A continuous struggle to achieve a score that begins with a â€˜7â€™ is finally coming to an end.
The message that I want to pass to other people, is not about the secret for achieving a good score.
Itâ€™s about the importance of maintaining a normal life balance, and about putting things in the right perspective.
For me, this test was more than just a test.
In my own distorted point of view, I felt that if I donâ€™t win this war, especially after investing so much in it, my self esteem would never recover.
I knew that the GMAT does not determine how Iâ€™m worth, but I donâ€™t think I truly believed in it.
There is a big difference between knowing something, and believing in it.
The GMAT has become the world for me. It has occupied 90% of my thoughts and most of my available time.
Except from studying for the GMAT, I was also working full time at a new demanding job where I really wanted to prove my self.
I had two fronts to fight simultaneously, plus a neglected girlfriend who really tried her best to support me.
To tell you the truth, I am amazed by her endurance. I canâ€™t even begin to count the times when I had to tell her that I canâ€™t go out with her because I have to study.
I knew that after all this suffering - I must get a decent score. I began fearing the GMAT.
I never felt ready enough, and it seemed like this whole situation can go on forever.
And itâ€™s not that I wasnâ€™t good enough. In all my practice tests, I almost never scored lower than 700. I just couldnâ€™t convince myself that I am ready.
I always suffered from test anxiety.
By past experience, I knew that if I want to make sure I pass the 700 barrier, I have to bring myself to a level of 770, because my anxiety will reduce the score significantly.
These were my practice test:
Kaplan Diagnostic: 700 (45,42)
Kaplan CAT 1: 640 (50,33)
ETS Paper Test 14: 710 (50,38)
ETS Paper Test 25: 740 (51, 41)
ETS Paper Test 28: 750(51,41)
ETS Paper Test 31: 720(48,41)
ETS Paper Test 37: 710(49,40)
ETS Paper Test 42: 720(50,39).
ETS Paper Test 52: 710(51,34)
ETS Paper Test 55: 690(50,34)
PP1: 770 (50,47)
PP2: 770 (51,44)
After those PP scores, i started picturing myself getting that score in the real test.
A few days ago, I decided that I had enough of all this and that no matter what happens, I must sign up for the test and confront the beast.
Today, I marched into the test center with a feeling of â€œLetâ€™s get rid of this thing!â€