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Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment

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Senior Manager
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Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 289

Kudos [?]: 150 [0], given: 15

Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment [#permalink]

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New post 16 Jul 2009, 18:42
Yesterday I took a full-length practice GMAT on Gmat-prep-software, and did the essays as well. My exam is on 25th July, the saturday after next. I don't think I will be practicing any more essays after these, unless anyone here advises otherwise.

I just want to share the 2 essays here, so that people who have few minutes to spare can give me a feedback. Even little help would be highly appreciated. I am very hopeful of getting at least few responses just like I did last time. :)

Issue

“Ask most older people to identify the key to success, and they are likely to reply ‘hard work.’ Yet, I would tell people starting off in a career that work in itself is not the key. In fact, you have to approach work cautiously—too much or too little can be self-defeating.”

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view of work? Develop your position by using reasons and/or examples from your reading, experience, or observations.

My response:

The view "hard work is the key to success' is a controversial one. The author suggests that for success, work has to be done in a balanced way, neither too much, nor too little, because either of them can hamper success. To some extent, I agree with this view.

The chief reason for my view is that hard work alone cannot guarantee success. If a person keeps working, without taking out time for planning and organizing his work, his efficiency will be considerably low. For example, a student working hard to excel in his exams would perform much better if he diagnoses his weak areas, plans out the course of action, times himself and then works out his plan. If the student went on studying without planning, he might never be able to know his strengths and weaknesses, and might never be able to perform his best.

Millions of people work hard without getting enough in return, but few people who know "how" to work are relatively more successful. Various management schools aim at enhancing the organizational and planning skills of their students, so that they can be highly efficient. The higher management staff works as hard as most lower level employees, but paid more for their skills.

Recently an article was published in the "jobs" section of a national newspaper, which suggested that one should not work so hard that his employer is not able to find a suitable replacement for him and thereby is not able to promote him. Through experience we know that employees who work very hard at their positions tend to stay in their positions for very long because the employers are reluctant to promote them.

Further, the well known saying "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" has been proven to be true by research in human psychology. The importance of having a well balanced life with sufficient time for family and recreation can never be over-emphasized. People who work hard without taking out time to spend with family or for recreation often end up frustrated, which in turn affects their morale. As a result, the very motivation that was a key to their hard work goes down.

Some might argue that without hard work, no amount of planning or skills will bring success. While it is true that hard work has not substitute, hard work alone can be self-defeating for all of the above mentioned reasons.

Kudos [?]: 150 [0], given: 15

Senior Manager
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Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 289

Kudos [?]: 150 [0], given: 15

Re: Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment [#permalink]

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New post 16 Jul 2009, 18:44
Argument

The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper:

“Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for more than 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track.”

My response:

The author contends that the foreign company's copy of motorcycle X is not able to attract customers because of reasons other than the characteristic loud noise. To justify this, the author gives the example of foreign cars which sell as well as american cars despite being relatively quiet. Further, the author says that noise should not be a factor affecting sales because it is not advertised. However, the author's reasoning has few serious flaws.

Firstly, the author is using faulty analogy in comparing motorcycles to cars with respect to noise. Cars are preferred to be quiet, unless they are sports cars. On the other hand, motorcycles are typically preferred for their masculine appeal, and loud engine noise might have a significant effect of enhancing that appeal.

Secondly, the assumption that noise is not a factor affecting sales because it is not advertised is faulty. Engine noise can be unpleasant for viewers when heard in the confinement of their homes, but it would not be the same when heard in the open. Moreover, the author fails to consider that use of rock music shows the preference of loud music for motorcycle riders. Every advertisement is designed according to the preferences of the targeted customers, for example, an advertisement for girl's footwear has some fashion based soundtrack. Similarly, rock music shows preference for loud noise for motorcycle riders.

The argument could have been strengthened if the author provided evidence that motorcycle riders do not consider the characteristic noise to be a factor that affects their choice. Customers coming to buy motorcycles in a showroom could be surveyed to find out how appealing is the engine noise for them, and whether they would prefer a noisy motorcycle over a quieter one.

In conclusion, the author fails to convince that motorcycle X sells better than its foreign version for reasons other than loud noise. The argument is based on a faulty analogy, comparing noisiness of cars to that of motorcycles. Further, the author bases his assumption on insufficient evidence that noise is not advertised, therefore not desired. The argument could have been strengthened if the author could provide evidence suggesting that noise is not one of the factors affecting sales of motorcycles.

Kudos [?]: 150 [0], given: 15

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Name: Ronak Amin
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Re: Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment [#permalink]

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New post 16 Jul 2009, 19:13
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About Hard work...

Looks good content wise except the advertisement example which you gave..I mean its okay but its not very appealing to me..though that might be a reality..i have never faced :)

The language is at time colloquial...which is normal since we are used to write what we speak...eg. in blogs, chat etc. So only two points from my side:
1) Try to structure the language in the SC way - ONLY after you complete your essay
2) Try to revisit your commas, semicolons - ONLY after you complete your essay

I dont think you need to practice essays too much :)

Kudos [?]: 818 [1], given: 18

Senior Manager
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Re: Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment [#permalink]

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New post 16 Jul 2009, 20:45
Thanks a lot for your prompt response. :)

Kudos [?]: 150 [0], given: 15

Re: Last 2 essays before D-day - please comment   [#permalink] 16 Jul 2009, 20:45
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