertandon wrote:
Question:
The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a local newspaper:
“It makes no sense that in most places 15-year-olds are not eligible for their driver’s license while people who are far older can retain all of their driving privileges by simply renewing their license. If older drivers can get these renewals, often without having to pass another driving test, then 15-year-olds should be eligible to get a license. Fifteen-year olds typically have much better eyesight, especially at night; much better hand-eye coordination; and much quicker reflexes. They are also less likely to feel confused by unexpected developments or disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings, and they recover from injuries more quickly.”
Answer:
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.The author has concluded in the essay that 15 years old deserve to be eligible to obtain a license just because older people can renew their licenses without giving another driving test. The conclusion rests on many faulty assumptions which make the argument weak and the conclusion untenable. I will further explain in the essay the various flawed assumptions the author has made and the ways in which the conclusion can be made stronger.
First and foremost, the author assumes that 15 years olds should be able to get a licence just because older people can renew them without a retest. Just because one thing, in this case the lack of retest, which might seem unacceptable is accepted does not mean that another thing, in this case, 15 years old being able to drive, becomes acceptable as well. For example, if older people above a certain age are highly likely to get in an accident does not mean that 15 year old who are just only slightly less likely be allowed to have a chance to get into accidents. The argument would have been more believable if the author would have concluded that older people must give a test for renewal rather than stating that 15 year olds be eligible to apply for a license.
Secondly, the author has listed a list of advantages 15 year olds have over older people, i.e., better eyesight , better hand-eye coordination and faster reflexes. This assumption seems to say that these are the only factors which are required for driving. There could very well be other factors which are not listed which might be much more important than the listed examples. For instance, maybe factors like experience which the older people would have more of is a much more important factor than the one stated above. There could also be other factors like immaturity of the 15 year olds that could lead to reckless driving and increased accidents. The author could have made the conclusion stronger by weighing the listed factors against other factors which makes the older drivers more superior and shown that the listed factors were more important and can hence justify the argument.
Finally, the author seems to say that 15 year olds are less likely to be fazed by unexpected developments. He/she fails to ignore that there might be a greater number of unexpected developments for the 15 year old than for the older drivers due to a lack of experience on the part of the young drivers. The yyoung drivers must hence require much ore practice before they can even think of applying for a license which can only be possible if the age of obtaining a license was greater than 15 years, say 16 or 17 years. By these age, the younger drivers can practice with experienced adults and hence become street ready by the time they are ready to give the test. The author can strengthen the argument by showing that the higher unexpected developments for young drivers are not of much importance and the young drivers are still more likely to get in fewer accidents.
The aforementioned factors show that some factors are untenable and many more explanations must be provided b the author before the argument can be accepted by the readers. I have listed points which might indicate a stronger argument.