Welcome to GMAT Club!
AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Read the AWA forum rules before posting further, read the rules in the link below.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.htmlGood Luck
memayank wrote:
The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine:
"On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
The opinion presented above has big flaw in its reasoning and evaluations as it completely fails to address following issues. The Para has assumed without any evidence that 39% of middle age consumer spending accounts proportionally to retailers. It fails to analyse that 39% of middle aged expenditure is much less in amount than 25% of younger aged expenditure. The argument also fails to analyse that population of younger people will also increase in the meantime and finally, argument asserts that middle age people population is going to increase in coming years but didn’t focused on the fact that the younger aged population at present will shift in middle aged bracket and their choices at present may remain same in that time also.
Firstly, the opinion has flaw that it has no evidence about relation between middle aged expenditure to retailer’s earnings. To clearly analyse the facts, it is required to get the information about distribution of retailer’s total earnings and how much middle aged and younger aged population expenditure share. If the formers share is still considerably higher than the latter’s is than the conclusion holds affirm.
Secondly, while the para talks about increase of middle aged population but has not considered the fact that population of younger aged group will also increase respectively. And, if the first flaw holds correct than this will lead to big blow to the conclusion and consequently steps taken by retail chain will go against the profits.
Last but the most important fact to be considered is that if talking about goods, every person has its own taste and make purchases accordingly. Now, it is undisputed fact that it will be younger population which will shift towards middle aged bracket, they will purchase same items as per their taste and hence changing items as per the taste of present day middle aged people is not justified.
All the consideration and flaws mentioned above needs to be answered in order to reach to the appropriate conclusion. Without the mentioned issues, the argument in itself is naïve and conclusion is amateur and do not stand in itself.
I wrote this for the first time for AWA practice, please guide me where do I stand and suggestion for further improvements